Hey Orchid, could you please explain to me, in elementary terms about Mind and heart in sync. I still don't understand that. Thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Heart and mind in sync. Good question.

Normally when you make a decision you make sure you take as much as you can into account. The last person you want unsure is yourself.

Your mind makes logical decisions. Your heart makes decisions with feeling (emotion). The 2 together balance each other and are necessary in our lives.

When an A and WS disrupt our lives, our mind and heart often go out of sync. The mind knows the WS is up to no good and knows if the WS remains a WS, the family will not be able to keep the WS in their family. The mind knows the WS is toxic to the family and the mind knows the WS is NOT their family member.

The heart on the other hand often does NOT want to believe the one who loved and protected the family has now become enemy #1. Denial often resides in the heart and there in lies the internal war.

How often have you said during this journey..... 'I know what I s/b doing but I am not ready t/d it (i.e. plan A, B or D), yet.' Or somethng similar. Comments like these show the mind and heart are NOT in sync.

Making life changing decisions while in this disconnected state of mind is dangerous. Some BS' give away what rightfully belongs to the family and in some cases it has devastated them.

For me, it was easier to make productive decisions once my mind and heart went in sync. This is not a process anyone can rush for your nor can you rush yourself. That is why it is important to complete plan A and identify your boundaries. This sets you on the path to put your mind and heart in sync. Once you do the WS has less of a hold on you and your family. You also give your H a way to come back because you no longer take the crappola the WS dishes out. Often you learn to babble back quite well since you are able to look past the antics of the WS and you no longer wonder whether is it your H talking or the WS. You will know almost in a glance or at the beginning of a conversation which one is talking, then determine if you will continue the interaction or not. The control now comes back to you.


I will stop at this point and see if you have further questions. My future responses will depend on your opinion of my post. Remember this is my take, not law.

Orchid, wow you said it alright!!!



talk about hitting the nail on the head. I have slowly become so aware of the morphing of WS to W and back to WS you can set your watch by it. and it is empowering being able to respond in kind.



many of my early decisions were based on this phenomenon, I tried and tried to formulate a plan, A for instance, but I did not have any control over my emotional self. lots of reacting, lots of DJ's and AO's. now, I am a few months in, and I am finally getting a hold of that emotional side. not that its gone. but, its under some degree of control. when I cry, its for a few minutes not hours. and never any where near WS.

amen for the heart and mind in sync.

OK, that makes all the sense in the world....Got it..thanks Orchid!