Hi guys! I implemented Plan A to my WH. I texted him how his allergies were and if he still itched. Got no response from him but when tonight I asked about it, he said irritably to me why did I even bother to text him...I said I'm just showing some care and concern. He then said I never did before so why start now?? Then I told him because I'm doing it for me and not for you. Then he became silent....What does this mean? This is frustrating me alot, but miraculously, I have remained calm and tried to think that my WH is now possessed and not himself at the moment.

Preggychu

Plan A is designed to show him what kind of spouse you can be, so it very much is for him, Preggy. Don't be snarky to him, ok?

he said irritably to me why did I even bother to text him...

Then I told him because I'm doing it for me and not for you.

that is not a plan A response...

plan A response to that goes something like...

I am sorry if I made you feel or think that I did not care about your well being....
I do care
and
I am concerned about how you are feeling.....

plan A is NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT about you......

people that say it is are incorrect...

PLAN A is ALL ALL ALL ALL about making ammends for past behaviors that did not serve a marriage well

plan A is all about showing consistant change to those areas...

plan A is about meeting the needs of the WS

ARK

Thanks guys for that clarification....Hope to do a better job of it today....

have you exposed to both sets of parents yet?

Peggy,

You have had posts from excellent MB supporters. My take will be a bit off kilter from their's so if this helps, fine, if not, no worries...ok?

My take:

Your comment: he said irritably to me why did I even bother to text him...I said I'm just showing some care and concern. He then said I never did before so why start now?? Then I told him because I'm doing it for me and not for you. Then he became silent....What does this mean?

IMHO, this means your words have also confused the WS in him and sent a subtle message to your H. That silent response meant it hit your H. Good sign. Should you do it again? .....maybe, just now be cautious.

Plan A is about you making improvements in yourself. Your H would have seen and appreciate it but the WS will get confused. That's why implementing plan A confuses the WS.

What you response contained was a bit of sarcastic reverse babble. Not always a bad thing when dealing with a WS (now this is where I diviate from MB.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ). However, I have found when dealing with a WS and spouse, you have to be cunning in how you communicate and choose to communicate.

I am not berating you for the comment. I probably would have done similar myself. I believe I did but can't recall the details (it's been a few years).

The point is to reach your H by going right past the WS. Your H knows you. The WS thinks he knows you. But you know better.

Sorry to be cryptic..... the world of a WS is confusing to most of us. Because it is even to them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.