Post deleted by conflictedone

Is the A over?

Do your H a favor and divorce him. Tell him the truth too. He needs to know what kind of "brother" he has.

I would let your husband know everything and decide if he wants to stay or go.

And he definitely needs to know EVERYTHING! And if both of you decide to work on the marriage, you both will have to get away from his brother forever.

Unfortunately...that relationship is now destroyed forever. And believe me...your husband "knows" even if he doesnt know yet.

Tell him.

Post deleted by conflictedone

Yes. In his gut, he "knows" something is going on. He may not quite understand it all yet...and thus may just pull back and be quiet. But the evidence will continue to mount for him (it ALWAYS does!). He will eventaully put 2 and 2 together. BSs always do!

You say that the two of you are continuing the adulterous relationship. Why?

co, Mortarman is right, that first thing that needs to happen is your husband needs to be informed. This is information about his life that is being wrongfully withheld from him. HE must know so he can protect himself from you and his brother.

Secondly, your H has a right to choose FOR HIMSELF if he wants to stay married to you and raise your child. You cannot make that decision for him. To deny him that right is cruel, manipulative and DANGEROUS. You have no right to keep him in a marriage on a LIE as if he is your PET. He is a MAN, not your puppy.

So, the first step is to tell him the truth. I would suggest printing out your post and sitting down and showing it to him.

Post deleted by conflictedone

If you aren't happy in your M then you need to be honest and let your H go. But, be prepared, there are so many potential outcomes in this. Your H and BIL's family will probably be not so happy with you and your BIL. Also, your BIL could decide blood is thicker and end up tossing you under the bus once this all comes out.

I honestly can't believe his "favorite" brother is doing this to him... I just find it hard to fathom.

Post deleted by conflictedone

What does this have to do with you continuing in adultery with this man? Your relationship with your husband had nothing to do with you choosing to have sex with a man who is not your husband.

So, my question still stands. Why are the two of you continuing this adulterous relationship (remember...again...it has NOTHING to do with your husband)?

I ask these questions for a reason. I am not one to just weild a 2x4 on here. If that is all I wanted to do, I wouldnt waste my time here. I have a reason for asking these questions.

And you need to heed your own words here. As has been said on here before..."if he will do it with you, he will do it to you."

Okay. Thank you for posting this. Now let me ask you another question. Are you a Christian? I ask this to just understand the lay of the land here. No matter your response, I will respond once you answer this.

Post deleted by conflictedone

Okay. First off let me say that I am going to be a little tough with you on here. So, please expect it. I do not do so because I want to beat up on you. Okay?

Next...if you have been saved by Jesus and asked Him into your life, then you are a Christian. If you have, then there is no such thing as taking a break from God. It doesnt work that way.

So, let me refine my question...are you saved? Did you ask Jesus into your life as your Lord and Savior?

Again, I ask this in order to get the lay of the land.

Post deleted by conflictedone

Okay. Thank you!

Now, what do you believe is the result of a relationship with the OM? If you divorced your husband tomorrow, married the OM...where do you think this would go?

Post deleted by conflictedone

I don't think you do! I say this from experiance.

Tell me, what do you think are your H's dreams?
How do you think your H wants YOU to act? (other than being a faithfull W)

Have you studied how to EFFECTIVELY communicate to your H other than sounding disrepectfull? (if you H was that bad, you would have left).

Do you know how to engage in RESPECTFULL conflict?

My Dear, I have a gut feel is that you were sourly lacking in M skills. Being deperate, you latched on to his brother just because he was there. It could have been anyone else.

YOU did not PROTECT your M by allowing this OTHER MAN (I don't care if he is your BIL) to fill needs that were your H's EXCLUSIVE RIGHT AND OBLIGATION to fill.

I'm pretty sure at this point your H is pretty deflated JUST LIKE MY W WAS WHEN I WAS IN An AFFAIR!

YOU have been the one MISSING in action. NOT HIM! That is going to take a while for you to accecpt. But I promiss, in time YOU WILL SEE THAT WAY! I finally did.

Have you botherd to read His/Her Needs yet????????
I hope it will open your eyes like it did mine.


Oh this sound SO familair!!!!!!!! (thinking of what I used to say) and I am not saying that to be crass. You have allowed this OTHER MAN to fill your needs. You have EXCLUDED your H. I know you may say that you gave him all the OPPORTUNITY in the WORLD, but I am not going to buy it. I spewed all the same dribble on this same board. Just ask any one, they will tell you.

You are currently in a protected bubble. It's seceret, it hidden, it's fun!!!!!!!!!!!

All that will change once the ugly truth comes out.

Your playing your H for some needs, and your playing this OTHER MAN for some of your other needs. When either one gets "out of line", it shakes your world. I know, I have been there.

And while your thinking "when is the right time to spill the beans". It might as well be today as any other day. You don't get extra points for picking "the right day or time".

The sooner you fess up, the sooner you can heal your life and get some self respect back. It will hurt to tell the truth, it will hurt even more when you reliaze the depth that you have hurt your H. You will feel lower than you ever have. You may even need AD's to get thur it.

If you are VERY LUCKY, you may even end up with the Love, Affection and Conversation that you have always wanted from your H.

My W and I have so far survived MY stupid mistakes. If you treat your H with RESPECT from this day forward, you just might be able to pull this out!

TH

The reality is....your husband's brother has to actually hate his brother to do this to him. It must be a big ego boost to him to know that this child and probably future children will be his and his brother will never know and he doesn't have to pay for it. Then again you must have #$@!(edited for TH) for your husband as well to do this to him and continue to do so.