And I do realize what being in this A is doing to my marriage, but honestly, my marriage wasn't the best before the A.
I don't think you do! I say this from experiance.
Tell me, what do you think are your H's dreams?
How do you think your H wants YOU to act? (other than being a faithfull W)
Have you studied how to EFFECTIVELY communicate to your H other than sounding disrepectfull? (if you H was that bad, you would have left).
Do you know how to engage in RESPECTFULL conflict?
My Dear, I have a gut feel is that you were sourly lacking in M skills. Being deperate, you latched on to his brother just because he was there. It could have been anyone else.
YOU did not PROTECT your M by allowing this OTHER MAN (I don't care if he is your BIL) to fill needs that were your H's EXCLUSIVE RIGHT AND OBLIGATION to fill.
I'm pretty sure at this point your H is pretty deflated JUST LIKE MY W WAS WHEN I WAS IN An AFFAIR!
YOU have been the one MISSING in action. NOT HIM! That is going to take a while for you to accecpt. But I promiss, in time YOU WILL SEE THAT WAY! I finally did.
Have you botherd to read His/Her Needs yet????????
I hope it will open your eyes like it did mine.
I guess there are a few reasons. One, we enjoy being together. We do enjoy the sex, but it's not just about that. We enjoy talking and sharing and just love being around each other in general. Neither of us are ready to give this up, and part of us wishes we could be together.
Oh this sound SO familair!!!!!!!! (thinking of what I used to say) and I am not saying that to be crass. You have allowed this OTHER MAN to fill your needs. You have EXCLUDED your H. I know you may say that you gave him all the OPPORTUNITY in the WORLD, but I am not going to buy it. I spewed all the same dribble on this same board. Just ask any one, they will tell you.
You are currently in a protected bubble. It's seceret, it hidden, it's fun!!!!!!!!!!!
All that will change once the ugly truth comes out.
Your playing your H for some needs, and your playing this OTHER MAN for some of your other needs. When either one gets "out of line", it shakes your world. I know, I have been there.
And while your thinking "when is the right time to spill the beans". It might as well be today as any other day. You don't get extra points for picking "the right day or time".
The sooner you fess up, the sooner you can heal your life and get some self respect back. It will hurt to tell the truth, it will hurt even more when you reliaze the depth that you have hurt your H. You will feel lower than you ever have. You may even need AD's to get thur it.
If you are VERY LUCKY, you may even end up with the Love, Affection and Conversation that you have always wanted from your H.
My W and I have so far survived MY stupid mistakes. If you treat your H with RESPECT from this day forward, you just might be able to pull this out!
TH