About 10 days ago, my H told me that he was in love with his best friend, a woman who conveniently left her husband mere months after we moved to her city (we've known her for years--went to college together), who moved in to an apt less than a mile from us, who insists that my H is her "BFF." She's been crying on his shoulder and he's refused to set any boundaries with her.

I've seen this coming for ages and repeatedly begged him to curtail things with her. He always insisted they were "just friends." Now they know they have feelings for each other. When he told me, he was sobbing, saying "You're amazing...you're the perfect wife...I'm so sorry." But he also said he didn't know what to DO about these feelings--ie, he did not indicate that he wants to try to work on our marriage. He says nothing physical has yet happened between them; I don't think I believe that (it seems possible yet unlikely).

I left as soon as he told me to stay with my parents for a while (about 2 hours away). Since then, we've talked and he says that his feelings for her are so strong that he's no longer in love with me, and that he needs a few months to sort out what he's feeling.

I don't really know what to do at this point. Obviously he has ENs that weren't being met by me, but he doesn't seem to realize that (since he thinks I'm "perfect" and didn't do anything wrong). I guess I went right to Plan B, since there didn't seem to be much point to Plan A (I have tried for ages to be warm and loving and understanding, and it has been for naught since he's been focusing only on her).

Any thoughts/suggestions would be welcome. Thanks.

Fist of all you'll get more feedback in the GQII forum.

You need to get strong and on the attack for the A. You need to call OWH (or OWX) and let him know. Expose to your WH's parents, family, and friends. Expose to OW's family. You need to make it as uncomfortable as possible for these two. Once people know about their A, it will take the fantasy away, and everyone will know about it. That way she may never be welcome in his family's house and vice versa. They will come to the realization that it will never work.

You need to insist on NC with the OW. You need to snoop to ensure that doesn't happen. Monitor his phone, email, etc. Block all access to the OW. It is likely a PA already. And even if they haven't had sex, kissing/fondling qualifies as a PA. Do you go to church. Expose to your pastor as well. Your WH has an addiction that he needs help getting out of. Be strong and confront this thing head on.

So he wants you to be set aside while he sorts out his feelings(carries out a full-blown physical affair) which will end probably when the lust phase dies down.
If you can't keep the passion going in any relationship, you'll likely be tempted by lust outside the marriage but it becomes cyclical and kind of futile.
But this might be a different situation since they've known eachother for so long and possibly had feelngs there all along.

Please email me! i am in the same boat! well im not all the way there. i just need to know that the way i feel now is normal and that im not over reacting....

sorayamakai@yahoo.com