Haven't posted for a while . . . I am the BS whose WH was involved in two As in as many years . . . fast forward to the moment, and WH is still hanging around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I went out with "the girls" on a rare night out recently and ran into OW at a bar! I couldn't help but stare at her so that I could capture her appearance. MOO! She is only 20-something but built like a stockyard. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Very non-descript and unimpressive. Rather Ho-like, in fact. She spent the time that I was there drinking and flirting - surprise- with another married man. And I couldn't believe she was brazen enough to stick around while I was there! I thought about doing several things (for example, introducing myself) but was afraid I might regret my behavior the morning after (after all, I had a glass or two of wine under my belt). But in hindsight, I am interested in MB opinions about what I might have/could have done under the circumstances. Anyone?

So is your husband still with you? I hope you told him all about it.

Hey Believer - great to hear from you. WH is still with me. I didn't tell him about it - because a guy he works with is the married man OW was wrestling with ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> gak). He is a talker and I am SURE he told WH about my arrival. Part of me wanted to know if WH would bring it up. It has been a few days and he hasn't. Should I?

Oh, maybe not. Your husband would probably be very embarrassed, as in "What was I THINKING?"

Hah! That's what I'VE been thinking!

So can you update everyone?

You asked about what you could have done... Two suggestions come to mind. Leave... you do not need to sully your life with her at all... and as far as I am concerned, YOU should also have NC with the HO. The other thing that I would suggest... and this is just my humble opinion... don't go out to bars without your H. Being out drinking in a bar without your H is a recipe for problems....single people... fine... married people.... nope, not okay in my opinion.

Sure! When I last posted, I believe WH was once again stealing money from my investment account. I use the word stealing because I had specifically asked him not to access my account and to let me know if he needed money. In fact, I demanded this and was foolish enough (despite very good advice here from MBers) not to protect my funds. He withdrew several thousand dollars (ostensibly to pay off some common bills) without my consent and I let him have it. This seems to have been his "rock-bottom" event because since then, he has been making what appear to be sincere efforts to restore a relationship. We spend time together as a family and he is generous with his time and offers to take care of DD so that I can do things for myself. He comes home right after work and is generally accessible by phone otherwise.

Regrettably, he does still work with OW and consequently has regular contact with her (MOO - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />). No 2 x 4s on this issue please, this is not likely to change and I just haven't forced it. Now for the small print - we have not resumed SF which worries me alot - but frankly I can't bring myself to initiate it, and he hasn't either. I know this is a problem and am thinking about how to deal with it. The good news is that I really did dislike him intensely for a long time and am recovering from that. I actually feel kinda affectionate toward him again! So . . . this has been a very slow introduction to recovery, but I do feel as if it is on the horizon - if I want it. I am still in this for our DD, but can envision staying with him and making it work. And I am very grateful to MBers like you for keeping me afloat during all of this.

I thought about this, but was certain I would regret leaving without making some kind of a statement. So instead, I held my head high and appeared as if I was enjoying myself immensely.


This advice is well taken. I was actually out celebrating the retirement of WH's colleague at work - with WH's sister! So the whole event was above board and knowing on WH's part. Under different circumstances, I absolutely agree with you!

So there is still contact and you wonder why there is still issues in your marriage. ooooooooooookkkkkkk

You might use seeing her as an icebreaker about SF. Tell him that you saw her in action, and he really does need to be tested for ALL of the STD's, the whole battery of tests.

Let him know that you miss SF with him, and will he get started on testing.

there's another thing you could do... let the married mans(the one your H works with) wife know what her H and the OW were up to.

BINGO!!!

put the hurt on that little tramp!!!!

well, that would be a result of this... but I was thinking more of protecting the BS in this case.... the BS of the man that was at the bar.

Thanks for the 2 x 4 BigK! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Good Idea! Should I do it ....anonymously?

no...let her know who you are.
Be honest about what you saw(you will want to make it all the HO's fault because of what she did to you... but just clearly state what you saw and what you know). You would want to know. I would just ask her to leave you our of this if possible.

Very good advice - thanks. And I guess I'll find out if he's serious, too. Thanks.