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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1 |
My situation: married 13 years, 3 kids (10,11, and 5.) I never thought I'd be in this place. For about 10 years I did not hear my wife's cries that I was killing her dreams. I did not really consider what she might want out of life, only what I wanted. I never cheated on her nor did I abuse her, but she feels so abandoned emotionally, that I think the pain is deeper than if I had.
It wasn't until about 3 years ago that I realized what I was doing. However, I think it might be too late. She has no love for me anymore, only contempt (I don't blame her.)
Specifically wondering if for those who went through the same thing and worked it out, what did you do. I am seeking individual counseling, but wondered what other things you did to save your marriage.
Thanks
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 7 |
My situation is similar. Have you got the counseling and did it help?
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 451
Member
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Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 451 |
Hello hopefullynot,
Welcome to MB.
Can you describe what your wife is telling you? It's not uncommon for spouses to blame the other for all that's wrong in their life.But try not to take all the blame here ok?
One example in my life was that my now ex slowly withdrew from our marriage and our family life and then he cheated on me.He never once expressed that things were so bad for him.Not once( he's a conflict avoider/CA).So when the nuke went off that he cheated,I was devastated.I had no clue, as many don't.Sure no one is prefect and we may actually not take things seriously from the other person.Did your wife really try to get your attention about how she was feeling? Did she suggest counseling before?
Sometimes people "wake up" when the threat of a divorce (D) looms but then you have to take a long look at just what your role was.Sometimes it's that the spouse is lost,bored or in some kind of transition/mid life crisis so they can blame you for those feelings,not that it is your fault.It's not your job to make your wife happy all the time.She has to have an independence too.
You both have 3 children to think about so the possibility of a D better be handled very carefully.It involves them too and it can affect them for the rest of their lives.
A few questions: do you think your wife is having an affair? Will she go to counseling with you? What things has she been saying lately?
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