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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions how long is withdrawal after EA

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how long is withdrawal after EA #1810907 01/17/07 09:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 36 I InfatorLove Member
InfatorLove Member I Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 36	All, does anyone have a rough estimate of how long withdrawal takes for a WW once an EA ends and NC is established? (NC broken twice) Is there any suggestions as to how to handle withdrawal as BS and how to reduce risk of NC break especially if OM is likely to attempt contact?

Re: how long is withdrawal after EA InfatorLove #1810908 01/17/07 09:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 4,222 J jmwc95 Member
jmwc95 Member J Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 4,222	About as long as the A lasted or six months, whatever is less. Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story

Re: how long is withdrawal after EA jmwc95 #1810909 01/17/07 10:03 PM
Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 7,464 Sydney, Australia B bigkahuna Member
bigkahuna Member B Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 7,464 Sydney, Australia	It depends on the level of emotional attachment really. could be anything from 6 weeks to 6 months. A poster called Snowbelle posted this a long time ago... Quote Withdrawal really puts us BS's over the edge. We want our WS automatically to disengage from the OP, turn their "love" to rabid hate for that person, and fall into our arms telling us how sorry they are and how they plan to make it up to us. Save it for the soap operas. The fact is that your wife has nursed a whole life with this OP for some time (weeks or years, it really doesn't matter) and she has to grieve the loss of that crutch. She may truly want your marriage to survive while she still wants to be with her "soulmate" (yeah, the one who never calls HER). It takes time for the WS to cut the strings that bound them to the OP and see the relationship for what it truly was. Hang tough. It's hard on you now, but it will be even harder on her when the dawn starts to break through. Then she will really need you. Be supportive, understanding and loving. She has to come out on her own. She must agree to inform you of ANY contact or attempted contact. ANY Contact starts the withdrawal clock from zero again. If OM persists in contact, consider a RO. Recovery is dependant on NC Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.

Re: how long is withdrawal after EA bigkahuna #1810910 01/17/07 10:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 36 I InfatorLove Member
InfatorLove Member I Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 36	Thanks for the advice - is there any tips for the first few weeks in particular? Do they need 'space', time to think about what they miss or is it better to be supportive by keeping them busy / vacation / nice dinners etc?? Just at a loss of what to do here....

Re: how long is withdrawal after EA InfatorLove #1810911 01/17/07 10:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	"Space" is a code word for seperation to pursue the affair, so don't even agree to any "spsce." If she wants "space," clear her out a corner in the garage. In the meantime, don't smother her, but try to engage her as best you can with dinners, vacations, etc. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: how long is withdrawal after EA MelodyLane #1810912 01/17/07 10:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Wait a minute, is this a COWORKER? Does she still work with him? If so, she is still in contact with him if she still works there. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

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