Ok, here we go.

My W told me about six weeks ago(early dec.) that she was done. She was not happy any more,and did not want to discuss it. Her decision was final. I convinced her to at least get through the holidays for the sake of the kids (son 14 d 11). We went to a friends wedding the next week, I thought maybe that would bring her around, but she was cold and distant, at the end of the night she again said she was done. During this time I did what I now know to be the wrong thing - promissing change, pleading etc..
By some twist of fate, I had left work early to see a friend who i had confided in, driving on a road that I rarely use, I found her with the OM in a parking lot. They denied that anything was going on between them but admitted that he had taken her to see a lawyer about a divorce. She admitted the next day to the affair. The other man was also married and also divorcing his wife at same time. He is the father of on of my daughters friends. Two weeks later and she is more distant than ever, wont talk wont let me try to meet her EN. She has been very obvious about her affair since it was revealed, even trying to take the kids along for diner. She does not want to leave the home, but insists that I do. I don't think we are making any progress now, every day see asks me when I am going to leave, She has scheduled an overseas trip with the OM next week. I feel like we're at a dead end.

You have come to a good place to get help, but I'm sorry you need to be here.

You should not leave the home under any circumstances. Who have you exposed the affair to? Her parents, family friends, work/boss, your parents?

Have you spoken with the other man's wife? She may still have time to save her marriage as well. Make sure she does in fact, know about the affair now! Infidels are notorious liars. Clear?

Do not allow the children to visit with other man and your wife.

Learn all you can about Plan A. Do not engage in arguments. Protect your finances right now.

Others will arrive shortly and have more help for you.

Yes I have tried to speak with the other mans wife, she is emotionally wreaked as you can imagine and did not want to talk, after all she assosiates me with the women who is destroying her marriage. Family members know whats going on and a few select friends, but she is not trying to hide it anymore, she took him to a party with some of our friends last weekend. And yes I know the lying continues.

1. Seek legal counsel today and make it clear to your wife that you will and ARE seeking primary custody as you will NOT have your children dragged threw this crap.....with two adults playing mom and daddy are replacable and allll you kids are now going to get along to all in the name of mommy and new daddy being happy...


do this
seek primary custody
and do it TODAY

DO not leave the home if any one leaves it is wife WITHOUT the children

what has SHE told the children....

make sure you spending gobs and gobs of time with them...

please tell me she is NOT taking the kids with her...

does her family know of her actions...

expose to those that will speak reality...

what do you believe are the reasons for the affair...(meaning her fog filled rationale for her actions....)

how does she know OM.....

ARK

She told the children that mommy and daddy just grew apart and dont love each other any more. I did explain to the children that I was happy with our marriage and still loved her. They Know now what is going on as I said she is not hiding it anymore, I have discussed what is going on so they did not have to guess and be lied to.
Yes! she wants to take the kids. I will fight for them.

Her family knows but she will not listen to anyone, The story she tells is that she was unhappy and has been thinking about this for a long time -- It would have happened even without the other man in the picture.
Every one can see that she is so involved with him that she is blind to all the consequences.

Get with a lawyer. She cannot take the children overseas. Separate your finances and protect yourself from her blowing your money. Cut off all access to anything that enables her A. If the cell phone is in your name, cut it off. If she communicates with him via email, cut it off or password protect your computer. Expose to everyone that would put pressure on the A. Make it hard for her to continue her double life. If she refuses, I would ask her to move out. What state do you live in? There are some legal recourses in some states if infidelity is involved.

time to MANUP reachingup
and ROAR>....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nothing more attractive to a women then MANNING UP for the truth and good

what is her reality a OM willing to bring destruction and pain...

willing to dangle sweet treats and feel good empty times...f

forcing children to choose a vacation with mommy and her new man....

your children are being taught when adults displease us we replace them...

their fears will become that if THEY displease their mommy she will and can replace them...

heck if they can replace the grownups...who have the power and control...then crap they can replace the children even easier.....

seek a lawyer TODAY
tell your wife there is NO way in HE(( your children are going to play instant new family vacation.....

prepare to go to war...

all in the name of love and truth...

read BOBPURES story...

his journey was of yours..
a wife dead set out to bring chaos to her family...

all in the name of self rightous love.....

his battle was hard..
fought with strength love and humility....

but they are recovered....

NO MATTER where this ends up..
this chaos..

MAN UP for your children..
and all will be well for you and them in the end...

no rolling over and going belly up...

ARK

Jim, the state is PA

Thanks to all for the support, This is just what i need to bolster what I already know I must do. I'm I nuts to think that there is anyway to forgive something like this??

reachingout,

The only way to stop this train wreck is to get behind her and push her even faster. If she says she wants to go to OM, offer to give her a ride. She says she wants a divorce...let's go to the lawyer NOW.

She says that she never loved you.....look her in the eye and tell her she is probably correct.

She wants to end the family...offer to have her things moved to her OM's place ASAP.

Get to your bank and close your old accounts and open new ones in your name only. Rip up ALL joint credit cards.Tell her you want to set up her child support payments to start IMMEDIATELY.Of all the steps that you can take the financial one is the most critical.

Then disappear.

No talk, no chit chat. Only absolutely essential communication.

And smile,smile,smile.

How can i get to BOBPUREs story?

I've been to the lawyer says not to do anything for now stay in the house dont close accounts -- if she takes the cash theres enough equity in the house to cover. But that does not help the emotional situation at the house, at this point I am looking for another place to live, pick up the kids and go... Is that unfair to the kids? But on the other hand I believe thats just what she would like to have happen so that she can have the OM move in, and the kids will still want to come back to visit their "home". I look like the bad guy for moving out .. No divorce papers yet although she has admitted to seeing a lawyer about it. The OM is still in his house with his STBX and kids.
Should have played the powerball -- $254,000,000

YOU and CHILDREN stay
SHE G0ES...

You don't go anywhere...

what she thinks she wants and what she is even engaging in are so far from reality...

bobpures story has been bumped...

tons and tons and tons of good stuff....

ARK

I would move most of the money out of her hands. If it is the two of you and two kids, move 3/4 of the money to an account that only you have access to. That was she has access to her "share" but you protect against her spending too much.

Listen to the great advice you have been given.

Get legal advice and make it clear to her that you are willing to work on building a new, better M but not with three people involved. You need to help the OMW understand that the two of you are in this whether you want to be or not and enlist her help. Show her to this site.

Tell WW that she can leave but not with the children and that you have no intention of going anywhere. She is the one that is wrong, not you and she can leave and play fantasy island but don't involve your children.

Document everything....especially this overseas trip with OM. This is huge. She is blatanly taking an overseas trip with OM and in effect leaving or abandoning your children and the family to do so. He is wastefully dissipating marital assets on your WW. His BW needs to know and understand this and immediately take this ahole to court for financial support and custody. They want to make this all about them then let them but no one else is going along for the destructive ride. Let Romeo and Juliet take the dive off a tall mountain and not hurt anyone else anymore than they already haver

WOW -- after overhearing conversation with the WW and Om,I believe that she is going to file for divorce tomorrow - so that they can feel better about their trip. they dont seem to care about what this does to every one else.

Am I supposed to still believe that this is repairable?

She wont even give me the time of day anymore!

If it wasnt for the kids I dont know if i could do any of this.

reachingout,

LISTEN and DO what the good posters above have already told you.

i rarely post here but i read read read and i have done an amalgam of advise from the posters in this site.

WH was also very adamant about him not loving me anymore and that DS would one day understand what he has done to our family.

He has told me he had consulted a lawyer for annulment (live in another country, divorce not applicable here).

Has he done that? No.

After exposure, he had subjected me to verbal abuse in public saying he will never come back to us.

Right now, we are not yet near recovery but he seems to have woken up a little, gotten his head out of the fog and acting more civil!

These WS need some sense knocked into them. Don't enable their affair by giving up! Do all you can for your children's sake. That way even if you and your WW does not reconcile, you can tell them you tried and fought for your marriage and family. They will be proud of you!

Any suggestion about wether I should contest this divorce or allow it to proceed un-contested.

It will be easier on the kids if it is uncontested, also will be cheaper
In my state assets are divided -- cant fight much about that.

maybe a quicker way through this process will make the WW on OM relize the more mundane parts of life again. As it is now they have nice homes to live in, spouses that still love them and children to see at will. After the D they will be forced to deal with all the other realitys again.

I don't ever feel you should help them in any way, so while you may not choose to actively hold up the D, you DO NOT do anything to help move it along.

That's the very minimal advice, and I would like to hear some others weigh in on this question.

YOu need to fight this tooth and nail for full custody otherwise she is going to force your children in to even greater chaos..

with like speeches like

..look kids mommy wants to be happy
you want mommy to be happy right..

so be nice to mommy's new friend..
make HIM feel special ..
and then mommy will be happy...

ok kids...
act happy..............


do you see it...

the faster your wife moves this on...the harder she will crash and burn..

all this activity is just action to force away any time to really contemplate...analyze and FEEL the reality of their choices...

spin
spin
spin
that's what they are dong...cause if they slowed down they'd have to look at the reality from a different angle...

the this is wrong angle to drag all these innocent through this torture

they gobble up actions to keep from feeling
while reality nips at their heels...

you be the reality

court orders NO over seas trips
court orders NO over nights with strange men in the place
YOU stay put
YOU stay with the children....

you better believe she's not talking to you ..you cause her pain because even with all her vitriole she knows she is hurting you and the chidlren and she is not being fair...

you stay steady
like a rock
with the children
creating a stable home..
you can not turn your children over to this irrational human..
this is the time for you to be the stable calm routine with the kids...

to tell them that grownups aren't instantly replacable...

re-contact the wife of the OM

also know the increased stress this is causing your children especially if they are school friends..

contact the teachers and counselors so they know of what your wife is pulling and have them keep an eye out on your kids...

blessings to you..

pray for strength and God's Grace
pray for clarity and slow to words and actions when dealing with her....

speak calmly

find a friend to rant and rave to
exercise like a mad man to release the adreneline

be well
drink lots of fluids...

and buckle down for your kids...
and be ready for anything..

but seek full custody and all legal aspects on your side
document and record her statements and plans about taking the children

ARK