Post deleted by lonelyolive

Have you exposed the affair, Olive? I would read through this thread to get a good understanding of Plan A and then come back here and we can help you plan a strategy. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3014240

Also.....

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A by Pepperband

The carrot of Plan A


Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.

He's not in love with her....He's in lust with her and loves the feeling he's getting through his drug of choice, the OW. He loves how IT makes him feel (young,alive again, like am 18 yo in heat, no responsibilites of the real world, carefree, no worries, etc). This is why he's with her.

Welcome. How long have you been married? Any children?

How was the marriage before the 2 affairs in 3 years?

Olive, Just a few questions for clarification:

- Is the OW married?
- Do they work together?
- Are any children involved?
- Does he have relatives to support your position?
- How long have you been married?

Exposure of the affair is the first priority. Exposure to any or all who will be your ally. If she is married it includes the OWH as soon as possible. Start working up a solid plan A. Take care of yourself over the next few weeks. Try to get sleep and eat healthy. Take long walks to relieve stress and clear the mind. You are now among friends.

Olive,

Your post on "Just Found Out" seems to imply that the affair is a sexually active physical affair? If this is true remember that you should not resume any SF with your WH until he is tested and cleared of any STD's.

Post deleted by lonelyolive

Post deleted by lonelyolive

Olive, I would suggest starting first with a phone call to the OWH to discuss the affair.

Who told you that he had walked in on them? How do you know the OW is "working through the divorce process?"

If she hasn't filed, then any talk of D is only "talk." And talk is CHEAP coming from a liar.

Another very effective weapon would be to expose to the OW's PARENTS. This can be a very effective exposure that will cause great conflict in the affair. Can you track them down and call them? Do they live in your H's hometown?

What about your H's parents?

Have you personally gone to your pastor and asked him to help in busting up this affair?

Post deleted by lonelyolive

Olive, I think your best bet is to call her HUSBAND. This might end her affair TODAY. [no guarantees, but this has happened] As far as you know, he knows nothing. I would then call her parents, tell them who you are and ask for their help in saving your family from their daughters affair with your H.

Call every family member of hers you can reach. I ASSURE you they either don't know or they only know a SPUN version devised by LIARS. You cannot ever believe anything an affairee says. Only go by ACTIONS and verify everything.

I need to pay more attention to the contradictions..

I know her parents know because I overheard a conversation in which my H said something about her Mom knowing.. This was before I was told about it. I heard that she is putting pressure on her... telling her how trashy she is, etc. Not being supportive at all...

Olive, call the OW mother yourself and ask for her support in saving your marriage. Tell her what you know about the affair and tell her you are trying to save your marriage. Like I said before, if she DOES KNOW, she knows a SPUN version and not the full truth. Most likely, her lying daughter told her you were seperated or "working through the divorce process but have not filed yet." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Exposure is ruinous to affairs because it forces the affair out into the light of day. And affairs thrive on secrecy. Exposure takes all the fun out of the affair and forces a much needed splash of cold water into the fantasy.

In your case, you cannot afford to cut any corners, because this is his second affair.

Olive--
it's scary to expose, but once you do it, you will be SO glad you did! I'll say it again--SO SO glad.

At first, you want to believe your WH. But see, he's a "W" not just a "H." So youcan't believe him. I know you want to. I did for sooo long. But all he was telling me was lies. We try so hard to protect them from what they are really doing, we're perfect candidates for believing their lies.

But you found your way here and are getting GREAT advice from Mel.

Do you have a support system?

Post deleted by lonelyolive

Olive, the most important exposure will be to the OWH. What about him? He should be the first, followed by the OW mother and then the pastor.

Post deleted by lonelyolive