Post deleted by NJHope

Have you contacted OM's family? You need to expose to them. Make it uncomfortable for him to continue to pursure your WW. Cut your WW off financially as well. Stop enabling her.

Post deleted by NJHope

Well find his family! Do you want to save your M? Then do some digging. He currently has no incentive to stop contacting your WW. He can continue to try and get some with no commitment on his part. It is time to hurt him back. Sick his parents on him. I know my parents would kill me if I ever did anything like that. Contacting the OM's parents in my situation was a big key in getting him to back off.

Your wife is a serial cheater....and you're enabling her. Establish your boundaries and stick to them. She is a classic "cake eater" who wants to be "friends" with you AND OM?? Friends don't screw....do they? "Just friends" rings alarm bells so loud that I would be able to hear nothing else....

So....you decide what you want...and move from there. I for one would seek a divorce....

Send me, I note you are recovered, can you advise why you think my situation requires divorce vs attempting to work on things?

Jim, how did the OM family take it? Was he living at home at the time?

They were appalled. I had to send them proof to get them to believe that their son was capable of such a thing. I know it caused turmoil in the relationship between my WW and OM. He wasn't living at home at the time, but he wasn't out on his own that long (26) and they still helped him out somewhat (like student loans).

Post deleted by NJHope

sendme

My advice is you YOU do plan A...

inspite of the psychological babble...(I need to go away and find myself )
and inspite of her lies......

YOU stand up and clearly state what you believe in
and
what you desire.....

If I were you...this is what I would tell my wife...

WIFE...

I am a MAN...a MAN who stood before friends, family and GOD himself and VOWED to love honor and cherish you..

I spoke my intentions clearly and I meant them...

Having said that you should know that there is NO room in my marriage for third party friends....that undermine my promise to GOD and to you and that is not and will not ever be something that I condone...

period...

I want this marriage badly
I want you in this marriage badly..
and there for I am willing to fight and work for it....

I do not agree with or believe for one second that you running off to your parents will do our marriage one ounce of good..

but I can not and will not for a second waste a moment of time trying to control you...

you need to know wife...(look her dead in the eye) and tell her calmly and lovingly that each and every contact with this man...each email voice mail text message...each second of energy spent on him is like a dagger piercing in to your heart and cuts and hurts you to the core...and that she should know clearly in her head that those are the direct consequences of HER actions...

she hold the knife that cuts you to bleed..

tell her softly and with love...

TAKE BACK all the promises of an out for her..

if she does this then you seperate
if she does that then you seperate..

tell her you are staying put with great hope and love that this marriage will come through this stronger...

then you read up on plan A....
and you enact plan A..

you charm her
you woo her
you amaze her because you are and can be an amazing husband....

and then you pick a day for plan B...
and you cut her from your life...only after a good plan A...

YOU tell her every time about the pain of her contact without emotional baggage but from the heart with calm serenity....

ARK^^

Things are mediocre. I think she is completing withdrawal from the OM, but there were some issues before the A that still need resolving. She hates men (she blames her dad for her parent's divorce and he didn't make things any better by getting back at her mom by refusing to pay child support), has an extreme feminist viewpoint (all the spying I have done is an extreme invasion of privacy and she should be able to do whatever she wants minus have an affair), and she refuses to commit to the M (stating she needs to figure out what is best for her). She is extremely entitled, selfish, and hates men (but obviously can't live without them), so we will have to work through that. Things are more pleasant around the house, but she refuses to commit to the M or show affection towards me (including SF). We have improved from roommates back to friends, however, but that is a hurdle we've been stuck at for the past month.