Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36 |
Post deleted by LoveDecline
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
LD, I am confused. Did she have MULTIPLE affairs or ONE AFFAIR? How many affairs has she had?
Her feelings right now are pretty indicative of a person who is in an affair. She became detached from you in order to have the affair and those feelings won't come back until she a) gets through withdrawal and b) you do something to attract her back and fill the need that the OM filled.
Have you read Surviving an Affair? It would help tremendously if you understood the dynamics of an affair.
The reason she wants to stay with her parents is so she can carry on her affair unimpeded. She probably figures it will be easier to get away with it there. You are onto her tricks. It is silly to suppose that she needs to go stay somewhere else to "think." She can think just as well in your home.
Do her parents know about the affair? Has the affair been exposed? Is the OM married?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36 |
Post deleted by LoveDecline
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
How long have you been married? Any kids?
How often does your wife do "massive drinking"?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36 |
Post deleted by LoveDecline
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Go to Alanon. This seems to be more of a drinking problem than a marriage problem.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
LD, just so you know, Dr. Harley says that in 30 years of counseling clients, ONLY ONE, really did not move out to pursue an affair when he/she cited needing "space to think." I have been here for 6 years and have yet to see one. Surely you can see that one can think anywhere and doesn't have to MOVE OUT to think?
I am just suggesting that there is probably something more going on here that meets the eye and you should watch her closely.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36 |
Post deleted by LoveDecline
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Thanks for the reassurance, LD. That makes all the difference since it wasn't HER who asked for "space to think," but her father. It sounds like it will be a good environment for her. In the meantime, you might want to read up on withdrawal: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2686313
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36 |
Thanks, by the way I am glad to see you are recovered. That gives me hope when I have very little at the moment.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
I don't want to keep harping on the drinking, but I don't think that MB is going to do much good for the marriage while your wife keeps drinking. Apparently part of her drinking behavior includes ONS's at 3:00AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36 |
Post deleted by LoveDecline
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
So it is okay with you if she has drinking binges, and only has PAs once in awhile?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 36 |
Post deleted by LoveDecline
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Your main problem is the drinking. Alcoholism is a progressive disease - people do things they would never consider as they get more and more pickled.
I suggest you go to Alanon.
You could do the MB program perfectly, and if your wife continues drinking, it will be to no avail.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
499
guests, and
36
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,626
Posts2,323,508
Members71,988
| |
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
