My girlfriend called today. Normally a nice thing, chatting about the kids' school & stuff..... Except she eventually got around to telling me the "REAL" reason (in my opinion) she called. Apparently she told my om about my being pregnant. Granted I have NOT been with him since my husband came home or definately not since my birth control was reversed.....Is his "bad reaction" (her words) just typical of a man who has slept with a woman or should I be expecting some fall out soon. The only answer I can think of so far is he wasn't around to do anything he shouldn't worry but are there better ways?

BTW my birth control was reversed AFTER my husband came home, at his suggestion because "OM is firmly against having children which you & I want" amongst other things..... this also includes a neg. test for pregnancy after the birth control was removed so definately NOT his.

SO should I be expecting anything & if so is there anything better to say then what I have? I already told my girlfriend she was "naughty" for telling him but her opinion was that if it wasn't his then why worry? Also should I worry if she told him about our wishing to move after this (military renting couple, not a big issue for us)? I've finally gotten my husband to calm down after everything that's happened, I just know he doesn't need this! thanks! -ar

ana,

My personal opinion is you need to tell your friend that you do NOT wish to hear any more about/from xom. As you said, the reversal was done AFTER your H came home, and you are positive it couldn't be the xom's child, right? SO, who gives a rat's @$$ what the xom thinks. If he starts to try to contact you, keep records. Send another(if a first one has been sent) NC letter, specifying that if he does NOT stop, you will have the authorities involved. Your life is none of his business, and I wouldn't worry one little bit, unless this guy has a history of being violent.

I would also tell this friend that it is no business of xom to know what's going on in your life, and if she continues to be the "go between" for xom to "keep tabs" on you that your friendship will have to end as well. Depending on how your xom is, things like this from your friend is just keeping the A alive for HIM. Was her only comment on his reaction, "bad reaction"? It would help to have a little more info on that for me to advise any further. In our case, right after D-day, xom stalked me and my family! It was scary! But, if the xom in your sitch is just upset, well, too bad, so sad for him. You are moving on past your mistake and repairing your M with your H.

I'd say that a move would definitely be in order. And, I would take a good look at that friendship, if she doesn't think there is a problem with keeping xom up to date on your life, she doesn't know what true friendship is about. Don't go into full panic mode, but also be on your guard. Talk to your H about possibly working up a NC letter, and find out what YOUR legal rights are in possibly obtaining an RO.

Keep us updated!

I don't think it's that. They live next to each other, guess how we met? She seems more guilty conscience to me then manipulative & we've lived in the same village together for 1 1/2 years so she's only met my husband ONCE (last week) in all that time because he was gone, most people here treated me like I was single, since no one was here. Her family is also moving (different house same village) but for different reasons. We live (currently) in a foreign country so that plays into things. People's thoughts & involvements in each others' lives are different too. We've said nothing about staying away, his family does that well enough (by keeping him busy) but his parents live down the street (It's a hill so it really is down, lol) so I have to walk past their house if I want to do anything. Kinda small place, did I mention it's a village? I had no intention of seeing him or telling him & I still don't. I just want to move as soon as possible to get away from the drama & be at peace. I DO tell my husband things (like their cat went to the vet on friday) to expedite the process. (hey I have to walk by the house, kinda hard not to hear it howling) HIS PARENTS have been more involved at least in the beginning when my husband came back. They were worried but since nothing has happened they've backed off mainly for the children's sake.

I don't know what she told him or how, I never got around to telling him myself (as I said his parents were keeping him busy) that the birth control was reversed, so it's a bit of a shock to him I guess. She said it was a bad reaction, that he didn't look well. That's all she said. She realized I hadn't told him anything at that point so I think perhaps she was warning me..... I dunno, I just don't happen to be a man Tig, so I don't really know they think. -ar