My gut feeling is back again. It's telling me that my WH is still contacting OW via text messaging. Its the only way I can't find out, because he can simply delete the message and I would never know it was there. It's because of text messaging that I found out about the A. He was sleeping when OW's husband sent him a text and I happened to read it.

He isn't having any symptoms of withdrawal. In fact, he said he doesn't even miss her a little bit. He said he thought he would but he doesn't. I think that's a bunch of crap. Anyone you spend 8 months sleeping with you're going to miss when there is no longer contact. Does that make sense?

Any advice? I plan on pressing the issue like I did when it came to the A. He denied it until he realized I knew something was up. I know he is going to deny this.

Trust what your instinct tells you it's usually right. Figure out a way to verify. He most likely won't admit until you have the proof.

cd, don't ask him if he is still in contact. That is a waste of time. Find out on your own. Follow him, have him followed, put a voice activated recorder in his car, do what you need to do. Get the goods that either indict him or clear him yourself. But don't waste your breath asking him questions.

I would also suggest calling the OWH and comparing notes. Tell him your H is acting funny again and tell him you are watching closely on your end. Ask him to watch on his end.

Have they ended ALL contact? I mean NO CONTACT AT ALL.

I don't know how to get ahold of OWH. I wish I did. I don't know if he's left her or not. Last I knew he did, but she called me the next day saying she couldn't talk to us anymore because she needed to work on her marriage. Who knows.

I know he will deny, deny, deny. I am having him shut off the text on his phone all together. I don't know if he'll still be able to receive messages though. I think he can. I don't know how to get proof of any messages, I don't think I can.

What cell provider does he use? I found hundreds of texts from Xh and OW that way by logging in online. I can't read the messages, but I can see when they are sent and from who. We had Cingular.

Also, once, before I KNEW he was having an A (as in had absolute proof) When he came by, i hid his cell, put in in silent, and he couldn't find it. He went crazy looking for it, but had to give up eventually. If she texts then before he can tell her not to, you'll know because you have the phone. This might be a little more sinister, but nothing is as sinister as adultery.

And if you're in recovery, he should be open and honest with you and willing to see you through this--if he is, then maybe you can even ask him to borrow the phone because you need to go out and yours is "missing."

Just some ideas, but I'd definitely trust your gut and dig deeper before confronting.

Who is your service provider? I have Cingular and they have all the text messages that were sent and received on the billing statement. You can sometimes check it online, but they don't update the text messages as often as the phone log. You might be able to call them up and ask for the latest text messenging logs. I believe all service providers send a list of the text messages with the bill because they charge you ten cents for each one.

My FWW went crazy when she lost her phone. Her main mode was texts. She spent all of 10 minutes looking for it before she ran to the store to replace it.

You don't know the OW's last name? You can't get her address and drive over there? There must be some way you get ahold of him.

CD, your WH may have gotten a prepaid phone or a phone card as a work around to NC. If you have the gut feeling, I would keep looking through everything. Also, do you have a keylogger on the computer? If not, I would suggest that you get one.

Crushed--

I feel for your anxiety and know where it comes from. My wife just received a Blackberry from her work (yes, I verified it was a company account) and it is driving me crazy. Fortunately, she asked me to help her set it up, so I'm pretty familiar with its configuration. The fact that it could be used to communicate with another man without my knowledge or ability to track drives me to distraction.

All my suggestions below are predicated on the fact he is still in contact. He may not be, but we have to trust our gut instincts and at least check them out.

Call the customer service of the cell phone company and ask how to disable incoming/outgoing text messages from his phone. They don't have to know it's HIS phone or why -- tell them you're getting numerous annoying text messages and you want to diable the feature.

You could also ask if there is a plan to charge by the incoming/outgoing message. Usually like $0.10 per message. That way, you'd have a record of them (or at least a volume when you see the bill).

Do an internet search on a SIM card reader. There are tools and ways to take the SIM card from his phone and potentially recover deleted texts. You may even try and track down an ambitious geek at the cell store or someone you know to do this work. For about $15 you can get a USB dongle to copy his SIM card and then allow you to replace it in his phone so he won't know it's missing.

The "pay-as-you-go" cell phone is a popular way to get around tracking.

Look for unusual and periodic purchases at 7-11 or Walmart or some other store for $20 or $50 which might represent pay-as-you-go minutes. Search his car (under seats/trunk/glove box/etc).

I like the idea of putting it on silent and hiding it, especially if you know he has no reason to be "out of the house" for an extended period of time to call the OW on another phone to tell her not to text. Make sure you are glued to him for that time period so he has no opportunity to call her in secret.

Be sure you are not "caught" in doing this. If at all possible, you want him to think you're not checking up. A cheating spouse will often become careless -- it only takes one slip-up to be caught. If he thinks he's getting away with it, he might not be as vigiliant.

Blessings to you -- I hope it turns out there is not contact.