My WW (FWW hopefully) ran into the OM yesterday in her class. He showed his maturity and said something very juvinile to her. He is 4 years younger than her (22). He said something to try and make her jealous of him about another girl. She was upset because she did get somewhat jealous and was mad at him for "being like that" to her.

I know NC is very important, but I think it was a good thing that she got to see him as I always knew this guy was. Even if it was just for an instant.

I do have a couple of concerns, that if she sees him again he will be nice and win her back to him. She has been in in past relationships with men that were "unhealthy" and she has said that when someone treated her bad, it just felt so good if there was even a small kind act towards her.

We are still struggling with NC. Really transfering schools is not an option and the only way to have NC would be for her to withdraw from college.

Her finishing her degree has been her dream for as long as I have known her. She was always so greatful to me for enabling her to do and she has considered it the best thing I have given her. I can't ask her to quit.

I am rambling a bit...

With the OM acting like a jerk to her, I am hoping that I have a better opportunity to deposit some more love units...the problem that I am having is that I hardley feel motivated. How do you try and plan a romantic evening or weekend when it feels like you are with a stranger? Sometimes it feels like the kind acts I do are hollow and meaningless because what she did.

--sigh--

OD,

Sorry no one else has been along.

Can your wife change classes to another time of day or night? A time when OM will not be around?

Will your wife agree to send a NC letter to this OM?
Mulan

I see that you do not have kids and apparently your WW (FWW?) is trying to recommit to your M. That being the case I would simply take the man to man approach to this one. I would call, see, or whatever I had to do to communicate to this idiot that should he keep harassing my wife, egging her on, insulting her, that I would "talk" to him a personal level that he can understand if you get my drift. I wouldn't tell him "I am going to beat you within an inch of your life". I would leave that to his imagination. If you are a calmer sort than me then perhaps you could get a restraining order against him if he continues to engage your wife. Your wife will either see your strength in standing up for her or she will be peeved because you scared off her boy toy that she stil hopes to have something with. Either way you win because he's gone.

Orion,

First everything is realtively new to you so your feelings are pretty normal.

Now there are a few things missing from your sig line that are important.

How long have you been M'd and do you have any Kids.

Now for the 2x4 but first let me say this. An A has consequences. If the FWS or the WS didn't think about the ramifications of their actions before the A they certainly have to live with them after the A.



UMMM she was grateful by having an A with someone at school?

I don't get that. You can't ask her to quit? Why not. Can she get the degree online or another way?

Most here will tell you without NC you don't have a chance at recovery.

What is more improtant to you?

Thank you everyone for your responses...

My wife and I had a long talk yesterday and this morning. She is going to talk with the university about dropping classes or perhaps withdrawing from the university She told me the she has let school become the priority and she needs to refocus on our marriage and fix us.

This is the first real gesture I have heard from her since she told me about the A. I am still cautious about getting my hopes up, but it seems that she is very serious about taking steps to save our marriage. We have MC today and this will probably be a topic.

I pushed the topic of a NC letter, she said that she understands where I am coming from but she doesn't feel that she can do that right now and she was sorry for that. She said that she told him that she didn't want to have contact with him and hopefully he will respect that. She is still in the fog a bit, but I am hoping that it is lifting a little and a NC letter/e-mail will be coming shortly.

Part of the reason she is looking to become part time student or perhaps take a break from college is to limit and hopefully eliminate any accidental run ins with the OM. He is leaving the university after this semester and she said that she could go back to school later.

I think she was a lot closer than I realize to her actually leaving me whe she was in the thickest of the fog. She told me yesterday that she had contacted a realator to find a new place to live and had scheduled an interview to find a job if she were to move out. These steps she is going to take with school are a big turn around and I am greatful. I am still praying.

Thank you again for your ears.
-J