I second that!

Jim, I did the keylogger before. That was how I got the emails and phone info. She has now wised up. She now takes home her work laptop to use at home and I have no reason to get on it....it is password protected too so I couldn't just log on when she is showering or something. She has now given her work number to all her friends and asks them call her at work instead of her cell.
I am still wondering if I am creating a faithful wife or a smarter cheater.

You are creating a smart cheater.

A faithfull wife is a transparent wife...unwillingness to be transparent is very very revealing.

So that tells you what you NEED to know.

You need to know that she isn't committed recovery.

So what is your plan?

I think you are creating a smart cheater...

Faithful wife wouldnt play the way she is...

Well today is her birthday and tomorrow is mine so I will not do anything just yet. I have been biding my time and biting my tongue as much as I can becasue she has agreed to go to MC. I was hoping that in that atmosphere she will be more receptive to my concerns.
Based on my reading other threads on this board I realized she has taken control of the relationship and probably does not respect me anymore. I need to take back control.

Tell her boss and HR manager that she is now taking all her personal calls and email from her work phone and laptop to support her adultery. Tell them you expect them to put and end to it.

An update. My wife and I were away this weekend as it was our birthdays. We had a good time with the in-laws and celebrated (even made out in the club).

Anyway, on returning I told her that I can not live with her ex boyfriend in our relationship. I told her I was not giving her an ultimatum but I am telling her what I can and cannot deal with. She was upset and and said that she barely speaks to him and that he is not a threat to our relationship. I told her that she might not think so now but it is the potential of this situation that I dont care for as well as the fact that she hasn't been able to ctotally commit to our relationship since he has been back around. She continues to say that I dont have any reason to be "threatened by her ex". She still can't understand that its not what they are saying to each other now that bothers me is what this could be setting up for later. The issue was left unresolved since it was never a ultimatum she never had to say well I'm going to cut contact. How do I go back and ask her what she has decided to do?

Then I asked her about the details of the affair that she has been hiding. I told her I didn't need the gory details. Just what happened between going to see her grilfriends and her sleeping with the OM. She fought it for a couple hours. She refused to answer and even left the bed and went to sleeep on the couch. She claimed that the details were not important. She finally caved in when I told her that the affair was because of her being selfish(her own words) and now her not telling me is her continuing to be selfish.

So she was supposed to take him on a tour of the city in his car. Someonewhere along the line he wanted to show her his strip moves (apparent he used to strip). They went to a hotel (she claims that she had no intenetion of sleeping with him at this point). He performed his strip tease and they ended up having sex. She continued the relationship she says becasue shsince she had already crossed the line she didnt see why not (dont you love it).

She has no contact with him rather than if they run into each other on the elevator or the cafeteria. She has no feelings for him, never thought the relationship was anything more than what it was and that he means nothing to her. I know her well and know when she is lying (very bad liar). I think she is telling the truth about her feelings and the contact. After she calmed down she was very remorseful and wanted me to hold her for the rest of the night.

I am about to hit the send button to supervisors and HR department and will make the trip over to her ofice. Should I still do it? Is this a mistake? If the purpose is to kill the affair and she is over it already does it make sense.

The A is not over until there is NC. Do whatever it takes to ensure that there is no further contact. Tell her she needs to switch jobs. If she doesn't, then without telling her, expose to her boss and HR. Tell them about the A, that you and your WW are trying to work things out, but that it is impossible as long as those two have contact at work.

As for the XBF, you told her that you weren't going to have that in your M. Now follow through with it. If she continues to text him, shut off text capability, delete his phone number, change your WW's phone number, delete his emails, and block his address. Don't tell your WW you are doing it just do it. When she gets pissed off, tell her you told her that you weren't going to keep looking over your shoulder anymore, and you did what you said you were going to. She'll fuss for a while, but once she knows you're serious and won't back down, she'll let it go.