Post deleted by CBC

Hello CBC!

Sorry you are here.

You need to protect yourself.
How did you find out?
Dont you have enough proof already?.

How long are you married? Kids? Your H is also putting your children at risk.


If it's true, and something tells me you are most sure about it. what do you want to do?

Quote:
"He is not sexually attracted to me at all" How so?
And still he's out with prostitutes and comes home to SF with you?

How was your marriage prior these events?

Please hang in there.

Post deleted by CBC

Most men who frequent prostitutes have an addiction problem - has he been involved in porn and other addiction-behaviors?

I think he has been seeing a prostitute for about a year. I had a lot of suspicions, but I found actual evidence just before Christmas. He is not into porn at all. But he does have addicted behaviors - work acoholic, is obsessed with sports. About 10 years ago he confessed that he had slept w/ a prostitute on a weekend guys' golf trip 10 years previous to that.

how old is he?
could it be MLC related?

it seems like all men are into porn..atleas that's what a lot of men will tell you but i have spoken to a handful who really never were..it just doesn't really do a whole lot for them...they prefer REAL interaction.
porn/masturbation does little to meet that need...so, if a person like that feels they are missing out on SF or admiration they are likely go out and find another person.

CBC - Welcome to MB. Hopefully we can be of some help to you as you face this enormous betrayal and possible end of your marriage. If you intend to attempt to save your marriage, I just want to forewarn you that, as unfair as it is, YOU will have to endure a lot and will have to "carry the load" alone for some time.

It would be helpful to me if you would let us know if faith in Christ is a part of your lives or not so I will know what sort of help and advice you may be seeking and may need.

In the meantime, let me ask some additional questions and make a few general comments to help you get started.



For how long and why do you think you don't "attract" him sexually?




Have you documented all of this?

Have you confronted him (in love) with the evidence?


You seem to have a limited knowledge about affairs, adultery, etc. I would strongly suggest you read everything on this site about affairs, all the articles, etc. BEFORE plunging too heavily into the discussion forums.
In addition, I would recommend your get two books that will help you immensely. The first is called Torn Asunder by Dave Carder and the second is called Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley(the founder of Marriage Builders).

On a purely practical standpoint, you need to refrain from any sex with your husband no matter how much you might want to or think that sex will help "bring him back." The risk is TOO high due to his choice of sex partners for you. He could end up giving you a FATAL disease and thereby also remove you from you children's lives.

It is quite likely that your children WILL learn about the adultery, especially if you do contract a fatal STD, so you need to prepare yourself for their eventually learning about their father's very poor choice to commit adultery.

IF you choose to attempt to recover your marriage you will have to face another issue that may seem difficult for you right now. That issue is EXPOSURE of the adultery. A KEY point in ending an affair is to remove the "cover of darkness, silence, and secrecy" from your husband, and that requires exposure of his activities.

I know that may be hard, but remember, he has already chosen to end your marriage and to commit adultery as if it "didn't matter" and had "no consequences." That's a common feeling amoung Wayward Spouses and it is often described as the "Fog" of infidelity. Exposure "burns off" the cocoon of fantasy and secrecy and, in effect, forces the WS to begin to have to face reality, the reality of the far-reaching consequences of their choices.

It's a long hard road for the Betrayed Spouse(BS), so put on your emotional seat belt and buckle up for a very bumpy road for a while. Prepare yourself, as best you can, to hear some extremely hurtful, even ugly, things come out of your husband's mouth. The "list" of those sorts of things is extensive and you can see them on many threads on the forums here.

God bless.

nia, I disagree. Men are NOT "born into porn." But men are created with "desire" for the female and are attracted to the female. Marriage was created by God for "Man's need." Woman was created to satisfy Man's need for a helpmeet. It is MAN who corrupts the intended relationship between men and women. Men are also born with a desire to be the "provider" for the family, but that does not mean that they are "born into thievery."




This certainly happens, but it is "less likely" to happen if the husband is walking closely in obedience to God. It is a "function" of who is "lord" and "sovereign" in their life. If the individual(man or woman) thinks that they are the "top of the chain" and can "do whatever they feel like doing," the risk is much higher that marriage vows will be discarded in favor of "what makes me FEEL good."

Like many things, illicit sex can feel "exciting" and can "feel good," as in providing a "rush" of emotional reaction. Also like many things that seemingly start out "small," they can develop into an addiction that is harder and harder to get out of until one "hits bottom." Unfortunately, by the time they reach "bottom," they have usually left a wake of destruction behind them.

male or female prostitute?

I have a girlfriend whose husband stopped being attrected to her, blamed her for this (insults both obvious and subtle) ... turns out he's homosexual....

just wondering.....

Pep

So I had a dealing with a prostitute years ago, which partially lead to my current situation. I own that and realize it... back then it was easy to justify, like all affairs.

It is an addiction and he could be framing it like I did, well i am paying for it so its not emotional. There is emotional baggage that comes from seeing a prostitute while married. I can honestly say I was covering something up that was missing emotionally in my marriage, men are strange that way we have emotional problems but we take it out by doing physicall things, sex or beating something up.

Once my wife confronted me I told her the whole story all the details and immediately begged forgiveness, your used may not do that.

I think you have enough evidence to expose, you may be in a good position with the prostitute as you can contact her and tell her you will go to the police AND the tax collector. Most prostitutes are more scared of tax collectors than police.

That will break off this episode but unlike romantic affairs where their is only 1 soulmate, your husband could just find another madam to see so you need to have a plan to stop and then defend

Good luck

Foreveryours,

you misunderstood me...i also agree that men are not born into porn.what i meant was that many guys (and even women) say that...."all guys do it.....just accept it."
I don't buy it either.