To make a long story short, I have posted in the Emotional Forum with a thread called "Affection" and "Affection (PART 2)
I recently found out that my H and I will be going thru a divorce.

What rights do I have? It will be ONE YEAR in a couple of weeks. My H told me that the marriage was over with a long time ago (I'm assuming the marriage was over 6 months after we got married)

He is finding a place today as I have told him sleeping in the same bed is uncomfortable. I am still on his medical plan because the company that I work for their open enrollment closed and therefore, I can sign up until December. He said he has no problem keeping me on his medical plan until then. He said we just have to be "legally" married for me to still be on his medical plan.

Ok, so what should I do? Do I change the locks? Get a lawyer? Because we are a few weeks before our FIRST year anniversary is this considered an "annulment" or "divorce". I'm really confused.

Any suggestions/advice.

Hoping,

So sorry you are here. My D was emotionally the worst time of my life.

Real quick bullet points for you:

1) Do you and your STBX know what you want out of the D (financially)? Make a list and account for the assets you'll split. Hopefully you can amically agree on the division of assets.
2) I'm guessing you don't have kids? That will make this easier (believe it or not).
3) I would suggest consulting an attorney so you can determine your rights.
4) Talk to your HR department. Even though Open Enrollment is in Q4, if there is a life changing event (i.e. Divorce) most companies will allow you to enroll in their health plan during the rest of the year.

Me too.


I don't know what to split. We didn't own a house and he has nothing. And we haven't even been married for a year

No, we don't have kids.


What if I can't afford an attorney. What are other options?


I talked with my HR and they told me that my H just can't call up and take me off his enrollment. They told me in order for him to do that, he needs a court document to do this.

Since we lived in my house, would it be a good idea to change my locks?

Can someone help with my questions, such as, what if I can't afford an attorney. Also, what it be a good idea to change locks? Since we are STILL living under the same roof, what should I say/shouldn't say.

Thanks

I’ll try to answer your questions. First get a lawyer. If you cannot afford a lawyer go to your Health and Human Services or Family Services department. They have attorneys who do pro bono (charity) work. Your state may also have attorneys who act for the family these cases. My sister-in-law is now a prosecutor in family court. She works for men and women who can’t afford an attorney to fight custody and other battles.

Laws regarding divorce and marriage vary greatly from state to state. Any information you get here could be completely wrong in your state. This is where a lawyer can help. In my state, changing the locks on the door was an important step although my H could have taken me to court to get access.

One law applies in all states. Your H cannot drop you from his health insurance without your permission until the divorce degree is final. He cannot touch his retirement or his life insurance policy if it’s through work until then. Neither can you.

If you have any joint bank accounts, close them now. You can give him his share. This is so that he can’t empty the account and leave you with nothing.

Good luck

Thank you for your suggestions/advice.

Sure could use some support. I posted this last night:

Here I sit while my soon-to-be ex H helps his brother. My feelings are confused. The hurt. Pain. No closure. I cannot even say to myself "I did the best I could". Even if my H and I went to counseling and if it didn't work out, at least, I could say I tried. But that's not the case. I don't even know how to deal with the this. How do you deal with something when there is no closure?

My H will be moving out this weekend, however, he has yet to tell me. I found out last night. I saw some papers in his car and noticed he signed papers for an apartment. He will be on a 6-month lease and he can move this weekend. What I would like to know is why hasn't he brought it up to me. We spoke very little last night, but we did speak. He could have mentioned to me that he found a place, however, he kept silent.

Its very hard to sleep in the same bed. I've lost 5 lbs in the last week and a half. Just haven't been eating.

I don't even want to talk to my H. I have a lonely empty feeling. I feel cheated, angry, and hurt. I'm going to feel embarassed to tell my family that our marriage is coming to an end -- so close to our ONE year anniversary.

Today is just a real bad day and I just wanted to come on here and write down my thoughts. Hopefully, it will be a better day tomorrow.

Any suggestions/advice would be appreciated.

So, it doesn't sound like you are newly divorced, and not even separated yet. For your own sanity, remember that you are still married, and act like it.

Find a counselor for yourself, to get you through this emotional period. The counselor can help you determine if there is anything you can do to save the marriage, and/or help you heal.
I miss the divorce diet, although I certainly didn't appreciate the weight loss then.
Find a local separated/divorced support group. Local, live people can really help you deal, and they know the local laws and courts.
Good luck.

Hoping01,

It is very important at this point in your life to spend time with your friends and family because you're in a vulnerable emotional and physical state. I was embarassed to have to share my story with them because I wasn't sure what they'd think. I made it clear that the D was what my WH wanted, not what I wanted. My friends and family are my biggest suppport system. I also became very active with my church.

My WH did the same thing your H did. He found an apartment to live, signed the lease and paid the deposit without even telling me. I found the lease agreement in his car. He told me just 2 days before moving out. I realized that there was nothing I could do to stop him. I felt powerless and insignificant. However, I knew that I had to take care of myself- for my own sake.

Although we tried marriage counseling, I still haven't found much closure. Perhaps I will find closure when the D is finalized.

Through this experience, I have learned that I have to be responsible for myself. I don't have control over my WH, no matter what I say or do. It was too much of a burden living with him when he wanted the marriage to be over.

Surround yourself with good people. Serve others. Find a new hobby. Keep yourself busy. Journal your thoughts. Find a good therapist. Take care of yourself. It's easy to get sick when you're so consumed with this stress in your life.

Take care.

Sorry. Maybe I should have titled my thread better like In the Process of getting a divorce.

When my H stated this marriage was over a long time ago and stated very adamantly that he did NOT want to go to counseling, there was no hope for this marriage to be saved.

I spoke with my H just a little while ago and he told me he is STILL waiting for approval, however, he signed the papers that stated he would be able to move in this weekend. Therefore, if he signed the papers that said he can move in this weekend, why would he still wait for an approval? I don't understand.

I'm hoping that once he moves out, I will be able to start bringing some closure -- maybe.

Unfortunately, I'm not close to my family and don't have many friends to reach out to.

I am in the process of getting a lawyer on what my legal options are

Right now the tunnel is dark for me. I see no light at the end because its still very fresh in my mind. I do appreciate the support and advice.