This is a great read for all here... BS and FWS and WS.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/C...98&GT1=8989

There are parts of it that tick me off... but mostly, I think it is on the money.

"It took having the affair to finally open my eyes. Everything we went through made us stronger. So, this may sound awful, but I guess I'm not sorry for the affair. I'm sorry that I hurt so many people — especially my husband and daughters. But our family bond has been tested, and I now know it's unbreakable."

Can I GAG now?

That's the part that got me too!

The thing is, this woman had the world by the tail. She married her highschool sweetheart, he built her a beautiful home, and she was blessed with 2 healthy kids.

Oh-oh, but something was "missing", so she hooked up with a married man, drug both families through ******, and now her hubby has forgiven her, and the family bond is unbreakable.

The more likely story is that once the OM's wife got wind of the motel rutting episode, the OM backed off, and the WW quickly ran back to her husband.

Thanks for sharing this MEDC.

Quote:
Oh-oh, but something was "missing",

Heh, sounds like several things were missing..none of them resolved by an affair although I think the affair probably did a lot to illustrate the missing pieces...

Yeah, that part, EWWWWWWWWWW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

This story could have been written by me. I agree wth the writer. My marrage was "tested" by affairs, two for her and one for me. These affairs could have ruined our marriage but they have only made it stronger. They brought to light allot of issues, that once identified, we could work on. These were the hardest two years of my life but looking back, how we handled them and the growth spurned from them have made all the difference in our marriage.

They gave us an experience that we could share with other couples. We understood how a marrige could break-down and what it took to right the ship. We used those experiences to help other couples who had been through similar situations.

In the marriage classes my wife and I teach, I often use a couple quotes from Douglas Adams...

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.



and....


Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disnclination to do so.



God Bless,

Doug

So, let me get this straight... you AGREE with the author???? So, you are not sorry you put your penis is another woman while married to your W?

And then you sign your post... with a salutation of God Bless.

Please tell me you are kidding.

I think it's a common mistake among Christians to think that when something bad leads to something good, that it is BECAUSE of the bad...but the truth is, good comes IN SPITE of the bad that happened.
I hope that woman quoted didn't mean what she said. Geesh.

NOW

Well, I am a born again Christian... and while I believe that we can find good in the lessons learned from our mistakes... I would NEVER suggest that I am not sorry for hurting other people or for offending my Lord.... and adultery is offensive to everyone it touches.
I'm more concerned about Doug meaning what he said since he is a poster on these boards.

My question to them is, who do they think "tested" their marriages using an affair?

Make:

I guess you are disappointed that Scott didn't divorce her, Huh?

The story is about a couple working it out. Is she wrong? Yes. Did her H forgive her? I guess so.

And in Redbook Magazine, It's important that that message be written. Because some couple can have a M after an A. Yours didn't, but others can.

Sorry about that.

Yeah what he said!

she only she proved by not only having the A, but then not being sorry for tearing up so many lives, is that she is self centered and low moral character, undeserving of any righteous man. Call me what you want, when your spouse has an A, and does what they do when they are alone, you don't have a marriage anymore. No more commitment, no more bond between you... it's all gone because she gave herself to another, and it wasn't her husband.

She DID say she was sorry she hurt so many people...I don't think her statement came out as she intended.

LG... I am not quite sure of the purpose of your post... but. no, I am not disappointed in his not divorcing her... just her words about not being sorry for having the affair.
As far as your comment about some couples being able to have a M after an A... duh.... hence the purpose of this site.
Your post makes no sense to me at all.

Yes, she did... but SHE ALSO SAID she wasn't sorry she had the affair.

Granted, it was a very poor choice of words, but you can't take that sentence out of context.

Ouch, Kuky...does that mean you aren't a believer of redemption? Once the bond is gone...can we not form a new one...one not full of resentment, entitled, enmeshment...lacking respect?

I believe marriage persists...even when neither are acting married...that's God's contract with us, too...he exists whether we know him or not.

And he welcomes us home when we stray...and guides us every step of the way when we're willing and aware...

The wayward state of mind is the MOST unaware we can be...acting virtually unconscious...and until we awaken...sometimes, from an entire life in this manner...we don't see what others, who were not asleep, like you...see.

Normal for humans to hit their depth before waking up...easy to attribute the depth, not the height of God, for it...

Kuky...are you saying you believe Bonnie is currently self-centered, of low moral character and undeserving? Or was she when she chose to have an affair?

I believe we have individual choice as to what we are grateful for...and I'm with Doug...I am grateful for my DH's A...my rock bottom. It's very likely I would have gotten there had he chosen divorce instead of adultery...honestly, I cannot know...didn't happen. And that's the point...I do not learn from what didn't happen...only what does.

That's me. I respect MEDC and Kuky for believing differently.

I do not believe I can protect myself from others' choices...and I now see all the betrayal of my marriage in every choice I made to resent, judge, take on my DH's choices as about me, in not having boundaries or enforcing them...around myself and the marriage. Each was an act of unfaithfulness...small compared to infidelity...all part of it...paving my road to destruction one cobblestone at a time...and a long stretch of it was from choosing to believe love is earned...when it is a choice, a belief and a million acts.

I pray that is what Bonnie and Scott learned...and the article limit was too severe. Like the editor spent more time on the sensational justifications instead of the glossed over honest long haul of personal and marital redemption.

I had to see where I inflicted a thousand slices of pain, which cumulatively came to the obscene level of that of infidelity. So I didn't discount, lose part of the lessons...

LA