Hi. This is my first post and i guess i am looking for advice from others who have been in this position.
Here goes....i have been married since 1996 and going with my wife since 93. However she was 16 when we first started dating. We have a good life together, both employed. We own our own home but as yet have no children. My life was turned upside down last week when i found out that she had been communicating with another man. I looked at her SMS messages and there was one from a guy saying he loved her and must make them happen. Her reply was love you xxx.
When confronted she explained that she has not been happy in the marriage for a couple of years and this happenned while away with some other girls in may 2005 on a hen night. She kissed him, exchanged numbers and they sometimes exchanged texts but in the last two months things had intensified and she had fallen for him. This guy lives 200 miles away. No physical contact has been made.
She tells me show doesn't love me anymore but does care very deeply for me. A week later after many tears we are still together sharing a bed and kiss and cuddle at night time before we sleep. However she will not commit herself to leaving or staying. I am so confused, i do love her and need her. I am guilty of neglect and complacency so i am no angel. I am now trying to make amends but am so worried by this. Please advise

I answered you on Just Found Out, and I'll try to get more people here to help you out. First things first, read up on plan A, find out what ENs you weren't fulfilling, stop all LBs, and start exposing to anyone who would be in a position to end the A. Try and get her to agree with NC with the OM, and deleted his number, change cell phone numbers, block his email address, and anything else you can do to ensure that there is no further contact. Restoring your marriage, will be a long process that will take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years after NC is established.

Please include a little more background including why your M started having problems, what led up to the A, what you have already done, do you have children, who knows about the A, etc.

Also, no relationship talk! She is not ready for that yet.

Evo - Are you out there? Have you made any progress?

By my readin on Plan A you need to get her to stop the contact between her and the OM... Unfortantly I am not much to talk since I am learning of an A 8yrs ago that I do know theres NC between the two now... Along with an addiction my WH has... I have alot on my plate. But stay strong someone here will help with the advice you need... jmw did a great reply!

Hi. No progress yet but we had a good talk last night. She has agreed to break the contact with the OM as i explained it's not fair to him, me or her. She hasn't done it yet and has only received two messages this week. No lovey stuff just to see if she was ok. She says she feels the same as before and we are still in limbo with the will she stay or go situation.
The problem she explains has been going on for prob 5 years and as she has never really talked about it it has snowballed to a position that we're in now. Her father and friends now know about OM. The reason we have got her is that we lived two seperate lives. I would go out with friends and she would too. We'd often go out together but always sat with groups of our friends. I was also guilty of neglect of her family. She would go out to see her dad/mum (who are seperated) and i would stay home watching TV.
I've tried to explain as much as i can but if you need any more info please post and i will answer as honestly as i can.
I know there is no quick fix but here's hoping she gives me a chance as i intend to be a good H.

Get busy making your changes. Go out with her and spend at least 15 hours a week doing fun things TOGETHER.

Ask her to write a no contact letter to the OM.