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Joined: Jan 2007
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I believe there are things my husband is not telling me, but I cannot prove anything. I am at a point where I really don't care anymore. I have had this feeling before and as the saying goes time will tell...it did and he was. Now I feel like it would be a good time to get out while we are both young and we do not have kids before the lies get bigger and he gets better at hiding them.

I am reading all these posts and what my husband has done is not near what some have done with affairs, but he is admitting to a porn and masterbation addiction and that he lies becuase he is scared to tell the truth. I don't want to wait for time to tell again and have babies involved next time and I don't want sit around waiting to know what is really going on when I could be moving on.


Timeline and some of my story http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3177198 Schoolbus explains better than I can here... http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3182348
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what defines a porn addiction and masterbation addiction...

what does it mean to him
what does it mean to you
what is the effect on your intimate relationship

ark

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The addiction part to me is based on his actions to hide it, the frequency, and the desire to continue it over receiving healthy affection and intimacy.

I can't tell you what it means to him because he is unable to communicate his feelings to me and when he does frankly I do not believe a word of it, although lately I have stopped saying that because I can see it does either of us any good.

What it does to me...porn and masterbation by themselves nothing really...the hiding and lies that have come along with it....everything to destroy the trust I wanted to build for him. He told me recently when confronted that he would NEVER go to a strip club. That is really wrong he said. Oh but you will watch much worse on the computer. That tells me how distorted it is for him in his mind. The facade he must put on to look like a "good guy" all the while he is wasting the years of our youth for a great handjob and woman he does nothing but ruin his view of me and he has no chance of having for himself.

What intimacy?? There is none. That is where he runs to hide from having to work on creating it...no exagerations..no bitterness in that statement...just factual truth.


Timeline and some of my story http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3177198 Schoolbus explains better than I can here... http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3182348
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Has your H made appointments (and kept them) for his problems?

YES: read Harley books ~with~ your husband (look in the bookstore & pick one out together)

NO: call an attorney and file

howz dat?

Pep

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Quote
Has your H made appointments (and kept them) for his problems?

YES: read Harley books ~with~ your husband (look in the bookstore & pick one out together)

NO: call an attorney and file

howz dat?

Yes he has made some appointments and kept them. There are some other things I think he could be doing, but I cannot say that he is not trying. I don't think he gets the depth of the reality of the situation, but that is between he and God, although I try to get in the middle when I shouldn't.

I am living somewhere else. We are reading books at the same time, but not together.

Are you saying no to the attorney and filing? Not sure with the format of your answer. We have already seperated everything financially, but I have not actually filed yet. We are doing a do it yourselfer. No attorney.




Pep


Timeline and some of my story http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3177198 Schoolbus explains better than I can here... http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3182348
Joined: Dec 2005
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what would it take for you to feel comfortable w/ him and his efforts?

i can't tell how you truly feel about your H...do you still ove him at all? Are you not attracted to him becuse of his 'habit" or is there another reason?
sounds to me that you are bothered by the fact that he won't open up to you... instead he runs and finds comfort in masturbation.
Have you considered marriage counseling?

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I don't know that I could feel comfortable with him again.

I don't think I love him anymore..I am exploring the attraction problems on a post under emotional needs.
We have major problems there. I believe we could have grown past all of it if he had been able to open up to me, but he cannot for whatever reason. Now it is like I am just done. It has gone to far to be able to go back. Too many lies and he is too good at covering them up.

We have had marriage counseling in the past and are in counseling now. I feel like we are both growing, but I don't feel like I can stay.


Timeline and some of my story http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3177198 Schoolbus explains better than I can here... http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3182348

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