Where do I start? My husband & I have been married for 9 years in December, together for 12. We have had our ups and downs just like every other marriage but this time seems different. I am 34, husband is 33. We live in a small town. My husband has a cousin who is 34 and not married and tends to do a lot of partying/drinking/cheating on girlfriend sort of thing. I love my husband with all my heart, we have 4 children total, only one is ours together... ages 7, 13,15,and 16.
Lately, my husband has been doing a lot of "hanging out" with the cousin who is bad news. I dont know if he thinks that what he does is fun and he wants a part of it or what but for some reason, he does not want me with him when he "goes out" he says that I am smothering him and he needs space & a little freedom. However, when he goes out with the cousin, he comes home drunk and at early morning hours.
Now, I have been hearing from other people, that he is going around telling "other women" that he is not happy and wanting a divorce. When I ask him if he is happy he says yes and that he does not want a divorce. I don't know what to do.
One night, he got a text message from another woman on his phone and then he recieved a call from another woman... I could hear what she was saying and he just acted like it was the wrong number.
Please help! How to I make my marriage work and make my husband see the light????

and your response to this has been ... what?
Pep

I cry and tell him that he should be home with his family... I fuss at him for not answering his cell phone when I tried calling. I ask him what he wants and if he wants to be single... He responds with "just get off of it"

how many times have you done this?

Pep

this has been going on since before Christmas, and it has been almost every weekend, except this past weekend, he did stay home with me.

well
obviously what you have tried numerous times
is not working
and will not work

so what do you say we come up with something dramatically different?

are you willing?

Pep

doing something different involves exercising great self control on your part

what'cha'think?

Pep

you have the right person for this job in the form of PEP! Your H will not know what hit him!

hahahaha

but

I just got a call

gotta go

will be back in an hour or so

Pep

But what do I do? what do I say to him? I am soooo lost!!!!

For now, you say:

"Yes, I am willing to try something new."
Or
"No, I like doing what I have been doing."

One thing at a time, don't get ahead of this. (grin)

SS

Yes, I am willing to try something new."

I am pulling up a chair and waiting for Pep. This should be good.

tell me a little more about this

1. am I correct to assume the 7 year old is the only child from this marriage?

2. tell me where the teenagers got their genetic makeup ... in other words,
which teen is whose?
do they all live with you full time?

3. were either of you still married to someone else when your romance began?

4. besides the recent drinking, has there been any of the following behaviors by either of you while married to each other?

and if yes, to what degree?

A drugs
B porn
C previous affairs

thanks

Pep

bump

Expose him to his parents. Then make plans to go out yourself on the weekends, and get out the door before he does. Make him watch the kids. Identify his top 5 ENs, and start working on them. Start checking his cell phone bill. If you see calls from other women or you here other women calling him, take away his cell phone. If he continue to go out, get a male friend of yours to tail him, and let him know what you know. These are all ideas that you could do. Let him know that this bevior will not be tolerated, and back it up.

Yes, the 7 year old is the only child from this marriage. The 13 & 15 year old girls are mine from previous marriage and the 16 year old boy is his from a previous relationship. They all do live with us full time. No we were not married to anyone else when our relationship began. Ok... the only porn is what he may watch on Cinemax after he comes to bed and the kids are in bed... Drugs, he used to have a drug problem, crack/cocaine and still from time to time does use hydrocodones (while drinking) and marijuana...Affair, about three years ago, I had an affair and left him for another man.. However, he had cheated on me a few times before that. We ended up back together... and here we are!
So tell me,,,, what do I do,,,, how can I make him fall in love with me again??

I have NO idea

good luck with your plan

Pep

I don't have a plan! What is your advice for me on trying something new? Please help??

I am quiet interested in this too. My WH also gives me the same story once in awhile although he doesn't go out with anybody but alone. Not necessarily to bars or anything but, for a movie or just prefers spending time alone. I reaction to his "need space and independence" was exactly same as that of maryelliss and it did not work. So I am all ears too.