Hi. This is my first post and i guess i am looking for advice from others who have been in this position.
Here goes....i have been married since 1996 and going with my wife since 93. However she was 16 when we first started dating. We have a good life together, both employed. We own our own home but as yet have no children. My life was turned upside down last week when i found out that she had been communicating with another man. I looked at her SMS messages and there was one from a guy saying he loved her and must make them happen. Her reply was love you xxx.
When confronted she explained that she has not been happy in the marriage for a couple of years and this happenned while away with some other girls in may 2005 on a hen night. She kissed him, exchanged numbers and they sometimes exchanged texts but in the last two months things had intensified and she had fallen for him. This guy lives 200 miles away. No physical contact has been made.
She tells me show doesn't love me anymore but does care very deeply for me. A week later after many tears we are still together sharing a bed and kiss and cuddle at night time before we sleep. However she will not commit herself to leaving or staying. I am so confused, i do love her and need her. I am guilty of neglect and complacency so i am no angel. I am now trying to make amends but am so worried by this. Please advise

evo - As soon as you see this, repost your message just as it is on the General Questions II forum. It gets a lot more traffic and advice will start pouring in right away.

I am sorry for what brought you here but you have come to the right place.

You have some work to do now and the experts will give you the tools. I don't know why but based on what you have written I have a lot of hope for your desired outcome.

Repost immediately on GQII. They will help.

Repost this on the GQII forum where you will get about 10 times the responses.

The first thing you need to do is not be afraid of your WW. You need to understand that for you to save your M, you need to break up the A. You also need to read Dr. Harley's basic concepts to figure out why your M was in such a state to allow this to happen. Click on the links up top for plan A. Also read the links at the top of this forum (for newly BSs, WAT's quick start, etc.). After you have an idea of the concepts, you need to start standing up to your WW and enforcing marital boundaries. Snoop to ensure NC. An example would be if your WW continues to call OM on her cell phone, if you pay the bill, turn it off. Don't let her spend M money on the affair. If she won't voluntarily give up the OM, you need to starve her of him because he lives far away. Also, EXPOSE to anyone and everyone who would put pressure on the two to end their A. This includes WW's family and friends, and OM's SO and family. Find out as much as you can, and put barriers up to keep them from contacting each other. Your WW will be mad, but that won't kill your M, it is the A with the OM that will. Kill the A, fix what was wrong in your M, and your M will survive.

evo – By the way, when you repost you will be immediately asked for the following:

- Is the OM (other man, learn the acronyms in a hurry) married? If you don’t know you must find out.. Don’t feel ashamed of snooping into her things. You have too. Take great care not to be caught doing it because it just makes finding them later harder.

- Does she have family who will support you if they are informed of the A?

Learn about Plan A and exposure immediately. You need to initiate a strong Plan A starting today and work relentlessly to kill and expose the affair.

The EA is well under way and call me old fashioned but a kiss is a physical act and be prepared down the road to hear worse.

Repost at GQII fast.

Thankyou both for your advice, it really is appeciated. The other guy is 30 and single. I have exposed the A to family and friends but when asked i asked W this morn if any contact she said their was but only to see if she was ok. i asked to cut off totally and she said we will talk later. Again thanks for the advice. Have reposted this on GQ II now