Hi all, I just found this forum yesterday and have been reading as many posts as I can to help myself. I thought I could ask you guys for some advice, so here it goes.

My wife and I have been married for 3yr 9mo , together for over 6yr. We have 4 children, 2from her previous relationship, a 7yr old boy and 13yr old girl and our twin 5yr old girls. Since moving into a larger house 2yrs ago our finances have gotten the best of us and we argue about them alot. Mostly becouse of her gambling addiction.

I've been kicked out of the house 3 times in last two years over arguing about her gambling. We would end up missing each other and getting back together within a few days. In the past few years it has been very difficult for me to deal with our 13yr and 7yr olds because of me not being there birth father. I love them very much but I tend to be tougher on them because of my frustration with my wife.

Before new years i got into a very heated yelling match with the 13yr old over a simple thing like her chores. She tells her mom that she has hated me for the way I treat her and her brother. I know I should have gotten help sooner but now I think it may be to late.

My wife was fine over the new years weekend, then she started acting different on tuesday. By thursday she had me very worried, I tried to talk to her but she would just ignore me. About an our later she brings me some papers and says she wants a legal seperation, she said I should sign the papers for her by today but I don't want to give up on us. I do Love her and all of our children very much and I am afraid of signing after reading that most seperated couples don't get back together. I am going to get help with my anger and plan on taking a parent class to cope with issues better. I tell my wife every day that I love her and she always responds the same up until tuesday.

Does anyone have some advice, should i sign to make her happy now or triy to get her to marriage counseling. She wants me out of the house when she gets home at 4.

Thanks for reading my story.

HI...sorry to hear about your story. Your insticts are right, if you want to save your marriage try very hard not to separate. I thought it would help my marriage, but it didn't - still not sure why since I did miss my H and wanted us to work on recreating a much better marriage. I guess he decided he liked being single, or that he could easily live without me...I don't get it..but DON'T move out untill you guys talk more and get more clear.

Keep reading...

Also addictions are very harmful to marriages. Your wife has to know that, and she has to want to stop her gambling addiction to have a healthy marriage.

take care
Cecelia

Dave - Read the "Basic Concepts", "Articles", and "Columns" on this site, not the discussion forums. There is a lot of insight in them to help you in dealing with all kinds of marital problems. And whatever you do, don't leave the house or sign any papers unless you are 200% sure that you don't want to save your marriage. With four kids, you have a lot riding on the outcome of a good relationship with your wife (their mother).

Marriage counseling would be a good way to go, and her gambling would come up during those discussions. If your wife will not see a counselor where you live, the counselors here at Marriage Builders are great. See the Counseling Center tab at the top menu of this page.

Bottom line, I think your kids deserve a chance for you to be a family and you lessen your chances of that happening if you give in to your wife's demand to leave. Plus it could jeopardize any future custody situation.