I am new here, so sorry this will be kinda long. But please I am desperate for any help or advice. My fiance and of almost 4 years and I split up at the begining of November, I threw him out because I was tired of him being mean and lazy. I also had suspicions about a female corworker. I honestly figured we'd be apart for a few days and reconcile. We have 2 kids, one is biologically his. The first few days of seperation were fine, he asked to come back and I said no lets give it a little time. Well next thing I know he is moved in with this 19 year old coworker of his. He is 24 I am 22. He didn't call for like 3 weeks then he finally showed up to see the kids. Anyway this caused him to have seconds thoughts and he called me crying the next day asking if I thought we were done, I told him I wanted to try again, but won't wait forever so he needed a few days to decide which made me really mad. He said he was going to stay with her and the day after that he showed up crying and wanting to come home so I let him. it has been almost 6 weeks since he has been back and I am still very hurt by all the things he said and did...we had our first thanksgiving alone, he neglected the kids, told me he hated me, we weren't a good couple, he has never felt like this about anyone (refering to the new girl), and on and on, but the hardest thing is knowing he slept with her. I can't forget it everytime he touches me I think about her...this whole thing is on my mind 24-7. I feel like I am going crazy and I want it to stop. Before this happened neither one of us treated each other good and now we do, but my mind is ruining everything. I cry constantly, I can barely eat, it is making me physically sick. Advice on how to get over this please....

Hi Alicia..welcome..this is a wonderful place to be and there are a lot of great people that will help you here. Is he still in contact w/ this OW (other woman)? If so, he needs to have no contact (NC) with her if he wants this to work. Get the book Surviving An Affair and read it...read it well..have him read it too...read on here all about his needs/her needs (HNHN) and read read read all you can about this. You are not going crazy and I know that it can become obsessive but that is very normal. Post a lot on here and people will help you. What you are feeling is very normal. Read as much as you can-I cannot stress that enough. Pray for strength and don't forget to breath. I was in your shoes 2 months ago and I am already a stronger woman b/c of what happened. Hang in there...I promise, it does get better.

Welcome. Let me get this right. This man is your fiance of four years, he was mean and lazy and then he cheated. Also he neglects the kids.

Why do you want him around?

No he has been in absolutely no contact with her, he's deleted her number, got rid of her photos, he quit his job there. And yes I do want him around, we get along much better now, but the problem is the hurting won't go away

ok...did you read believer's post? She does have a point....but if you want this to work, you both need to get into counseling, read Surviving An Affair (SAA) and keep reading on here...both of you have to do this...not just one...Alicia, the pain will go away....is he doing anything to help this pain go away? Is he meeting any of your needs?

Alicia, "shacking up," no matter how you want to "dress it up" is NOT the same thing as being married. You may not believe that, but ask around and you will find a lot of agreement on the issue.

You, at 22, already have 2 children, one by him and one by someone else, so I assume you that your "fiancee" is not the "only one" who had sex with someone else. That doesn't make what he did "right," but it does indicate that you both have a high degree of immaturity at 24 and 22 as well as a marked lack of respect for, and understanding of, marriage.

You have him back now, and "all is well," other than your "mental movies" of the OW and your fiancee (I use that term in the loosest possible sense). And you see your ONLY problem as how to "forget" and "get rid of" the mental images?

There is MUCH more wrong, in my humble opinion, with your relationship, let alone with a potential lifelong marriage with this man, and I STRONGLY suggest that you both get into JOINT counseling. From my perspective, neither one of you is "marriage material" at this point and you NEED to be exploring with a counselor MANY aspects of a committed relationship in marriage and parental responsibilities for your children.

A "band-aid" is not, imho, what you need. You need "intensive care" with a trained counselor, especially before you might bring yet another child into the world and your "family."

Please seek out competent counseling for the good of all before you both find yourselves hating each other.

God bless.