She'll fence sit and flip-flop until there is NC. The longer this goes on the less likely you will be able to salvage your M, and if you do, it will take longer to recover. You need to actively work on busting up this A and getting NC. Your biggest tool to get this A to end is exposure. My WW told me she wanted to get a divorce several times before I followed the advice of people on this site. I finally exposed, and she immediately told me any chance we had of reconciling was OVER. She called up a lawyer and made an appointment. FIVE DAYS LATER she agreed to NC after I cut her off financially. This was after I intercepted a call between her and the OM just a couple days before where they talked about being together once she got the D, got a new job, and moved out to Boston. Expose and quit enabling, and it will likely kill the A. She'll be pissed as ******, but your M won't have a chance without it.

What Jim Says!!!!!!!!

Read all you can about infidelity beginning at the HOME page of this site. Purchase and read "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley, founder of these forums. This will give you a serious and truthful overview about infidelity and how to combat it to save your marriage.

People who post here are mostly victims, people who are going through the exact same thing you are. Some who post here are Wayward Spouses, and help is available for them as well. People post here to help you come to terms with the sometimes "counterintuitive" actions that must take place to help bring an end to an affair, and to get to a recovery stage.

Educate yourself, and empower yourself. Don't do anything too hasty without running it by folks here on the boards. We can save you a lot of time and trouble in wasted or damaging actions you may choose to take.

This is not the end of the world, but it sometimes feels like it. Read, learn, ask questions, but most importantly, hunker down for the long run, because this takes a concerted effort and a lot of time.

Best wishes,
SD

So, the OP keeps telling my W taht he loves her and wants to be with her...like a million times a day. I already told her that them talking and texting bothers me, but it has not quit. They talk all the time and I know is is filling her head with a bunch of crap...please help!!! Do I contact the OP??? I have been very nice to W and try super hard to move forward, but obviously, this guy is making really hard for her...

Did you expose the affair? Did you do anything we suggested?

I am not sure if anything is going on that is physical, I have a suspicion, but am not sure. I am working on that. I have told a lot of people about this, but there are many more to talk to.

You must expose the affair as soon as you can to everyone who will be your ally. He is single so you must expose at their place of work. She will be angry but you will survive that. The A will kill your marriage if it keeps going. You are still down on the floor but have to get up with a plan.

Reread everything that has been put on this thread. You can do this.

Are you doing anything about a Plan A?

Please reread your thread and do the things we suggested to help yourself. Expose the affair to her parents, your parents, HIS parents, employer if a workplace affair. Call them up and tell them about the affair and tell them you are trying to save your marriage. Ask for their support and influence in doing so.

I would also suggest having a face to face with the OM and asking him what his intentions are with your wife. Tell him you expect him to stop contacting her and that you will fight for your marriage.

Exposing more. Okay, I just contacted the HR at her work...they now know and hopefully something happens there.
The OP is her superviser and I mentioned about any policies there. Also told a friend of hers that works there, she is the Store Mangers secretary and a friend of ours. She has know my W for a long time, so I am not sure what will happen with that...I am nervous, becuase she will evetually find out what I did, but this is good right??? My W's Mom knows, but thinks they are know "just friends" and has basically taken my W side, so I think that is a lost cause, but I plan to talk to here dad soon to elt him know what I know. Is this good?

Call her mother and dad TODAY and tell the true story. The mother has likely been told a SPUN VERSION by your W. Tell them you want to save your marriage and ask for their help.

Do this TODAY, so you will get the maximum effectiveness of your exposure. And since she is going to be furious, you might as well get your money's worth.

Now, she will be furious when she finds out. What you have done is the equiavalent of taking the crack pipe away from the crack head. Do you understand? You are not going to get a dozen roses for interfering in her affair. SO BE PREPARED. Tell her that you most certainly did expose her affair and tell her to WHOM. Tell her you are sure sorry she is upset but you will do what it takes to end her affair.

She will say fogbabble like: "I was going to work on our marriage but now I am not," " I am going to get a divorce.." blah, blah, blah, blah.... Don't let it rile you up and don't take it seriously. She is just trying to scare you and to stop you from further interference in her affair. ASSURE HER THAT YOU WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO BUST UP HER AFFAIR. But don't allow her to bait you into a fight.

Got that?

So, finish up your exposures TODAY and get your money's worth.

When you exposed at work, you gave them the NAMES, dates, etc, right? What did you say and what was their response?

Yes, I gave the names and what I knew for sure, that they kissed and made out on the clock at work. The company paid them to make out! I did not give the exact dates, but told them when it happenned.

GOOD JOB. Keep exposing and brace yourself for the fall out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

17832ew78,
What would be the next right thing to do if you were not afraid?
Do as others have advised you and regain control of your life.

Blessings,
Jerry

We ended up talking last night and I know I shouldn't have, but we did. I think I may have pushed back a bit more? Do I just give her space? That is what she says she really needs from me right now?

17, that is good that you talked. Why do you think you shouldn't have? What does that mean she "needs space?"

She says she needs time to figure things out. I am being to "pushy" and she wants me to back off. I am afraid if I back off, she'll just keep getting closer to the OP. She told me she loves me and knows this is hurting me, but right now, she does not want what I want (which is to move forward and make our marriage better), however, she says she does not know what shee wants right now...

What exactly are you doing that she finds "pushy?" What does she mean when she says "back off?" Does this mean not talking to her? Sleeping on the couch? What does that mean exactly?

Does she know yet that you have exposed her affair at work? Did you call her parents as I suggested?

She wants me to back off from talking to her about the same thing all of the time. I have not told her I contacted her work. I called here mom last night and told her I was positive something was still between these 2 and she said she did not think so. She said my daughter is not a good liar. I said, I know and I know she is lying to me. Here mom told me to "back off" and give her some space to figure out what she wants to do. I am lost...

Do you have some evidence of the affair you could show her mother? I would suggest calling her father, also, and giving him the facts.