I know this may not be the biggest problem ever.. but it's really coming between me and my husband.

My papaw died a few years back. He raised boston terrier dogs. I have recently been informed that one of my friends has puppies from my papaw's dogs' bloodline. This is very sentimental to me, and I am really wanting one of these puppies. Right now, they arent old enough to take from the mom yet.

My husband for the first little bit fought this idea. He finally asked advice from his co-workers, and they told him he should let me get the dog. He then emailed his mother and asked her about it, and she said that it should be kept outside because his family would get upset if it were to be kept inside. (We live in his grandparents old houes). He came home and told me I could have it, on one condition- that it be kept outside. I hesitantly agreed. (because I of course, want it to be inside.)

I found out a few days ago that Boston Terriers aren't to be kept outside and are strictly inside dogs because of breathing problems. They can suffer from heatstroke or can die from the cold in the winter. I told my husband this, and he says it goes outside or I'm not getting the dog. This is frustrating me to no end.

What do I do? Get the dog, throw it outside, and watch it die in the extreme cold/heat?... or stand my ground?

Thanks for your help!

its sounds like your husband tried to meet you half way, you have to take his needs and feeling into consideration as well, it sounds just that his family would be upset about a dog inside the house.

Why don't you help find a home for the dog, be a stepmom to it wherever it gets placed.

You could turn this around and make it a learning experience with your husband, not about the dog about how you guys work through disagreements like this in the future.

Good Luck

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstance.

Have you told your husband how important having the dog with the bloodlines is to you emotionally?

Do you live WITH his grandparents or in their house?

He knows the main reason WHY I want the dog- and that's because it came from my papaw's bloodline of dogs. I lived with my mom and stepdad, but my grandparents were our neighbors. I went over there everyday and spent the night with them countless times. I didn't live there, but I did.

I am also hoping to maybe breed from this dog one day so I can keep the family tree going. This dog has great emotional value to me. I'll stress that to him more and see his response, but I'm thinking it will be the same.

I'd say you are caught between a rock and a hard spot. If I were your H, I would say "no" too, not because I don't love you, and not because I'm just "Mr. Large and in charge", but out of respect for the home owners. Pets can and do damage homes.

But that's just my opinion.

Others will be along to weigh in, but it's late, and on a weekend, and there's less activity on the weekends. Keep checking back and checking for responses. If it gets too far down the list, just reply to the thread with the word "bump" in the reply box, and it will take your thread to the top.

You might want to go to the home page and read about Love Busters. These are "poisonous darts" couples can throw at each other, which can offend, hurt or belittle their spouses. Some of them include Angry Outbursts, Selfish Demands and Disrespectful Judgements. Perhaps this is more of a power issue between you and your husband, and it's deeper than the dog ownership. Reading some of Harley's principals may help you in this decision, and perhaps you'll learn some helpful things for your marriage in spite of the dog.

Best wishes,
SD

wit11, have you read about the policy of joint agreement? I would suggest that you read that and learn to negotiate with your husband. It is important to show respect for his feelings if you want the same in return. I would gain his enthusiastic agreement before you even think of getting that puppy. Or, get the puppy and keep it someone elses house.http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html

p.s. if the family's concern is having a dog peeing on the rugs, then that is a very valid concern. It can RUIN flooring, which costs lots of money to fix. But, you may be able to find a way to prevnt that from happening, such as crate training and keeping him on the tile floor in the kitchen. Try to think of creative ways to give meet your H's goal and negotiate with him.

I'm not so sure that his family would be upset in the first place. His mother might be, but that would be about it. My husband has a problem with swaying away from his mother's opinion. She told him that it would use the bathroom in the house and make it smell. Which to me. doesn't make sense, because if it did do that.. I would clean it, and dogs can be housebroken.

I will definitely run that idea by him- keep the puppy on the tile flooring until it is housebroken. The main concern with keeping the dog inside is it using the bathroom. Your idea sounds great to me, but my husband may (and probably will!) think otherwise.

Thank you for your help! (and that goes to everyone else who has given me input)

Could the puppy be bought and left with the owner until it is housebroken? I can see both sides here.

I echo what Mel said above - crate training is a good way to get a puppy housebroken. It's worked for the dogs we have had.

She needs to get her husbands enthusiastic agreement to buy the dog. I think if she reads up on POJA and negotiates with him, respecting his feelings, they may be able to come to an agreement they are both enthusiastic about.

My W and I have had dogs all of our M. They take time to house break but once they are trained they can be trusted not to Go in the house for the most part. You will need to be consistant in the training and then in making sure they are properly cared for later on like time to go outdoors to do their business. They need their own chew toys to occupy them so they don' start on the furniture etc. Training it to sleep in the carrier is a great way to start. It also becomes a place of security for them. They need their own place away from everyone.

Anyway everything the others have said about negotiating with H is first step.

I'm going to show my husband the joint agreement and work with him to make a compromise. If I let him see that the dog won't be able to ruin the carpet/rugs, then I don't see why there would be a problem. But.. you never know.

If he still doesn't want to work with me, I'll be back!!

now wit, the POJA does not mean he HAS to do anything. He still may not want to do it. The POJA is a two way street and you have to agree to NOT do anything of this magnitude without his enthusiastic agreement. You also have to respect him. He doesn't have to justify his choice.

So if he doesn't enthusiastically agree, then the idea is to completely forget about the dog?

That would only make me bitter, because this is more than likely the last chance I'll have to own one of the dogs from this bloodline. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

wit, if you get the dog when he is so adamantly against it, it will make HIM bitter and harm your marriage. That is a lovebuster called INDEPENDENT BEHAVIOR. His feelings also have to be taken into account. Have you read about lovebusters?

You are setting your husband up! You are setting your marriage in a precarious situation. You are going to present the good side of getting the dog YOU want, and enthusiastically believing he will agree, but are unwilling to take no for an answer?

Better rethink this. Policy of Joint Agreement. Joint means BOTH parties are in enthusiastic favor of a decision. If you back him in a corner, how do you expect him to react? What if he wanted a $20,000 boat, and you could just barely afford it, and he was dead set he was going to get it, and you said NO. What if he told you all the benefits of the boat and how it would be no trouble and add to your quality of life, but maybe it would be red beans and rice for dinner 4 nights a week, and you want chicken and spaghetti? What if he was to go ahead and buy the boat anyway??? See what I mean?

Be careful about imposing your will. His mother is probably a big player in all this, and you brushed her aside with ease in an earlier posting. She may have some very strong sentimental values in that house, and she may be horribly offended if you get that dog. Doesn't she count?

You better do some real hard thinking here, about the big picture, and not so much about how much you want this dog.

JMHO
SD

Amen, sd.... Great post.

He won't be bitter if I get the the dog because he wants the dog.. he was actually excited about getting it until I informed him that it shouldn't stay outside.

At the beginning, he thought the dog would stay inside, because that's where I wanted it to be. So, he himself didn't have much of a problem with it. It's when he e-mailed his mother that did a complete 360 about that issue. The fact that it might use the bathroom in the house completely changed his mind because the family might get upset.

and to shattered- I understand that this house might hold sentimental value to his mother, but I don't plan on letting this dog harm it in any way. This dog holds sentimental value to me as well. It's going to deeply upset me if I can't get it. I know a house is more important than a dog, but to be honest.. I'd rather move out of this house and avoid all the drama than to not have that dog. We are living in this house so that it won't collect dust. I didn't know when I agreed to, that I would have to obey the families' rules.

Am I being unreasonable here??? Maybe. *sigh*

You too, lady! Marriage Builders, tag team!

Melody, would you quit sending all this snow up from Texas? It's pretty, but it's a pain in the you know what! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />