I'm new here, so I hope I'm posting this in the right place. I have been married for 5 1/2yrs. I'm not in love with my husband anymore but I do Love him. We have two young kids together.I'm 32, he's 30.

We have had our share of problems. I would say for the past year I've been thinking about divorce and he knows this. We have talked about it. Everytime I let him know how I feel he acts sweeter, nicer, etc. Things always seem to get a little better after we talk.

I honestly have no "close friends" to talk to, which is why I'm here. I need advice, I need someone else to talk to besides my husband. I have spoken with a friend at work and she tells me "I don't know how you stay with him and deal with him."

We have alot of money issues, I don't feel sexually attracted to him anymore, I have sex with him just to do it. I think he knows that. He questions me about things I buy, or things I want to do. I guess he's controlling when it comes to money.

I'm sorry this is long, but there is alot to say.
I could really use some advice. Thanks

This is an iteresting post. I am a BS with a wife who has told be similar things to what you are posting, although she claims it started 6 months ago. She however had a couple one night stands and is in an EA at the moment so those are big factors too.

Do you have a PA or EA going on currently, or perhaps a male friend that you have told a lot to who has become your emotional outlet? Is there anything your husband could do to win you back? Remember, you fell for him orginally so it is possible you can get those feelings back.

Who ARE you in love with?

He keeps asking me that same question-what can he do. I honeslty don't know. I think that whatever I had is lost and I don't know how to find my way back. I'm trying and have been trying and I'm committed to trying. It's hard. He can't keep a job. So, we go through money issues every year. I just feel that there is stability 'cause he can't keep a job.

I'm not sure I know what PA or EA means. NO, there is no one else and I have never cheated, even through the really rough times.

You need to look at the Emotional Needs concepts and Questionnaire, but I have a question.

Why did you post on the Infidelity Site?

Don't take this wrong, but in your relatively short post you have made several comments that are frequently associated with a WS (wayward spouse)or one considering becoming a WS.

Just curious.

I'm sorry I posted this in the wrong place, I will post it else where. Sorry. What is WS how can I find out these abbreviations everyone uses.

WS - wayward spouse
PA - physical affair
EA - emotional affair
BS - betrayed spouse

I had the same questions as others have asked you.

im-confused,

Please don't go anywhere yet. I have been reading on these forums for the last few months and would LOVE to see you stay here for awhile and talk to us.

A LOT of us have been in your shoes and unfortunately, we're here because those feelings led to affairs. If you, or your husband, hasn't had an affair yet, you may be a big candidate for one.

Please stay here and answer some of these questions. By us helping you, you could be helping us.

Thanks in advance if you decide to stick around.

Ok, well I posted my question under the emotional needs. Neither of us has had an affair.

If true this is great news, just understand that to many of us the environment of your marriage as described in your first post sent of a lot of red flags.

This site has some great articles on infidelity and how affairs start. You should read that one. The parallels to your situation may scare you.

Thanks, I guess I need help with the site. I will post no more until I know more about the site. Sorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My suggestion to you is to find a pro-M MC who uses MB principles. Call up counselors and start asking them if they use Dr. Harley's books. Once you find one that you like, ask your H to join you at MC. If he refuses, tell him how unhappy you are, and that you want a D if he refuses to work on the M. Usually this will wake him up. If you and your H really work on and follow the MB program I promise you that you and your H can fall in love again. It would be the best possible outcome for you and your children. Let your husband know the depths of your unhappiness and that you expect him to work with you to improve things. It is likely that he isn't that unhappy with the current situation, but if he feels he will lose you, he will make the necessary changes to make you want to stay, and these will lasting changes.

She came here for advice and now you guys have ran her off just because she posted in the wrong area. I thought this was a help site.

pugsooie - Hopefully she will post on the EN board, or come here and check again. But I know exactly what you mean. I've seen people (on there 1st post) told that this is the wrong forum, or "put paragraphs in your post!", or "don't use all caps!".

I think sometimes we forget how hard it is to post the first time.

I think when people say I'm not in love with them anymore, but I still love them what they are really saying is I want to love them but my emotional needs are not being met. When you say he can't keep a job that means you feel a lack of security and provision. And I am sure if there is a problem with him keeping a job there are other issues as well.

Dear I'm Confused,

(I posted this same response in the "Emotional Needs" forum)

Welcome to Marriage Builders. Let there be no doubt, you are in the RIGHT place. You are asking the RIGHT questions. You are going to give your family the BEST chance.

Through your discussions on this forum you will soon begin to gather how the best relationships function. You can use that information to make decisions that will give your life, your marriage and your family purpose and direction. But most of all you will find that most of the methods employed here will utilize “common sense” and what could be better then that?

There are hundreds of posters who participate on these boards on a daily basis. They all have their own problems that they are coping with; some who respond to you may not hit on the best advice for you. You will need to sort out who may be on the mark and who may not. What you can expect is that there will be a great many who will offer their views based on their experience. There will be no shortage of opinions and advice.

I see you have also posted in the “infidelity” section (“General Questions II”) of these forums. That is the highest traffic area and some really great minds reside there. Most all of them have been touched by infidelity in their marriages and there are a lot of very “raw” emotions so be prepared for responses from folks who are in the midst of living out the horror of finding out that their spouse committed adultery. You might be very surprised to learn that most of those folks not only save their marriages but also actually build something that is stronger then ever was previous. What that means to you is that pieces of advice coming from that forum will be very valuable in helping you to find out what is best for you.

I will comment on some of what you have posted so far in my next response. In the meantime feel free to provide as much information about the particulars of your relationship including any information that you think might be helpful for us to know.

Once again, welcome,

Mr. G