Really,

I was a seroius train wreck back than, much better now thank god!

I must also say I have concluded being single is highly over rated (basically it Sucks!). Better then the roller coaster crazies yes, but then anything is better then that!

I long for the days when I didn't wonder if I had a date (mostly I don't) and only wondered where to take her...

Where Does a nice guy meet a nice late 30's, early 40's gal, I sure don't know!

Jim, don't you think you ought to fully grieve your loss before you date? I think you are still too tender & raw right now.

No dates yet..... unless it is a fruit. LOL!!!

Your mind is racing too hard and fast. Slow down a bit. Emotionally you are not ready for another R.

If you need more to do, come over and help us pull weeds from my yard. Got a 1/2 hill more to go. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Jim,

I was wondering if that was a question in preparation for dating or do you really feel that you are ready?

I ask because I think about it from time to time myself...wondering where you are in relation to me in that line of thinking...

Don't want to TJ either but prehaps this would be something of interest for us Killer Plan B/Ders...

Orchid, Pepper, Strivin...

This is not something I am doing on a lark, or without considerable thought. I have had more then a few discussions concerning this with my IC. The facts that drive this decision are pretty simple.

1 The life I had is gone, and it simply isn't comming back. That may not have been my choice, but that dosn't change the facts. That life is is gone and I need to face it, I can choose to face it now or I will end up facing it later, but sooner or later I will have to face and accept it.

I choose to face it now.

2 I could sit back, morn, moap, have a pitty party, and cry in my beer basially (being pittyful) and generally feeling sorry for myself and the current state of affairs.

However what does that gain me? Does it chane things? No. Does it bring my old life back? No.
Does it move me past it, no. I am just sitting in the funk feeling sorry for myself.

Like the IC said there is never a "Good time" to get back on a horse when you have been tossed off. But Get back on it you must. Or you always live in fear.

So basically in the current situation, I chose to CowBoy up...I willpick myself up, dust myself off and climb back into the saddle. Easy or Hard, joy or pain it is something I have to do. I can do it sooner or do it later but it must get done.

In my opinion the sooner I decide to reclaim my life, and to make a life on my terms the sooner I will be where I want to be, and the sooner I am happy and the sooner I am over the carp the WW delt.

It is a journy I can start now or later but I will have to start sometime... So I chose to start it now.

Ok, being alone sucks, I don't like it, I don't like it one bit, I never have liked it and I never will like it. I accept that. The sooner I start looking the sooner I will find. Life isn't going to kick down my door, and give me 3 wishes...

I have to make my life. I have to be open and available to meet someone. Sure there is risk and sure I could get hurt again. But that is always the case now or later. You can't gain love without risking getting hurt. That is just the way life is.

So basically I choose to live life and to live it on my terms.

I hope you all understand.

Jim

I will pull those weeds providing you have a little hottie in a grass skirt with an orchis on the "available" side of her hair present... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jim

Thank you for sharing that...I was really wondering when was it "an appropriate time"...I mean I'm not ready to hit the bar scene...I don't think that personally I can do that...

That's JUST me...but I have to be "available" to the opportunity in case it presence itself...I've been dealing with WH/STXB's [email]cr@pballs[/email] fro almost two years now...

I mean I know I still have somethings that I would like to work out and I'll work on them, but like you said being alone suck$...

I miss sharing things...talking things out...I'm sure that you understand...live IS SOOO different now and I like it...

SO, sounds like you have some pretty high standards with that grass shirt? LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


I completely understand...you just want to let everyone know you are on the marlket?...no 2X4's here...I just ask that you be careful...BC's on the loose too! We're going to have to put out a warning for all women in LA to be careful...I've already warned my Sistas here! LMAO

Do I have to warn them about you too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> LMAO

Yes I have High standards, very high standards, and I am worth every bit of it!

I am a very good man, I am not a cheat and know how to keep the fly zipped. I am honest and loyal, I am a hard worker. I am not a quiter and I know how to forgive, even when betrayed.

Yes warn your sisters... I am on the market and activly looking. I am a keeper, I know it and a gal could do a He11 of a lot worse.

Jim

Good for you!

*Warning: To all od my Killer Bee Sistas! Jim's on the loose! Watch out Good Hearted man!*

LMAO... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Aonther day in plan B, WW MO has changed some, she opened her Myspace that had been locked down since she moved out...
Why who knows... It is intresting but it is impossable to understand the Logic of a WS...

I think I have found a roommate, the prospective roommate is a good friend who happens to be female, her lease is up in end of July, (my D is in early July)...

I do need a roommate, finanaces are running way to close to the line and any little thing pushes me over... Well you know... A roommate would be a several hundren dollar swing and give me needed manuvering room.

The concen is with the WW, however as My sponcers (believer, Dog, Orchid) tell me, I have to do what is in Jims best intrest. WW has voiced nor shown any intent or action toward recon. I can't wait nor act on maybes, would ofs, could ofs, I have to act on what is. Like cards you play the hand that is delt. I also need to be driving my bus, not the WS. Besides I am adamit if the D goes happens she has crossed the point of no return.

That is pretty much the news of the day...

TGIF
Jim

P.S Dog thanks for the 2x4 tween the eyes... I needed that... You have became a trusted advisor and a true friend! It is appricated...

That's gonna leave a mark!

You're doin good Jim. Go find that episode of friends when Joey's lookin for a roomate. There's some good info you need.

Just tryin to help

Ok, a friend and I are considering being roommates as in seperate rooms, beds, bathrooms etc... . Friend is female, we are both on the dating market (and looking to date other people). Says she would like to pursue roommate deal it if it won't mess up Recon possibilities.

I think recon very unlikly at this point.maybe 5%.
She dosn't want to move in to have WW come home and have to move out... That makes sense from her perspective...

Facts:
I need to make decision on roommate thing by 15-June, Friend has an appt approval pending and needs sigh lease or not by then... Friend must move from current appt by July 15.

If I proceed, this would commit me to that course of action. As appts hunting takes time... also back to back moves would bite...

Divorce is scheduled to begin July 9th, My intention is to proceed with the D without a drastic course change from WW (becomes a FWW with major behaivor modifications). Don't want the current version... WW has made no effort to recon so far.

Questions to consider:
1. Does WW know window is still open / but about to close? should I care?
2. If a FWW wanted to recon, would it matter if they knew if the question would be entertained or not by the BS, would they try?
3 Should I have Dog tell WW Last call, speak now or forever hold you peice?
4. Should I just proceed as if WW didn't exist

I am at a fork in the road... I don't want to blow it.Major Life decision.

I need the added income (roommate or W) as the currnet postion is untenable and cannot be maintained much longer....

Currently my head and logic says I should proceed with the roommate deal, the heart still has a sliver of doubt.

I guess i am asking for support and if there is a risk I missed considering or am not seeing?

Jim

Received word from my atty he is retiring by the end of the month. He indicated he plans to wrap up the property sttlement if i can be done without going to court prior to his retirment.

Well it looks like it is show / crunch time, this should prove intresting... Talked to paraleagle and Atty is starting to negeoate with the WW... I am fairly certain the WW/STBX will not be enjoying this all that much...

time will tell, 5 weeks to go to D day
Jim

Jim - I would get the roommate. If your wife changes back to the real wife TODAY, she would still need to prove the change is real over a period of time.

Getting roommates (and they are male) was the best thing I ever did. We do some things together, and it is so nice to have someone around. They spent the weekend remodeling my bathroom, and it is SO NICE!!!!! In turn, I do most of the grocery shopping/cooking. It works out very well.

My ex was not happy when he found out. I told him that I did what I needed to do to get by, since his finances were devoted to the OW.

believer, you crack me up!

i need to get me some male room mates! i need a roof, my house painted, some plumming work done.....

lol

too cool

mlhb

I am really beginning to think it maybe time to scrap plan B.

Let be realistic, WW isn't comming back, if she is, she is doing an oscar winning performance of gone for good.

Maybe I am wrong and Dog your being an extreamly effective filter or she simply isn't attempting to contact me in any way shape or form. If I am wrong, Dog let me know, not content but that In need to stay in plan B.

Otherwise she dosn't appear to have any intrest on a recon, doesn't appear to be cake-walking, fence sitting or anything along those lines either. From all indications she is gone, wants to be gone and never intends to coming back. If there is something else going on I sure don't see it. Honestly I doubt aside from wrapping up the divorce, I will likly never see nor talk to her again, unless it is a chance meeting in Walmart.

So what does being in plan B at this point get me? It is to prtotect me but since she isn't trying to contact or hurt me it seems a mute point at this stage.

Just my thougts on the matter Is it time...

Jim

When is your D gonn be final. In July? Is that right?

Look, I may get slapped silly for saying it, but if mentally Plan B is holding you back then I say move on to Plan FU if it gives you the mentality you need to heal.

What changes if you drop Plan B at this point. She doesn't contact you for any reason. Are you going to start contacted her if you drop Plan B? I'm sure you won't, so what changes. I don't think anything changes other than dropping an imaginary label.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't see her running back to you at the last second which is now. Soooo, F her. Do what Jim needs to do to heal and move on. Use MB principals in your next R, but sooner or later you're gonna have to let this one go.

Food for thought

or I'm just really pi$$ed at MY STBX and Plan FU just seems the way to go right now.

I could be wrong.

F it!

July

Would contact maybe twice more that i can think of... or maybe she see the shift and changes or maybe dog knows something I don't... just seems a farce at this point...

Jim

well dog says she is writing him and pitching a fit... he is filtering... so I stay in plan B... appearently she isn't happpy with my atty. I am sure it will get even better...

well, my heart pumps purple peanut butter for her...

I warned her when we got engaged many years ago when I assisted her getting the girls back that if her former H didn't like her 2nd atty, (who my atty referd her too btw) she would really dislike my atty.

Oh for the record, I was NOT an OM. WW was about a year into her divorce from H#1 when we met, that is why she needed a 2nd atty the 1st was a smuck and she had lost temp custody... I recall her syaing I never want to have to divoce you... you play very rough.... Pitty she forget...

and Yes I play to win.

Jim

I am sure dog can give more detail as I am dark and in the dark as well...

Good update. For now, stay in plan B. It is for your protection. The WS THINKS she is hurting you. What she doesn't realize is that your support has you protected.

You have one great supporter via Dog..... He is very good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.