My 2.5 year old daughter came home from her day with her Dad today saying she had a shower with Daddy. I think they must have been to the beach as her face was a little red, and her hair was freshly washed and nice smelling.

WH and I have been separated for 12 months. When we were still living together, he did take our daughter into the shower with him (when she was a year old) and I did the same. No problem with that. However, he left us and didn't see our daughter for 7 months, so when he returned to support her, she didn't know him from a bar of soap.

They've built a relationship over the past 8 months that he's been back here in my country as he has her every Saturday, but i'm not sure how I feel about them showering together.

My only concern is that she's getting to the age where she's noticing her 'parts' and, if he was showering naked, would not doubt have noticed his. Now, the thing is I don't KNOW if he was showering naked. He might have left his shorts on...but what if he didn't?

Is this appropriate now? If we were a married couple and weren't separated I wouldn't have a problem with it at this stage, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it now.

What are your honest opinions? I don't want to make a big deal of it if it's really not that much of an issue for a 2.5 year old.

I'd be more concerned why your little one felt compelled to tell you.

Have you asked safe yet probing questions? If she is an inquisitive 2 1/2 year old, she will notice differences.

What do the laws in your area say about promiscuious acts? Not that he is doing such but you may need to brush up on the laws there for the protection of your child.

L.

She said it in a very innocent way for example: train with daddy, beach with daddy. Shower. I said 'Did you have a shower?' she said 'Shower with Daddy'. There didn't seem to be any concern in her voice at all, so I don't feel worried in that way, but I do feel worried if he was showering naked because, as you said, she'll have noticed the differences.

I'll have to look at the laws over here.

I haven't asked questions because I don't get answers from her yet. This morning was the first time she actually told me she didn't want to do something 'Don't want to go Daddy' when we were leaving the house to go drop her off, so getting answers from her is still very difficult.

WH and I have not been on speaking terms the last few weeks since he's refused to verify whather OW has arrived out here and is continuing to play games with me. I'm hesitant to break the dark Plan B i've been in and just wonder how to approach the subject with him. For all I know he may very well have just held her under the shower without getting in, though I doubt it.

Pay attention to her actions. She is communicating with you.

The scary thing is a WS is actually dangerous to our children, yet the laws often place children in the care of these foreign beings. The real parent (H / father - not ws) would probably be mortified to have his daughter around a WS.

Someday you should ask the WS a 3rd party question about if he thinks it is ok for a Ws t/b around his child. Let him know there is a WS character who wants to be around his child. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Don't tell him it's him....just let him think it is someone else....then after he rants about how bad it is, id the WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

I like the sounds of doing that! (Though at this stage, he'd not fall for that scenario at all. Unfortunately he's a VERY intuitive man. Often knew how I felt about things before I even knew...and definately knew how to read things correctly whether I wanted him to or not!).

Daughter is definately starting to communicate with me more now. She quite often doesn't want to go with him for the day and he's been wanting to have her overnight which I'm totally opposed to at this stage. If he hadn't left her for 7 months at a crucial age, it might be a different story. Despite that however, I know she enjoys her time with him and is fine 5 minutes after I leave.

I don't know how to use quotes here yet, but what you said about WS's being dangerous to our children is so true. Sadly most of society doesn't agree. Our standards have changed so much in the last 50 years. Suddenly everything is acceptable. I was starting to think my ideas of love and acceptable behaviour were just a fairy tale and I needed to just accept that most of the world doesn't hold the same beliefs in morals as I do.

It's so nice to know that the people on this board think the same way I do. It gives me hope <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think a father showing with a daughter any age is just wrong... period. There are a lot of factors that happen in a divorce, but if you think that he may be abusing her, or trying to get her... you know, then you need to take action and protect your daughter. Maybe if you can, take her in to talk to someone, or ask some very well aimed questions and find out just what happened. If at any time you feel / think something inappropriate happened, go to court and get a restraining order.

Its hard knowing just how much you can trust what a 2 year old says I suppose. They are so innocent that they really don't understand the gravity of things at times. She may have been trying to say something else too... were they both naked, or just showered after getting all sandy with their clothes on. I have been to the beach, and they have showers you use outside, with your clothes on, you know. Those are things to ask.

Hmmm...

I don't have any real concerns about kids showering with parents unless the opposite sex child is well old enough to be showering alone or old enough to be uncomfortable seeing the "parts" of the opposite sex.

to give you my point of view.... I have 3 daughter's 6,9,11 We all used the same shower until they were at least 3 years old. Sometimes we would be rotating in and out of a show at the same time. My six year old I still wash her hair when she is in the bath.

With my 11 year old we have discussed proper bathroom behaviour, I don't enter when she is in and she doesn't enter when I am in.

I don't make a big deal about it I don't gasp if they come in while I am in the shower to get a hairbrush or something... I think it important not to make big deal about it because they are going to start knowing their own sexuality and if we as parents make big deals about things they will think its wrong or bad or something its not.

I read an article about teenage pregancy and one of the biggest factors in the girls getting pregant in the first place was poor example of proper handling of sexuality in the home.

I think it is okay at that young of an age.... I like VR's take on things.

I would say that if the mention of her showering with her father made you feel wary, which posting here says something about that, then do something about it.

As VR and MEDC point out, 2.5yrs is quite young and, personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. I've been working with my son to knock on the door when ANYONE is in the bathroom, and wait for a response prior to entering. He tends to like to sit on the toilet and talk to me while I'm in the shower, and 'I' have become uncomfortable with that due to the fact that I begin to have more clear memories from the age of ~4 yo on...