I have been married 7 months on the 20th of this month. Before this my now husband and I were together 7 years. We have done everything together. We have always been happy. We are memebers of a recreational volleyball team. About 2 months ago a "new" girl came to work at his workplace and he asked her to come. Ever since then things have not been the same. It all started last week. He wanted to start a restuarant business and I thought it was a bad idea and he made some decisions without me. Then on Saturday night we went to the Christmas dinner for his workplace and she was there. Throughout these 2 months when they have been together they are way too "close." After the dinner we all went out. He danced with her (he never dances). From upstairs I saw them talking really close. SO I got mad. He started to tell me he didn't love me anymore. SHe made him realize he could be happier without me. They had been having these conversations at work and she wa leaving her husband too and they were going to be together and his life was devoted to her. The next day he admitted he had lost his love for me 2 months ago when she came into the picture. I have talked to her she and him both said they had no sexual relations and she has no intentions of leaving her husband. She also told him she had no intentions of leaving her husband and when we were talking last night he said "even if we (him and her) don't end up together he knows he would be happier without me. I have asked him can't we try to work it out and he was convinced his feelings won't change. Now he is willing to try to work on our marriage. What do I need to do to help him fall in love with me again?

Sorry you find yourself in this mess. This place is the best around to help you work on your marriage (M).

You will need to call this other woman's (OW) husband (H) and let him know what his wife is doing with your H.

Your H will get mad at you for this, but he will get over it. Don't tell him you are going to call, just do it.

Your H or OW will need to change jobs too. IF they keep seeing each other everyday you have no chance of your H recovering his loving feelings for you.

This is a quick version of what you need to do. Others will come along with more things.

Trust me on the things I said, my wife was in the same thing with a man she worked with. She told me the same things your H is telling you today. She changed jobs and stopped talking to him. Now my wife is in love with me again and we are happy.

best wishes

Read up on this entire website. There is loads of free info here. Read up on the first four posts on the For Newly Betrayed Spouses forum. Read up on plan A. What are your WH's top 5 ENs? Start meeting them expecting nothing in return. Cut out all LBs. However, the key to saving your M is NC between your WH and OW. This means that can't work together, call, text, or email each other. Nothing. He needs to remove his emotions that are tied up with her and attach them back to you, but that will never happen as long as she is in the picture. The best way to kill an A is exposure. Expose to OWH and your WH's family and friends. It won't be as fun to hang out with her when there a several disapproving eyes staring down at them.

You will also need to know what all of this means: WW, WH, OMW and such.

Go to "Just Found Out" page and it's the 3rd one down called
"Acronyms" this will help you when people here respond to you.

WW - wayward wife
WH - wayward husband
OMW - other mans wife

things like this

Thanks for all your help!!! My husband is still telling me the stuff about his feelings for me have changed and it is nothing like that with her again.....How do I make him fall back into love with me??

Your h feelings have changed for you. He has a new place to park his feelings for now. How to change this?

1. you have to break up this A. Call OWH and tell him.

2. work on being a better you - woman and wife - called Plan A. Read about it here on this site.

3. make sure that thier is NC between your H and OW. This is where one of them will need to change jobs.

4. The path that will lead your H to feel in love with you agian is NC and time along with Plan A.

You need to look into buying "His Needs / Her Needs". It is here on this site. Also a good place to start.

Thanks! Should I call her husband even though he says nothing is going on and it was never anything physical?

Really?

Where did this come from? "They had been having these conversations at work and she wa leaving her husband too and they were going to be together and his life was devoted to her."

Does her H know about that? I'll bet that he'll likely be quite surprised to hear that his W had plans to leave him and devote her life to someone else.

Expose, expose, expose...

December,

Learn about, and start a solid Plan A. The basic outline provided by pepperband is as follows.

“Peps” The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A

The carrot of Plan A

Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm, comfortable and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking and not asking for acknowledgment, approval or anything in return.

Stop all lovebusting behaviors. These include selfish demands, disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, annoying habits, independent behavior and dishonesty.

Communicate with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remain open to the possibility of recovery.

Offer forgiveness and understanding.


The stick of Plan A

Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not apologizing for exposure or speaking of the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicate the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establish boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financial security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Stand up to infidelity as a beast that must be slain for the good of the family.



December, be careful not to believe everything your WH or the OW has told you about the depth of their A. WS's lie. They lie a lot. Exposure must happen.

Affairs thrive in darkness and secrecy. It must be revealed. Wayward spouses are like vampires and exposure is the morning sun. They can't live with it.

The WS will probably be furious about the exposure but it must be done. Your marriage can survive the relatively brief period of anger after exposure but it can not survive a prolonged affair.

In the end for you to build a new marriage the A must die and NC (no contact) for life must happen between your WH and the OW. If they work together, one of them must leave that company.

“It is an approved maxim in war, never do what the enemy wishes you to do, for this reason alone he desires it.” – Napoleon I