I haven't posted in a while, but I'm a Major in the Air Force stationed in Izmir, Turkey. My wife and two sons are back home in Florida. We have had some hard times and just about divorced back in October. Ever since then, I went home for 10 days around Halloween to work on the marriage. We went to counseling a couple times while I was home and she kept going to counseling after I left. Things were going pretty good all the way until I flew back home on 14 Dec for a month to be home for the holidays.

The history is that I am realizing that I wasn't the husband that I should have been for her. I was talking to other women on the internet and phone, but not meeting them. I never had a physical affair with any of the women, but I guess you can call it an emotional affair with them. Anyways, that as well as I was a jealous husband hasn't helped our situation too much at all. She wanted her space and to think about our marriage. She won't tell me she loves me, she says she doesn't have the same feelings as before with me, and we haven't had sex since 9 Sep 06 when she came out to visit me in Turkey. We are both on ADs and it has helped her out and it is starting to work for me as well. I just want her to see the new me, how I plan to change for her and the family and be the husband she wants. Luckily, she agreed not to do anything until I return home for good in June. Then she said she will see how things go.

Its just hard for me to do as much as I can and not get much in return from her. Just a nice email saying how are you doing etc...that would make my day. We have good talks on the phone, but it isn't the same as if I was there. I pray every night that we can work this out, but I wish she would just break down that wall she has up and start letting me into her heart again. I have been reading a lot on this forum and I've been reading the book HIS NEEDS/HER NEEDS. We both filled out the EN questionairre and we know what each other wants, but I just hope she tries to meet mine as I'm trying to meet hers. I just want her feelings to change soon....ANY IDEAS>

boy can I relate to this!!!


and the advice i am trying to beat into my own head is to STOP looking at it that way.

just meet her needs.
be a great husband.
be a happy person.

that is all you can control anyway.

her response is going to be her response, not in your control.

love her without expectations

yes, simple, but not easy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I plan to do all that believe me. But it just hurts that she doesn't feel the same way. Then I have to ask myself, how long do I keep banging my head against a wall trying to do all this stuff for her with nothing in return? Maybe I should just not worry about it and move on, not leave her just not try so hard and see if she responds that way? I won't email her unless she emails me first, call her unless she calls etc. She knows I still love her, but maybe if she realizes how much I was doing for her and now it has stopped, she might make some effort.

Prayer.

You say you have had a few emotional affairs?? You have children?? You can put a little more time into this can't you? Why do you wait until she e-mails you before you e-mail her?
Is it because you don't want to smother her? I don't quite get it. I can see that you may not want to appear needy as in e-mailing her twenty times before she e-mails you. I just don't see why you wait til you receive her e-mail. I agree that you should be positive, and meet her needs as best you can. Have you sent her pictures of you? Have you asked her for recent pics of her?
Lake

Thats what I mean. I don't want to smother her, not just wait until she emails me first. Anyways, we talked yesterday on the phone for about an hour and it went really well. I was positive and she seemed very happy that day. I just need to quit thinking of all the bad stuff and thing of good things to make this marriage work. I am heading home again in March for about 13 days and hope it will be even better than when I was home during the holidays. Thanks for all your inputs, I always read these posts and try to learn as much as I can. ALONE IN TURKEY!!!