RO, you need to move forward and take steps to protect your children. Like the others said, strike now while the iron is hot and file. You cannot lose by filing but you and your kids will lose if you don't. Just because you file does not mean things cannot be worked out in the future. But if you don't, your children and yourself will continue to be exposed to this abuse. And your wife is one of the more abusive ones. You need to get up and get your family off the train tracks, ro; the train is coming. MOVE!

Momentum is on your side RO, "strike now while the iron is hot" is a good description of this.

Yes, I would agree. This is a moment in your life when you are called upon to ACT. You will remember this time in your life for the rest of it. So will your kids.

She has made her legacy. What will yours be? Make it one of the father who took a stand. You will not regret it, I promise you. It's quite possible your kids will tell their kids of what happened during this time in your life. What do you want them to remember in the telling?

Call it what ever you want to...

do what you have to do to line all the duckies up in a row.....
for primary protection of the children..

emotionally and financially

which ever the legal route that is that helps secure it...

BUT

reachingout...

You are correct that this 'vacation' is a vile trip your wife is on....

no person who ABANDONS all children spouse..parents etc...
no matter how much they pretend it is all in the name of love and a good thing...believe it themselves....

know deep deep in their soul they are wrong...
and though they run from it..

those moments at night right before sleep comes when the rest of us can go gently in to that knowing that to the best of our ability our actions are noble and good...

it is then that the subconcious can not be stilled and the seeds are planted of the vileness....

you had no choice but to let her go...you can not stop her you can not control
you can not tie her up and keep her from those things...

sayings and mantras exist because there is truth in them..

we reep what we sow....

wherever you go (run to) there YOU are

no man is an island...


the legacy these two have set in motion will crumble and no good will ever come from it...

my favorite line in the color purple is when the main character confronts her abusive vile husband during a meal at which he has his OW there as well

speaks clearly and strongly the words that are true

She tells him..

Until you do right by me nothing you touch will be of any good......
your wife and OM are like that...and until they do right by the spouses, children and family they are hurting...
no good will come.....

they are the deadly sins in action
pride, envy, anger, avarice, sadness, gluttony, and lust.

they gorge and cling on eachother...yet both are so lost from the Light of God..and all that is good on this earth

no vacation
no beautiful setting
no joy will be theres...because these things only have true value and meaning when partaken in good standing with society and God.

this is not a fantasy that these two will crash and burn hard...their wake of destruction involves too many and fall they will...

they are on trip because there is no sanctuary in their lives at home...

every where they turn they face those that they can not look in the eye....

the trip means nothing and is empty, shallow and fleeting...

do what you must for the safety...
but take great heart and pray earnestly for humility and God's grace to save them.....

they are lost...
and at the core of their vile actions are two souls blackened

pray for Grace to guide you reaching out...
you are doing very very well

you have my admiration for doing right by your family...

ARK

agreed, FILE, protect your children and yourself.

also reaching out..

I would encourage to again contact the spouse of the OM..
I realize she is not receptive to you...

but consider trying once again...
she is hurting badly....

and you could offer her a link to here....

think about it
ark

I just made the hardest call of my Life.

All of the emotions that I have been able to set aside for the last couple of weeks came flooding back....

Not a done deal yet though. Atty thinks we may be in a better position - custody wise - later. But every thing is going to be ready to go.

I'll update strategy as I think it's safe to.
Don't know who's watching

In the mean time I'll try to keep up to date on my sitch,
I still need the strength that comes from your support.

We are here for you. Don't divulge more than you should and certainly never mention MB to anyone that may know WW. This needs to remain your refuge at this point.

I know it was hard, but you did the right thing.

As my week of relief comes to an end with the WW coming back from her fantasy trip today ...


I finally get it

This week has been a gift from God - I now understand.

My children and I will be just fine with or with-out WW,
And the only way that I can ever move on is to be ok with that fact.. After that its all gravy.


No Fear !!!

Only Confidence.

This feels great.. I don't "need" her

If at some point she wants to give up A and NC OM. then I can decide if I want to try again.

WOW -- What a relief --

Thanks to all to help me to understand..

RO,
Thank God you reached this point of clarity. Now make sure you execute YOUR plan. There will likely be times where you doubt yourself and your plan and want to just retreat to your old behaviors (or at least I do this :-(

Anyway, keep coming back here and to your real-world support system when you feel that resolve slipping. Plus I went back a re-read ARK's post and what ARK says about the trip is true. They fled their real life because the A cannot be sustained in their real lives. Little did the enemy realize that they gave you the space you needed to seize the initiative. I believe you have passed the crux of your problem and now just need to execute.

WW just came down from bed...need to sign off

She's Back - wasn't in the door 10 min before she wanted money so she could move out'

I am so glad that I was able to have that week to gain perspective. I can handle this.

Plan B time

I have the answer to the question - How do you know its
time?
-- You Know --

Just give her the ****** money..

Well I guess I just blew everything...

OM came to my house to pick up WW for a date. she was not ready yet so she had a conversation from the second floor window to his car in the driveway.

All this was in front of my son who was outside at the time and a neighbor walking by.

I lost it -- Let everything out that could be said about what they are doing - very judgemental and full of LBs.

I need to get to plan B -- But she won't leave.

As I have said before D is in the works but I have still tryed to keep with plan A for my own peace of mind.

I feel terrible that I couldn't keep it under control.
How do you do it?

It just builds up to a boiling point - How do you good boundrys with out being judgemental and LBing?

RO,

Your marriage and family were being attacked by OM being at your home...

You're gonna feel defensive...and your defensive tools to date have been LBs...

Now your real tool is truth...

You can call the police and have the OM told to move on...you can then get a restraining order. You can keep your cool because you are acting for your marriage, in truth and with the knowledge you had before you lost it...she's choosing to do this...you choose to enforce your boundaries.

I see where you decided not call when he was in your house before...you said because then he would be there longer...

Do you really want to live honestly, or lie to yourself, like your WW is lying to herself?

Why do you say she won't leave when you said she wanted money to move out?

Confusing. What do YOU want?

Did you re-contact OMW? Did you expose to his work? Why not have your MIL come in and stay in your house while your wife dates? Bring in your folks, too...to be there was witnesses, your support? Have OMW come over and confront them together?

You and your children can make a sign on a large piece of cardboard...and when OM pulls up, take and walk out, all three of you and hold it..."You are destroying a family."

Boundary enforcements...teach your childen to live in truth...this is what is happening, this is what you do, predetermined, progressive...you don't say the same words and expect different results...you speak truth and announce it.

Lots of stuff you can do...Ark and all the others are giving you sound advice...

Know what you will do and what you won't...and WHY.

Plan A is being authentic...so that no matter what happens, you grow and can know you did everything possible to save your marriage...and your children understand how much you love and want them along with your marriage.

You are teaching them crucial lessons...exposing to all the friends parents of your children...helps them, doesn't harm them. They bear no shame for their mother's actions...they want terribly to be understood, of consequence and significant. Help them to know they are.

Judgmental...what is it to you? Making judgments of what others think, feel, believe, perceive...that's not your right. Judging their actions...that's The Truth. Calling them on their choices is not an LB...they may not like it...you're not doing it because they may or may not like it...may or may not wake up...You are doing it because it's truth...and you are honor bound to state it.

Call the police when OM comes onto your property, your driveway, in the street in front of your home. That's real consequences...each time you have not chosen to do this, you've gotten in the way of the consequences of her actions...which is like conspiring against your marriage.

Don't do it.

File that RO today...don't wait. Stay honest.

LA

That is so disrespectful.

Your WW is way out there. Going for holidays with OM, having him in the house, talking to him with son around… Honestly things are not looking good as far as reconciliation is concerned.

About a year ago we had dazednconfusedks struggling in what was seemingly a hopeless situation. The turning point for his WW was when – at court – she realized she would not get primary custody of their child.

Now I’m not sure that getting custody should be your tool to get WW out of the fog but as a father (and speaking as a father) I would be concerned about a mother who shows such blatant disrespect for her children. What you need is some formal way of documenting this and confirming it.

Talk to your lawyer about getting a restraining order on OM around your house and your kid’s. Even if it’s denied then there will be a formal document stating your concerns.

Updates coming soon - Lots going on - I've been lurking though.
Couldn't help but to post this quote

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” Niel Gaiman

Okay, so let's have it!! just kidding we will be patient

Today is a tough one - WW just moved out ( officially ) and in with OM. Didn't get through without a whole bunch of bickering. I think that she was going to make a fight over every issue so that she could say it was a bad experiance.
It will be a tough night for the kids....

Reaching,

I don’t have any positive pro-marriage advice as such. Nor any MB based advice.

BUT your really have to take the positives out of her actions. There is nothing unexpected in what she is doing. She is basically digging her grave deeper and deeper.

She was already having a blatant affair in front of you and the children. She has deserted the kids to go on a trip with OM. Now she bickers about lamps and pots while moving out to be with OM – while deserting her children.

Journal this. Document it. Talk to your attorney about how and if this can be used.

Your WW sounds way deep in the fog. Maybe she won’t come up for breath until she realizes what the divorce is going to cost her.

I am sorry but at this point DO whatever gives you and your children an opportunity at a safe future independent of a selfish, entitled, abandoning wife and mother. If that means Ding her then do it IMO.