I have not talked to WH in a month. He and OW got plan B letters on Wed. He has been gone for almost 4 months. I did the begging and all that who ha in the begining and finally got enough respect for my self to say ok thats it no more. I have been living my life and figuring out how to help my son with the situation as it is.

Well today went to the movies with my sister in law afterwards checked messages on phone that I have with WH. I had turned the phone off so that it would go straight to voice mail and purchased my own from a diffrent provider.

What he wanted to know is if I would pay half the bill which happens to be 300.00. Paying it is not the issue, it is should I? I have the money and wonder if I pay it without talking to him will I make deposits in his love bank?

I really have gotten to the point were I feel like I can except the fact that it is over. Then he left that message and he sounded so miserable.

What do you guys think I should do? Please I am begging for some advice.

You are in Plan B...Paying part of that bill would be meeting a need...In Plan B, you do NOT meet needs...OW is supposed to be meeting ALL of his needs-looks like she is failing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You do nothing...Remain Dark...Stay the course...

Mrs. W

If paying for the bill is something that you feel responsible for, then by all means pay what you owe. You don't need to respond to his request, just pay the bill and leave it at that. You could send a receipt of payment, very businesslike.

Do not talk to him, under any circumstances. He will have to fight for you. Make that clear to YOURSELF; no crumbs--NONE. Plan B is very difficult for a little while, so hang in there, you'll get better at it, and much of the longing will be replaced with a more 'real' picture of what you are dealing with. I know how difficult it is to deal with all of this emotional turmoil and pain, but allowing someone into your life who only cares for their happiness is a lose lose situation...

It should only be paid if it was part of your "agreement" when you entered Plan B. If it's "his" bill, and not your responsibility, legally or otherwise, then NO, absolutely not.

This gives him a chance to wallow in a situation that he created. You want him miserable enough to do the work (actions) to return to the marriage.

Plan B is only effective if the WS kept totally in the dark.

What is the bill for? Do you have a pre-arranged obligation to help or pay half? A bit more info please?

SD

Guys thank you so much for posting!

Phone bill is both our responciability. What I feel like is if I pay this half and not talk to him and just do it he will know that I do not need him and I can take care of myself financially. Plus I feel like maybe that will make me look more attractive to him.

Boy he sounded so bad on the message. HEHEHE maybe all is not well in little affair land were the whos run wild. Sorry I had to put that there.

Any woman with any kind of respect for herself would not mess with a married man. Need there be more said.

Have to go to a meeting will check posts when I am done. Boy it actually feels good not to have to let someone know what I am doing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I would encourage you to get a seperate phone, even if it's your own cell phone, and have him do the same. I realize that may not be possible for contractual reasons, but you could keep this account, and tell WH to get his own.

Then 1/2 the phone bill you are paying would not perhaps be a part of "enabling" the affair. You could get by on far less a phone bill, maybe?

Just a thought...
SD

Is the phone bill in your name??? IMO, if it's not, and since it very likely has aided and abetted the affair, then I would not pay it...Paying half is a benefit of being married, and he has chosen to live a single life right now, so...

In the event you do decide to pay it, tell the intermediary that you will need an itemized bill from him-make him work...make sure you are NOT paying for phone calls to or from OW...This will likely mean that you will not have to pay the bill, because no way will he want you to SEE that cell phone bill, KWIM? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Let the consequences of his choices fall squarely on his shoulders...

Mrs. W

Separate your phone account. if it's in your name, pay in full and cancel. if it's not in your name, pay half and have them remove your phone # from the account. Then get your own phone account, with a phone # that is not available to him.

Anika:

Mail him back the phone. It's his bill.

You had it turned off. You never used it. You have a new phone with another #, I will presume from your first post.

So, mail it back to him. With no name in the return address, just your home address.

Will nonpayment of this bill affect your credit rating? That is the only reason to pay it.

If it affects WH's credit rating and not yours, I vote do not pay it. Plan B. Let the OW meet his needs, if she can.

He's sounding bad? Good! Excellent, in fact. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

edited to add: If in fact you owe the money let him take you to Small Claims Court and explain why you owe it in front of a judge. Even if you can afford the payment, think of it as a way to apply pressure to the A and make it very unpleasant for him to continue in it. Don't do anything to subsidize his affair.

I'm with KayalAndy on this one.

Pay the Bill
Don't tell in him
Go get a separate phone account

Let him figure out what you did. He will squirm for now and find out later. He will rant because he won't have the smarts to go check. Let him rant. He will feel even more stupid and THAT is when you will make deposits into your H's LB. When the WS puts his energy towards ranting over a NON ISSUE. LOL!!!! Crazy strategy? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Yes. But it works!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

All the while your calm demeanor will be in place. You are in plan B not dead. Be wise and selective when you choose to help or communicate. You have already reached the point where you are ok with non-communication with a WS. So NOW you can be selective without warning. That drives the WS crazy.

See because now you are unpredictable. Here's my take:

OW convinces WS you don't love him, out to get him, etc......(old news and dumb news but look at the source) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> .

BS tells WS she doesn't love WS but her H (current news to the WS because the WS takes a long time figure it out).

BS finishes plan A improvements and goes to plan B.

BS is able to move forward without much interaction with WS due to a good plan B.

The real H misses his W and tries to emerge.
$$ gets tight ($$ isn't kind to WS who try to live outside of their budget...).
The real H realizes $$ is tight and forces the WS to contact the BS. OW thinks she is still in control and agrees with the real H??!?!?!? The real H lets the OW mouth off (because that's what she is good at - LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ).
WS/H breaks down and call the BS. Notice how he is ashamed and asking for help. WS' HATE to do this.

That's my take on your scenario. What's a BS to do?

You have your options. Do what you think is best. You also have our suggestions.

Remember your H is in there...somewhere. Let him know you care.

take care,

L.