I suggest moving into your own home, and then you can do what you like. Would your husband consider that?

How long have you been married? How is the rest of the marriage?

wit, you shouldn't do anything without his enthusiastic agreement. To get the dog when he says it can't be kept inside is thoughtless and inconsiderate. And threatening to be "bitter" because you don't get your way is emotional blackmail. Go NEGOTIATE with him using the POJA to see if this can be worked out.

SD, we are brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr cold down here, brother!! YIKES!

I suggested that as well, and it just made him mad. I could throw a rock and hit his mom's house from where we are living. He likes where we are, and he doesn't want to give that up for a dog. We've been married one year. We've only had one huge fight since we've been married.. and it was because of what I caught him doing on the computer. Other than that, it's been great.

witt... yes, unreasonable. There are rules in any house that you don't personally own. You are so caught up in wanting this dog, that you were ready to impose your will to get it.

Now, we are not saying that your husband won't come around. I have no doubt that you are a charming little gal, and with a bat of your eyelashes could probably get a lot of what you want. And he may very well come around and become enthusiatically in favor of this acquisition.

However, at this point I think you need to have his mother's approval as well, especially since she's weighed in on the matter. Now, if you do the proper research, and think this whole thing through, and look at it from every angle, and can convince both your husband and his mother the dog will do no irrepairable damage to the house, you need to be fully responsible for making sure no damage is done.

If damage is done on more than a couple of occasions, then YOU will have to take the really difficult action of parting with the dog.

Handle this fairly. Speak honestly and openly with your husband. See what the history of this breed will bring. Are they problematic, or fairly easy to domesticate.

Just don't impose your will to have the dog... and if fair agreement cannot be reached for you to get it, then be an adult about it. Don't throw a fit and pout because you didn't get your way. If all is done in a fair and equitible manner, be an adult in your reaction.

We don't want to see you or your hubby here for reasons far more serious than getting a beloved dog... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SD

I understand what you're saying.

I guess I came here for some back-up for what I was wanting. Frustration has taken over me. It seems there's no solution that will make everyone happy. Giving up the dog seems like the only thing left to do, and that's going to leave me unhappy. I just didn't know that when we moved into this house, we would have to abide by certain rules. The reason my husband emailed his mother in the first place is beyond me. I don't think anything would have been said if we would have just got the dog and put it in the house.

I know I've been sounding selfish. It's just that when I found out there were actually puppies from my papaw's dogs family.. it completely took over me and I was so excited to get one.

Okay, so he was looking at porn on the computer?

Are you working outside of the home?

Yeah he was...
He was actually doing it while I was at home, because I didn't suspect anything.. so I wasn't following him around or looking over his shoulder.

Are you working outside of the home?

Yes

This forum deals mostly with infidelity. Those of us who post here don't do it to tell people what they WANT to hear. We do our best to tell them what they NEED to hear. Some agree, some don't. But we don't pull any punches and enable people to have their way, at any price.

If you read my last post again, there are suggestions on how to convince your H and your MIL you should have the dog. But I added if they can't be convinced, don't be a big baby about it.

Believer asked about your H viewing porn on the computer...that, can be a problem for a marriage as well. Has he stopped? Are you sure?

Regardless of all this, you should purchase and read "his needs/her needs" by Dr. Willard Harley. This book will give you a tremendous map to follow in achieving a very good marriage. Marriage is like a garden. If it's not properly tended, weeds will grow and fruits will die. Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy.

Best wishes,
SD

Okay, this is how it is. When you live in someone else's home, you go by their rules. If I were you, I would start saving money to get my own place.

Right now, it is the dog. Later it will be other things. When I first got married, we lived with in my husband's mom's guest house. The rent was cheap, but there were a lot of requirements - mainly to do everything HER way.

As far as the porn, what did your hubby say when you caught him?

I don't like the concept of H already agreeing to go half way and then using POJA to dicker the other 50%. I love dogs. I will never have an indoor dog and I live in Saudi Arabia. There are other options. A few of them are:

1) Don't get dog
2) Get dog and leave outside
3) Get dog and move to my own place
4) Build climate controlled house for dog outside in the back yard
5) Get the dog and POJA with owner of house as to ground rules (e.g. can the dog remain in the kitchen only?)

I have a friend with two inside dogs. I won't go visit his house because every time I do it costs me a dry cleaning bill. Whether a dog poops in the house or not, it still changes the odor of the house. Dog hairs are everywhere regardless of amount of cleaning. Dog owners typically don't notice that. Some people have allergies to dogs. What happens when they come in the house? You are married one year and I am guessing no kids. What happens if you have kids and they have allergies?

If you rent a place and the landlord clearly states in the lease that no pets are allowed, what do you do? You live without a pet or you get a new place. You seem to think that since this isn't really a rental contract but rather a family arrangement that you have the right to infringe on their wishes. It doesn't matter if they are family. Who owns the property? In addition to poop, animals scratch floors, carpets, furniture. Dogs do damage to a minor or major extent. Could you offer your family a guarantee of sorts? Would they accept reparations for any damage caused by said animal when you leave the property? Will your H allow you to go to his family and plead your case? When you live in someone else's house, you need to respect their rules. You shouldn't feel you can take advantage of people because they are related to you.

The title of your post is correct. The content of your post is not. You were told what to do and that is POJA. Beyond that, anyone else's opinion (including mine) is moot and you should not be looking for reinforcement for your position here. The only opinions that count are yours and your husband's. Whether dogs can be house trained or not is not the issue.

Your husband likes where you are living. Do you? Maybe you should POJA that. Whether you get the dog or not is truly unimportant. What is important is how you deal with and resolve conflict in your M. If you had to make the ultimate choice between your H and the dog to lie in bed next to, which one would you pick? Start from there and go forward.

From Penalty Kill

You definitely need to read and understand the POJA as posters have mentioned. It also might be a good idea to hold off on getting a dog until you have your own place, so that it is only the wishes of you and your H that you have to account for. IMO, your reason for wanting the dog (as a remembrance of your grandfather) strike me as less than ideal. A dog is not a THING - it is a living, breathing creature that depends on you for its care.

Now I will talk about dogs, a subject near and dear to my heart. First, crate training, as Melody Lane mentioned. This is the ONLY way to go if you have a dog. It's not just for housetraining, but for living. A dog will come to regard his crate as his special cave, which is a good thing. My dog takes lots of naps in her crate while the door is open.

Second, if necessary, a dog can be confined to certain areas in the house, either by gates, or by electric indoor fencing, monitored by a collar. In that way, the dog's hair, etc. will not get in bedrooms, and it can be confined to those areas of the house that are not carpeted.

Dogs need rules and structure given to them by their owner. It makes them feel secure. If you are considering a dog, remember that it is a big responsibility. Don't expect your H to do any of the work with training, clean-up, etc. if you are the one who really wants the dog. Make sure that you are willing to do the work, which is considerable. Go into the situation with your eyes open.

My H was less than enthusiastic about getting a dog at first. His position was weakened considerably by the fact that he carries a picture of his childhood dog in his wallet <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> The children and I negotiated with him and the dog has been a joy and he loves her. But she is a very big dog and she is a lot of work and expense (vet bills). I also happen to believe that small children and dogs are not a good mix. The children should be older, grade school age, as mine were at the time.

Pio, my house does not smell! (My dog is a doberman who gets plenty of baths and I like a very clean house). But then I'm a little weird - I like the smell of a clean dog.

All dog owners say that. Just like the guy stubbing out his 40th cigarette of the day and saying "I'm not addicted!". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Whether your house smells like dirty dog or like clean dog, what is the least common denominator there?

I didn't comment on it earlier but I was less than enthusiastic about the reason for wanting the dog. The dog is a dog - it is not papaw and never will be.

From Penalty Kill

Heh. True dat.

Ok...how about...my house smells better than a smokers house? Lest anyone think I am prejudiced against smokers, my best friend smokes. But after I leave her house I have to come home, shower and throw all my clothes in the laundry.

Maybe people need to do the same after coming to my house? "Ugh, that PK and PB. I always leave their house smelling like a freshly washed doberman pinscher".

You have better decide if you want to be married or own a dog. Seems like you want to manipulate things your way.

If the dog is that important, ask your H about moving.

The house belongs to those who do NOT want a dog in it and regardless of your desires, you must respect the homeowner's rules.

We are renting and our son wants a dog. Right now he will settle for fish but I can't allow even an outside dog because the rules are NO PETS. We used to have fish, parakeets, 2 cats and a dog (not all at the same time but over the years). At this time, we have no pets but we are surviving. We enjoy visiting my aunt who has a cat and a dog.

There are ways of dealing with this. The breed will continue and maybe you need to readjust your thinking past your wants.

JMHO,
L.

How about taking him to meet the dog and see the way they are raised. He may decide that he would like you to get one after all. Just a thought.