This is not unexpected, She really has not been at home for weeks - staying at hotel with OM - only coming home when convenient with her fantasy schedule.

I have not posted in last couple of weeks because of atty. advice. Now that she has moved in with OM I am in a better position for primary custody. Its been a waiting game but in the mean time it has been emotionaly draining.

I still don’t understand why WW hasn’t filed yet.
I have mixed feelings about filing for D myself.
I don’t think anything else is going to cut through the fog and I’m not sure that I care at this point.

Another bad day -- WW came back for more stuff -- gets kids all upset.

My DD just told me that she felt that it was all her fault because she was friends with the OM's daughter. She is so confused and torn up --

Why can't WSes see what kind of pain they cause everybody?

WW was over again this morning to take more stuff.
Now she wants me to see the good side of OM ??
Found out that he has not filed for a D from his W either. They just plan on moving in together.
I again gave her a way back, but she still isn't intrested, says its gone too far. She still wants to have lunch once in a while though.. and will still help with the kids if asked. This isn't fog this is MUD.

What does your attorney say about plan B?

When will she be done moving out? It seems like she is in control and can do anything and everything whenever she wants even if it destroys you and your kids.

When do you create some boundaries and protect you and your children? It appears she is destroying both and it just continues.

I surely couldn't hanlde this. You and the kids are way too important to be treated so poorly. I would take action to get control of my house and my children so they were cared for the way you all deserve. She needs to stay out as long as she is involved in the A.

There is no good side to the lying, cheating, POS. Tell her that, protect your children from the idiot and WW sooner than later.

Time to make your WW feel some consequences. If she has moved out, I would get with your attorney and change the locks so she can't take any more stuff. I would plan B her in a heartbeat. Plan B plus the prospect of losing her children might just wake her up after a few months.

Plan B is coming with the D papers and custody suit.
Attorney suggested not plan Bing till after she moved out, and custody hearing. Feels that court will be more willing to give me fiull custody only if I show willingness to allow access to children, If I plan B now atty. feels I will jepordize full custody.

Now that she is officially moved out everything can proceed.

Can't leagally change locks unless restaing order in place - doesn't mean I won't, After all I don't know who may have access after all these years and it just might be prudent to change locks for general puposes ;-), just because WW is not aroiund to colect new key is not my fault.

I've heard it before on this board that D is not necessarily the end. In my case I think that it is the only way -- no matter what the outcome...

I am not happy about that.. but the LB is on empty.

Heavy dose of Reality.

Yesterday I gave WW the news that I have sued her for full custody of children and divorce. This really hit her hard. She brokedown for the first time and admitted that everything in fantasy land is not always good. All the stuff that anyone on the outside could see all along.
heres a short list

Yeah we live together but we hardly see each other anymore.
My friends don't come to see me.
I have no home
my kids don't like me anymore
I don't have any money
All we have is a couch and a toaster oven. (I'm sure they have more - like a bed)
I can't believe YOU would do this to me.
His kids call him all the time mine won't talk to me.
His kids stay over. ( she still hasn't even told us where their shacked up)

I never like to see anyone crying but in a strange kind of way I was happy that something was actually getting to her.

I still gave her ways back, I told her this doesn't have to be the end and that I would be happy to stop the process. She didn't bite on that one though.

Not a happy day...

How long is your waiting period/cooling off period for D in your state?

Of course she's not biting on anything you say. They almost never do. Plan B letter time - lay it out there for her to read. She'll read it. She'll see the path home.

Love Bank is empty? That's one of the reasons to Plan B. Will she clear her fog and come back? Only she knows and can make that decision - if she doesn't, you should Plan B to get yourself prepared.


LOL.

Ok.

"I have trouble believing that you would sacrifice all the things you just mentioned for purely selfish reasons, and yet you did. After all that has happened, I have still chosen to accept and value a relationship with you. You know the way home, please take it."

Jay

Cooling off time in our state is 90 days.

I am sure that I need to be in plan B - But atty. says if I am to get primary custody I must play like a good boy until hearing.

I had lunch with a friend today and he said something interesting to me. He said that he was sure something is going on that neither one of us knows about, he thinks his wife knows but is unwilling to tell him.

I'm tired of the games .. I want to take my ball and go home!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I'm pretty sure the end is near.
WW won't even talk to me anymore - says we have nothing to talk about.
I guess she didn't like being sued for custody.

I read someones post a while back went something like --
If WS is still willing to have verbal fights, lie, and make excuses, they still care enough to fight. When they stop fighting/giving excuses they don't care anymore.

I guess thats where we are.

Don't worry about her right now. She is in la la land and sees no way out (we know there is one).

Protect the children from WW and OM's actions, values, beliefs and protect yourself. The divorce paper is just that a piece of paper and when and if she comes to her senses and is willing to be remorseful, take ownership for her actions, repent and do the work necessary to become a good mate then and if you are still interested or available the two of you can talk.

The war has begun!!

I guess I can start posting again, doesn't much matter who sees now.


My only hope for this marriage now is to wait the affair out. Marriage was the wrong word because this one is done.
Maybe relationship would be a better term.

Just a quick update - WW has been living with OM for about 6 weeks now, she only sees our children when its convienient with her, and the kid are not to receptive.

I filed for custody and D couple of weeks ago, since it was obvious that she was not leaving OM. Started a modified combo plan B / plan A thing. I couldnt go totally dark because of custody issues.Could'nt send the plan b letter on atty advice but WW knew why I was having little contact with her.

After trying to discuss, and failing, to produce some sort of custody agreement between us. WW has turned into some person that I cant believe is the same person as my w. I thought she was different before but I could still see some some parts of my W in there - not now.

She really wants to make this as difficult and expensive as possible - she has admitted that she really doesnt want the kids and I could keep them most of the time but she wont agree to anything less than 50-50. because she does'nt want to be seen as giving up her kids - and in the process calling me the bad guy for trying to take her kids from her.

Again I noticed that it was all about her, I look at it as the kids losing - WW views it as her losing.

This can't end quick enough and I cant wait to go totally dark.

I sometimes think that I must be the psycho one because I think that sometime in the future she will face reality and want to come back - thats not the psycho part.-
I somehow still want her back - I must need my head examined!!!!

sorry for the nonsense - had to vent

Of course she did. See if she loses custody of the children then she is painted as the adulterous, selfish, piece of crap that WW and WH's are. It cements it for everyone to see. Mine did the same thing and is now appealing the court's custody ruling for the same reason. She can't bear to be painted for who she has become. That messes up the whole fantasy you see.

Has anyone thought about writing a book on all of the crazy things waywards do?

Today WW showed up at house and said she was moving back in!
I Know she is just doing this to push my buttons and because someone told her to do so because of custody hearing coming up.

She hung around for couple of hours then went back to OM. She said she will be back later.

It astonishes me how diluted they are in their thinking, does she think that coming back to the house and disturbing the calm that has been in the house since she left is going to help??

Hang in there. Things will get better, I promise you that. I hope you are keeping a journal of when she shows up and how often she takes the kids.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is actually a good thing that they are living together. Nothing like reality to end the fantasy.

Read my earlier post as to why she is doing this....

Also, if you don't already have an attorney get one fast. she is trying to manipulate the system by moving back in to avoid abandonment issues, yet her addiction will not let her stay away from OM so she is still going to see him even though she knows it hurts her chances for custody.

Use your attorney, document her coming and goings, whose parenting the children, giving baths, playing with them, preparing meals, feeding them, etc.

HP,

Theres no question about who's taking care of the kids, WW has other things on her mind.

Atty. is involved, I'm sure that her atty. has probably advised her to move back in. I am still awaiting a call back from mine this morning.

And, Yes everything gets documented - The file is getting quite large.

I would think that this kind of irrational behavior would work against her in court. Personally I think she would be better off just trying to be a good mother, rather than trying to prove something.


On the bright side
DD11 has half day of school today, going to take her to get new softball glove. Season practice starts tomorrow. Thats good, gives DD something else to distract her from situation.

Latest update.

We had our custody hearing on friday, No agreement was made, so the custody master entered a temporary order.
I recieved primary custody, WW visitation was limited to her only without Om. Her request to get the kids passports was denied.

I guess this was considered a win for me.

WW was pretty upset, reality sucks!!

She stopped in today to pick up DD and was nice as could be, I'm not sure wether she is seeing the light or just putting on a show now..

Plan B is in Limbo right now I'm hoping that maybe WW and I can work something out with out making the lawyers even richer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />