Thought this would be an interesting topic for some of us. When I first came, 3 and a half years ago, I thought the folks here were feather-plucking insane.

I had done a search about marriage, and found this site and another one - Survive Infidelity. I mostly posted on SI, and was a lurker here. The stuff here was so counter intuitive, that it was scary.

However, as I read over the months, marriages were being saved, people were healing.

Lets just say I thought that doing anything proactive like this was way better than the nothing I did way back then. What I did was just reaffirmed when I read Pittman's book back when it was first published. Good information but not proactive.

Good question B. I'd read HNHN, I'd read and printed all the articles from the main site then I had a look at the forum.

I'd never been anywhere near a forum before and I didn't really get how it worked or what you did. I read posts and wasn't sure what it was all about but the people seemed so sincere and so supportive that I plucked up the courage to post in Feb 04 even though I'd lurked from Dec 03. The "funny" threads were a complete mystery to me. I didn't know how these people knew each other and I didn't get ANY of the private jokes.

Ignorance was bliss. I had NO idea that posting as an FWW was a bit of a minefield but I've NEVER regretted posting here. MB (and JL) saved my marriage.

I was also TERRIFIED of Pep and Mel and WAT. I would never have DREAMED of joining one of their threads. They all seemed to know each other so well and were so darned smart (as in clever). One day WAT posted on one of my threads and then the next day Mel did.

I nearly fainted away from terror. Turns out they were all very good people and I learned how to mock big hair with the best of them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

"I am not the only one, I am not crazy, and now it all makes sense!"

Justkeepgoing - Yep, proactive would be the word. The other site I was on had a lot of posts, but not too much about what you needed to do.

Jen- A WW posting here is STILL kind of an open season. (As in hunting - when it is OKAY to shoot bambi, for you out of country folks). But I think everyone here appreciates the input of the FWW.

Neak - Me too - I was no longer alone, but on the other hand, did I want to throw my lot in with these crazy people?

I thought you were all a bunch of wacko's and I was even more wacko for coming here and asking for help.

of course as time went on it became apparent we were all indeed wacko <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I dread to think where I would be without MB though.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I was also completely overwhelmed by the care and concern and the TIME people took to think about, mull over and come back with thoughtful and wonderful replies.

I'll NEVER forget the respect and support I was given.

LOL AW. Well, that is quite a testimony. We'll probably have lots more newbies posting after that one.

The first websight I found was Womens Affairs. What I read there on discussion forum made me run away fast and keep looking.

That place is Scary!!!!!!!

I also thought that the people here were nuts! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I was at the lowest point of my life when I first came here - I had been posting on another site which advocated pulling away from the marriage and WS, but which suggested nothing else proactive to try to save the marriage.

The proactive measures suggested here, however, terrified me! It was so counterintuitive!

I'll never forget the first 'swarm' of help I received when I really needed it - when the BS first starts posting and so many people are there to help, so freely giving their time and and knowledge. Pep, MelodyLane, Aphelion, WAT and b0b pure to name but a few.

I didn't save my marriage, but I regained my self-respect, and that was in no small way due to the people here.

Thanks!

Alph.

I don't want to sound like I am sucking up, but this all made perfect sense to me right from the begining. I really felt in tune to the concepts and the "nuts" screaming EXPOSE...EXPOSE...EXPOSE.

But there are great people here.

silly foreigners! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Here is what I thought when I first got here: THIS PLACE IS CRAWLING WITH SILLY FOREIGNERS AND YANKEES! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I didn't know what to think when I first came on Jan. 9th of 2007. My mind was a wreck as D-day was just the day before.
I thought it was all over and I didn't know what to do. I had given up.
But, within minutes of posting my story, so many people came to help me and point me in the right direction to try to save my marriage.
They have given me encouragement and the confidence in my decisions. Sometimes, they even pull me aside and say "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING!!!! YOU IDIOT!!!". And that is good too. It puts me back on track.

I am keeping to what amounts as an online journal of this whole thing. I put the info on there so people can see what I have done and maybe learn something from it. They offer their perspective on things. It makes me think of issues in a whole new light. I remember one morning I woke up and checked my thread after something significant happened, and saw a few "Way to go, DF!!"'s and I broke down and cried.

My story is still ongoing, and I don't know how it will turn out. But, without MB, I know I would not have made it this far. Thank you, everyone.

Mel how could you???

you forgot to add ... "And they haven't got long hair" lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I found MB way before I even had a clue my H was capable of having an A...came across it in a seach one day when I was bored and surfing the web, we hadn't been having any major problems in our M (so I thought), but we'd been together so long and things felt a little stale to me...he had started a new job that kept him away from home during most of the week and I mostly just wanted to get some ideas on how to keep things 'in the good'...I read in the emotional needs forums mostly, but would occassionally read in the infidelity forum...I remember feeling soooo sorry for the people there and being so grateful my H would 'never' cheat on me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

When I found out about his A I was totally and completely blindsided, he had to leave to work within 1/2 hour of me confronting him, had no one to talk to and made a beeline for this forum...best decision I ever made. I had also read enough here to 'kinda' know, even in my shock, how to handle the confrontation...in hindsight, it's probably good that he had to leave so soon, because I came here, got some great advice, grounded myself 'a little' and kept my head somewhat on straight. By the time he came back about 2 days later, I had a lot more hope of recovery and put plan A into motion. I wasn't perfect at it by any means, but I do remember he was a little thrown that I handled the news the way I did. He of course didn't admit to a PA at the time, but I knew and handled it as such. He thought I would be a screaming maniac, and he came home to a somewhat calm BS who knew she wanted to save the marriage and told him so. Introduced him to the tools of His Needs, Her Needs and Surviving and Affair...and although the first couple of months were rocky, we pulled through and are doing GREAT now...

My first thought was (and continued for quite some time..) 'what is wrong with me, that despite how devastated and still in love with my husband I am, I cannot find any desire to save my marriage the way everyone else on this forum can. How can these people be wonderful and loving to their wayward spouses when all I want to do is spit in mine's face and cut off his balls'.

The other was 'damn it Alphin! Noddy & Omlette - I wish I'd thought of those names first...'.

I hadn't read alot on this board before I started posting to it. I had no idea what plan A or B were and why I was told to read up on them. I was a mess at that point and was gobbling up everything I was told, even if I didn't quite understand it all.

After posting the first time, I got some responses. I don't remember who it was (I should look it up) but they asked me how I was doing and that I needed to take care of myself. WOW... take care of myself? Someone cared? Yeah someone who was a perfect stranger cared about my welfare!...very touching.

I got some sleep that night, better than recent nights.

It didn't take me long to see that I needed to stay for awhile.

B:

My wife calls me, I'm sleeping on the floor of my office, she's so angry with me (And she didn't even know about the A yet!)

She said that she has looked at over 20 sites on the internet regarding MC and that this seems to be the best, "Could LG at least look at it?"

I open it up and spend 5 hours finding out how really special I am as a WS. NOT! And I didn't spend a minute on the discussion boards, just the articles and information listed on the website. And this is a truly amazing website.

Called the OW the next morning to end it and the rest is history and herstory......

So, before coming to the discussion boards, I read HNHN, spent a weekend with the Harley's and really worked on recovery with the BS.

I was 90% a lurker for the longest time ... because the old oldtimers were really really good ... I followed one poster like a puppy

gonna spell her name wrong

motherbard <~~~ not quite right spelling, maybe it will come to me later

I thought she was so wize and could just float above the rest on wings of her special angel

the old oldtimes had something I lacked ... and I wanted it very much

so I read a lot & kept my mouth shut (mostly)

I was already in recovery when I joined, so I had no pressing need anyway

Pep