While I'm dealing with the A and my WW, are there any suggested or proven strategies to deal forcefully with the OM? In this case he is a ...er..."Christian man" (that's what he told me - ha ha ha) who actually APOLOGIZED to me in Oct, said good-bye and "left" the A, then commenced to continue sporadic e-mailing. He is already divorced, so no wife to deal with. Presumably he is laying low until a time in the near future when the D-day dust has settled and he can swoop in again. I know there are recent ILY/IMY e-mails to her. My wife is in quite a fog, dealing with and sorting through her own emotions, and she doesn't have the strength or present desire to firmly tell the OM to fade away. The feelings of "love" for me has been well transferred to him the "soulmate", the clandestine 2nd husband as it were. The A lasted 3-4 years, so the roots are deep in her. Removing his influence will go a long way to resolving the emotional quagmire. Either she will benefit tremendously or she will pack her bags ands look for the greener grass of delayed depression.

Sure, my mind has flirted with those less-than "legal" methods of dealing with a man who has messed with my wife and family. I'd rather not spend the remainder of my days in prison however. But I'm VERY game to show that I mean business, I'm a man who still loves his WW, and am willing to step up to the plate, going for the best "in his face" grand slam(s) I can do.

Thanks.

A Betrayed Hubby

BUMP!!

betrayed,

So there is no wife to expose to.....do you have any idea what church he attends? Could you find out? A visit to the pastor of the that church whose help you could try to enlist....as well as some exposure to the congregation might offer some possibilities.

letters to his family... neighbors... church... a mysterious phone call to him in the middle of the night telling him to go find the note on his front door. The note could spell out all sorts of complications if he deson't disappear... and it should not come from you! There are lots of ways to put fear into this man and to make him seek out easier situations.

rent a billboard across the street from OM's workplace

Hey OM! .... stop contacting my wife. The adulterous relationship is OVER.

only use his first name

scarier that way

From my memory, he was a parnter/mentor to you as you are in common business? What business area? I would try to hit him in the pocketbook if I could.

I also see no reason not to expose to his XW, family, and church. Walk into his church and add him to the prayer list for having an adulterous affair <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

BH:

Although I find great amusement in Pep's idea, you need to stop worrying about his actions. And start working on yours.

I would presume you have been M'ed for about 15 years. Your W was in a A for 4 years of that.

I was in an A for 4.5 years. So I know what your WW is up against.

But start working those EN's and Plan A. Do the things needed to snoop and disrupt contact. Go ahead and confront him publicly at his business office the next time he contacts your WW. It will not be pleasant, but you start getting the point across. Your WW has a soulmate, you are just her H. So start changing that dynamic. Because if you do not, then this M will be bouncing for quite awhile.

And, you can make a choice that WW is not worth keeping. And imagine the change in WW on that day.....

when a fresh out of adultery fantasy FWW is still in withdrawl

and the OM sends her this

" there are recent ILY/IMY e-mails to her. "

then OM is still trying to triangulate the marriage

I would come down on OM like I was wearing a steel toed boot

his wife is sent back to square one with EVERY contact by OM

if protecting his family from this intruder takes some tuff stuff ... I say do it

I am a little worried about this



if there is any possibility of it turning into a fist fight

... thinking of Bridget Jones movie

Pep:

My point in the office visit, is that it may be the only thing to discourage OM....

BH has talked, and emailed the OM, but OM keeps hanging around.

He was looking to get a little bit more aggressive in his actions with OM. Cuz OM wasn't going away.

And the normal exposure avenues are gone. OM, I believe, owns his own business, he's not M'ed and believes he is untouchable. So, BH has to act a little out of his comfort zone.

And BH really needs to work on WW. Get her to see that OM isn't the right one. That BH is. And meet her needs so that she will WANT to write the NC Letter...

ah ... got'cha

thanks

Pep

Great ideas so far. By the way, anybody know what "TTMAB" might mean? I've seen these cryptic letters on various communications from OM to WW, at the end like a "P.S.". Kinda grade schoolish, isn't it??

Thanks.

BH

To the Moon and Back...often used like X's and O's <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

*gag*

To the moon and back? Sheesh, are we 4th grade or what?

What did "Bump" mean a few responses back?

Anyway, I'm carefully planning a huge exposure opportunity for OM and am "lining up the ducks" next week. I enjoy strategic planning.

Is it recommended to "Just Do It" as opposed to getting in his face first and firmly advise him to back off? As far as I can see, after 3-4 years of the A and with the emotional knot my WW is in, if I catch ANY fresh indication of so much as an e-mail or texting "howdy-do", his spineless and deceptive character will be exposed all over his his town, throughout his family, and from his front porch to the prayer room of his church (once I identify it). It will be a day of reckoning for sure. Wish I could video each recipient of the information...

I'm starting the investigation process with his ex-wife. It was an ugly divorce. heh heh.

BH