Okay,
In short, I had an affair concieved a child, and told my wife. I have apologized, made myself transparent, indured being verbally, physically, mentally, and emotionally abused, indured her aborting a pregnancy of her own that I am not sure was mine now, accepted responsibility for things I really didn't feel at fault about prior to the afair. I have indured her having at least an emotional affair that stopped for 2 months and found a new call recently.

My question is how do I get over my fear of losing my family, and how long am I to allow myself to endure the abuse of my past actions. It has been a year and a half since everything came out. What to do about fear and how much time is enough to decide if she wants the marriage or not?

with this many problems, I am certain you are aware that your family needs much more than any discussion forum of amatures can offer

I am certain you understand your family needs counseling

are you getting counseling?

Pep

JR3...please stick to one thread...it makes it easier for us to give advice based on your story.

sorry just searching and lost

JR3,

Welcome to MB ans sorry to see you here. Can you post more details of your sitch? It will help us to support you better.

How long have you been married, when and how long was your A, how old is the OC, what is the arrangements, such as do you have visitation? Do you have kids together? I can't imagine aborting a child while M, did you agree with this decision?

Also, about your WW's EA(S), how long were/are they, is the OP married, did you expose to others?

The question to you is more do you want the M or not?

''scroll up to the top of the page where it says BASIC CONCEPTS

read there

you need professional help
get professional help

Pep

She gave up on counseling because she felt that everyone was telling her she would go to ****** if she divorced me. Everyone saw that I was reemorseful but her. I can't force her any more. So, now I don't know how to keep life going. So what's next?

Married 9yrs. one 3year old together plus other child that is now a year and a half. My affair lasted six months, and has been over going on 3 years. I only pay child support because my wife doesn't want me to have any contact that may rehash memories for her. I didn't agree to the abortion and that was the cause of a beat down I took for the sake of saving the Marriage. I don't still don't know who went with her to have the abortion. Honestly, i believe the OP took her.

The OP is single. She new this person from high school. He didn't pay her any attention then, but now is so called crazy about her. The EA has been going on for a year and a half now with only a two month stop in contact. It's been exposed, but she is so volatile that know one really wants to address it with her for fear she will take my son out of their lives.

And yes, I want my Marriage, wife, and Family PERIOD!!!!!!!

YOU go to counseling

call Dr Harley

JR,

I can only say that it seems like there needs to be a plan. I am not suggesting PlanA/PlanB as it seems like you have been giving quite a bit and are at the end of your rope.

Can you sit down with her and say we need to discuss whether or not we both want to stay M. If the answer is yes, then try to develope next steps, counseling, both personal and M as well as spending time together, doing the questionaires, reading the books. If the answer to this is you-yes, her-I don't know, set a time limit that you need an answer by (which is more likely do to the details you have provided). Personally, I would want to know fairly soon but you seem more than patient, so perhaps a longer 1-3mo. time period.

Then set other personal boundaries during this time, no speaking to the OP, no discussion on your A, put it on hold more or less. I am sure that this situation cannot be good for your child. If she won't agree to this, perhaps you should discuss separating. No one should be in an abusive situation, it cannot be healthy for you or your child.

I can't tell you what to do, but the fact that your wife had an abortiontion, and most likely the OP took her, is beyond my capacity to understand really. It goes beyond the MB forum and certainly you need professional help and support to deal with this in a healthy way for you.

You will be ok, believe that and make it happen.

Question? for anyone

When you think of a healthy marriage, list 5 important things.

I wanted make sure I am on the right page because I didn't grow up in one.