I have some additional questions...but first wanted to address a few things you said...
Honestly, I don't know. If you were to tell me 4 years ago, even 1 year ago, that I would be in this situation I am in now, I would have said you were crazy. Life takes some pretty odd turns. So to say that I know we'd be safe from this ever happening again, I would be dillusional.
Yes you would.
But I would hope that we would be happy together. Not perfect, of course. But happy. I know that the family relationship would be damaged, possibly even severed. We would be alone in many ways. But we would be together, with our child. I just keep thinking about the baby, and that he/she deserves to know who their real father is, and deserves to have two parents that are in a loving relationship with each other.
What will that child think once he/she knows how they were created? How many lives hurt while he was being created?
But then again, my mind goes back to that thought, what if he cheats on me? What would I do then?
Aaahhh...now you are getting just a glimpse of a future with this guy!! You will ALWAYS worry whether or not he is cheating. So will he! As I said before...if they will do it with you, they will do it to you. Do you know how many relationships that start as yours has, result in long term marriages? Do you know the percentage? Less than 3% make it! Now, everyone in the middle of the mess would say "oh well, we will be different." But 97% of them werent! You have better odds of things working out with your husband than with this guy.
Do you know why? Do you understand why your relationship to your BIL is doomed?
Hindsight, yes...I look back and think how stupid I was, what irrational decisions I made. But I can't go back and change them. What's done is done. I just need to be able to go forward and do the best for my child.
Of course. But that does not necessarily mean to be with this guy. My oldest son is not mine biologically. I met my wife when he was an infant. He has never met his bio dad. And he has a traditional family and grows up with only knowing me as dad. That being said, the odds are your son or daughter will grow up with a mother that divorced her first husband, married the BIL that she cheated with and ended up being divorced from that same guy.
These are the facts. You have better odds of winning the lotto today than you do of this relationship working out.
But there is a relationship that you have great odds at working out...and that is with your husband. Or atleast, giving him a chance to decide what he wants to do about this.
Unfortunately, many in your shoes do not heed the facts. They think their
once-in-a-lifetime" relationship is different...unique. They believe this is the one God intended for them (which they NEVER are).
And then they wake up one day...alone...and wondering what happened. I am willing to bet that will be you, unless you turn away very quickly from this relationship with your BIL.
You have a responsibility to a small child now to set the example. To make amends. To do right. In no way, shape or form will divorcing your husband and marrying the BIL ever be right. Not in the eyes of God. Not in any moral or ethical sense in society.
I want you to hear me because you will either heed these warnings...or you will remember them when the disaster comes later.
Anyway, I will post again shortly with some additional questions. This is hard...and you have made a huge mess! But there is a RIGHT way of dealing with this. I pray that you choose to do right.
