(copied from a previous post of mine)

like the harley's, i strongly believe that most affairs are an addiction

i think the "high" is the same as the "fog"

so....i imagine that my H is like a person addicted to cocain

the OW is the drug that gives him his "high" and she makes him feel so good about himself....she thinks he can do no wrong, she thinks he is is strong and handsome, she thinks he is the most wonderful person she has ever met, she understands why he is unhappy and reassures him that none of it is his fault, she adores him, together they talk about how it should be, how it could be...anything is possible

when he is with her he feels so "alive" so "excited about the possibilities that the future holds" all of his troubles and responsibilities seem to fade away......

just like drugs make the addict feel

then he "crashes from the high" when he has to face the real world....responsibilities, problems, the daily routine....and all of that is tied to his wife.....

SHE can't make him feel as good as he does with the OW...she can't give him his "fix"

and yet she expects him to be happy with her..."in love".....what the heck is wrong with her??? can't she see that with her he is miserable?? it CAN'T be the daily routines and responsibilities....because he knows that the OW makes him feel so good that even those things would be better with her.

but he knows it's wrong to be with her...he should do what's right....he will end things with the OW...he will work on his marraige....

but like the drug addict...every second she's on his mind....he's craving that good feeling that he gets when he's with her....he becomes angry because he can't have his fix...and YOU'RE the reason why he can't...
(craving!)

so he decides...just one hit....one phone call or e-mail...just enough to make him feel better and then he'll stop for good

and then...just one small amount and that feeling starts...and he wants more! he needs it! heck, he deserves to feel good! Who do YOU think you are to try to keep him from being happy?

and the cycle continues...the resentment grows towards anyone who keeps him from his high (his wife), he becomes angry because he's so miserable, he realizes that he's GOT to get that feeling...whatever it takes....lying, sneaking to a quiet place where no one can see or hear what he is doing, stealing time from his family and his job so he can spend more and more time feeling good, spending money like crazy, enjoying every minute of his high to the fullest without thinking about the damage or the pain he's causing

and so what if people know and they think he's making a mistake...screwing up his life...they don't understand that he needs it...they can't imagine how bad his life was before and how good it is every minute that he's feeling high

and anyway, it's HIS life and what he chooses to do shouldn't matter to anyone else....so everyone should just mind thier own business and leave him alone...he's not hurting anyone

he doesn't need anyone else anyway...they are all just downers....and his WIFE? she's the worst! she makes him feel so bad about what he needs to feel good....

in fact, ALL he needs is this feeling ALL of the time and then everything in his life will be so wonderful

in fact....he's going to move in with the one person who does understand him...the person who gives him a free supply...he will be happy forever

he doesn't care if he loses everything he has....nothing is more important than being "happy"

.............
the A is a fantasy...so it is like a wonder drug

i'm hoping and praying that my H will soon reach rock bottom as his affair has to face reality and he will realize that addiction has destroyed his life....he's lost everything to get it

only then is there a chance that he will be ready for recovery