OK, before anyone jumps in with, relax...just enjoy the date & see where it goes etc...consider these issues please.

I am drawn to smart men. On my profile I have that I'm looking for men with a Bachelor's degree. I also search for men with "some college" listed under education.

This man I'll meet on Fri. has some college, seems smart, sharp etc. but... he's not formally educated. Having a degree does not make one smart, that much I know for sure, but does it say more about a person? Do circumstances surrounding their either inability to attend college or choice to not attend negate the fact they didn't?

My father is a smart man who was unable to attend college due to his mother needing care. Not his fault he couldn't attend college when he'd planned to. He owned his own business & did very well. I'd be lucky to end up with someone like my father.

One other thing about this man. He told me on the phone last night that he was kicked out of the navy due to marijuana use after 3 1/2 years in. He's 47, this happened over 20 years ago & from what he's said about how he lives his life today he's very responsible, a caring father & hard worker. He has two jobs, one his own contracting company, the other with a small steel fabricating company

I'm not emotionally invested. We've purposely kept communication to a minimum, a few emails & two phone calls, to avoid the great feelings online & by phone but no physical attraction syndrome at bay.

I'm looking for other's thoughts & experiences.

Edited to add: This is less about this specific man than it is about the issues in general. It so happened they came up with the first guy since going back on Match last week.

I think you need to try to define for yourself what you think of as smart. Do you want someone you can discuss politics, music, or have intellectual debates with? Do you want someone with business savy? Do you want someone that is interested in trying or learning new things with you? Do you want someone that will not be threatened by your achievements?

My father is a blue collar worker (paper mill mechanic) that didn't go to college (didn't want to). However, I grew up watching NOVA and PBS and reading National Geographic with him. He always has some project going on that involves taking something abart and fixing it. I think his true intelligence is in realizing that there is always more to learn.

My soon to be X has a college degree and is amazing at remembering names and numbers. However, I don't consider him very smart because he very closed minded in his opinions and is not very adapt at taking information and applying it.

I don't think education indicates a person's intelligence. However, there will be a cultural difference which could be important between someone with a college education and a blue collar worker.

Hey, you have a date great. Let us know how it goes.
I have yet to have a date since updating my profile and photos. And my last bar experience was scary, so no dates in my near future.
Enjoy!

Nams, I’m not sure I understand the question. You’re keeping an open mind. See what this man is about. There are plenty of people who look at college, the money and the time, weigh the pay-off, and decide “Heck, I don’t want to be an accountant, doctor, lawyer, or the ilk. I’ll do it my own way.” One really interesting, smart man I know has two under-graduate degrees and works with his hands.

Newly, hang in there. Have you considered “It’s Just Lunch”? It’s for professionals, and priced that way. But they hand select dates. My sister really enjoyed it, meeting quality men, and she didn’t mean they were quality because of their income or career. More their values, lifestyle, interests, etc. And she didn’t meet any pyschos.

A woman at work is doing it, too. She’s about 7 years younger than us, but she’s having fun even though some aren’t panning out.

I need to try something new.
Nams, if any of these are too far west for you, send them my way.
We should look up each other's profiles for any needed edits.
My hairdresser just mentioned "it's just lunch". I thought it was expensive the last time I looked into it. I'm broke.

Yeah, GG, I'm not too sure what I'm after here.

Excellent points fbwidow!

I want a man who is curious & wants to make learning a life long pursuit. This is very important to me. Ideally he'd have the intelligence to be able to be successful in his work which would provide him with a decent standard of living plus some money for fun.

The cultural differences between those that are college
educated VS those that aren't...that may be more where I'm having a problem.

newly, you're funny! You focused in on the fact I have a date. He's been easy to talk to on the phone which is nice because I hate the phone. He coming across as sweet too which is also nice.

"It's Just Lunch" has had some complaints regarding their "hand picked" approach. They're expensive too. They have branches in major cities so for me it's just too far. Gotta say I wasn't a fan of the whiff of elitism I got from what I've read.

Hey Girls,

I'm on Match too, but I've come to the conclusion that I am too picky!
I had 1 date, remember/or not, the one that couldn't afford the cup of coffee? Needless to say, another one of my
1-date-wonders.
There was 1 other guy that I found interest in and took the leap and emailed, only for him to respond 4 days later telling me I lived too far away.

I think I'm going to let this thing go next month. When guys send me emails or winks, I cringe as I scroll down to veiw their picture or read their profile. That is not a good sign.

My latest plan is....my life is becoming quite full. I'm taking a class, picking up more hours at my job, and bombarded with appts for my girls. I'm thinking now that my life is full, something would fall on my plate, because there is no room for a man right now.

Tell me if you share your profiles and I will too. But I'm not putting it on here for everyone.

Good luck Nams. You know you have to keep us updated.

K.

relax...just enjoy the date & see where it goes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

AGG

AGG, cute. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'll share my profile, I'm sure I could use some advice on making it more appealing, but how do we share without posting here for all to see?

Oh, easy - just tell us your username - we won't tell anyone, cross my heart <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

You are simply full of cute aren't you AGG?

Since you won't tell here my Match users name....












Tee,hee@ match.com

Personally, if people are going to share their profiles, I think the men should go first.

Yeah, well, I already shared mine a short while back.

There, I showed you mine, you know the rest...

AGG

ok, here is mine ( i just made it up) LOL
vivacious, curvaceous blonde high maintenance swf, very outgoing, very motivated, has 2 dogs that i CAN live w/out.

love to laugh, love to joke around, but will also be very sensual and serious. will be very flirtacious with the right guy.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

i am not your mother so don't expect me to be, i am not your maid either!

looking for that special someone who can bring me to the heights of passion every single time, and keep me coming back for more <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

ok, so i don't have any dating site profiles because i don't use them... i just felt like having some fun! hey, it's almost tgif! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

ok, sorry, back to serious now...
mlhb

hey, why is everyone using match.com anyway?? i thought you guys were using the shopping cart method? what happened to the friendly shopping cart bumpers huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

ok, ok, i'll behave now.

hey, men, just a word of advice... no feeling of melons in the fruit sections when shopping... so not appropriate on the first shopping expedition.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

mlhb

OK, nams, all jokes aside, I think you are putting too much thought into this at this point.

No sense trying to figure out what the lack of college degree means, or getting kicked out of Navy means, etc, before you even met him.

If there is enough there to attract you to him to have the first date, then go and have the first date. And then, if all falls into place (so to speak), there will be plenty of time to obsess, and I'll be happy to help you with that, I am great at obsessing.

But for now, just go and see <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

When is/was the date? I need details, since I have nothing going in my life.
I haven't check out your match site, but when I do, you can look at those who have viewed you and see which are your MB buddies.

OK, I went on the date & had a good time. He is a sweet man who laughs easily & seems emotionally available & open. All good. He said he enjoyed the date, as did I, & asked if he should call me again. I said yes. We'll see where it goes from here.

Physically he's smaller than I'm generally attracted to. Another we'll see.

You know AGG, I don't obsess. I think I was trying to decide if I move forward even though there may be some things I would rather a man have but in this case, he doesn't. I decided to go ahead with the date because I'm trying to broaden the scope a bit. At this point, I'm glad I did. Will the things I mentioned bother me later? Who knows. Who knows if we'll see each other again. I've had the scenario before; we both say we enjoyed the other person's company & would like to see each other again only to have it not happen.

A big giant wait & see.

Not much excitement for you newly, sorry. No kiss. He was respectful in that he let me choose to initiate contact or not. Had he reached over for me I would have kissed him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
I waited, made some idle chit chat, but his hands were firmly in his pocket.

Guys, maybe you can say whether this was respectful or lack of interest.

I was the one to say shall we end the evening & we talked in a general way about physical relationships & he came off as...well...not a horn dog...meaning casual sex was not what he's after.

Sure, BTDT, totally normal. Such words never carry much weight. We need time to process, not to make decisions in real time, after meeting a brand new person. So sometimes upon further reflection, our initial opinion changes.


Hard to say; I rarely kiss on a first date, because I find it to be meaningless, kinda like shaking hands. A real kiss is, IMO, inappropriate for a first date, and I do not like kissing people I hardly know. I would not look at it as lack of interest; if it were, he would not have asked you for a second date, right?

AGG

GOOD GAWD!!!!!

go re-rent the movie "hitch" for cryin out loud!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

men and women both rarely say what we really mean and WE all try to anticipate what the opposite sex is thinking especially on a first date....no wanting to say something stupid and such.....

looking for a "smart" mate or companion with a degree or some other pedigree is like saying "that" makes you a better "boyfriend, boss, mate, companion, friend"....etc....

in the "real world" that dosent really matter.....

all we can hope for is to be treated with respect, and treated in the way that we treat the other person...

ive never internet dated but in reading some of these posts...it sounds like a H*ll of alot of work and way too time consuming!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />