After finding out about my WS's 4.5 year A with my bestfriend I cannot stop actions of revenge towards her.

I cannot stop this feeling of wanting to destroy her for the intense pain she has caused me and my children. I talked to her every day, told her intimate things about my H and me for the last 8 years!! Her deceit and lies are actually more damaging than what I'm going thru with my H.
I trusted her more than anyone in my life!

My WH says he has always loved me, he said he never loved her,we are working on our M, going to counseling, etc. these last 7 mos. since D day. He knows nothing of what I have done. I have no intention of physically harming her, I just want to make her life miserable for awhile.

I got into her email account (unbelievely easy to do) I emailed everyone in her address book about her affair with my husband. It went out to over 50 people...her family members, her friends, coaches of her kids, teachers, members of her church..........

After I did it I did feel bad for awhile, embarrassed, but yet somewhat even. I know it was a terrible thing to do. I don't regret it though, I just wish I had been a little more "sain" when I wrote it.

These last 7 mo. she has not even acknowledged me about what she has done. I run into her 3 to 4 times a week and everytime I just get mad! I have not talked to her since I found out 7 mo. ago......she even has the gall to drive thru my neighborhood!

I placed a sticker on her car "Honk if you're Horny". Two months later I changed her Christian fish symbol to one with the words "sinner" in the middle.

Am I crazy???!!!! Has anyone else done crazy things like this?

Gem,

The best revenge is living well.

Right now she is actually winning. She has control over you. She is significant in your life.

Sooner or later you need to realize it is about you and your H.

Your actions may one day land you in jail. I would stop all of this and do my best to avoid contact with her. Even if that means moving.

I've WANTED to .... I have all kinds of fantasies about things I'd like to do to the OW ....

But actually doing so .... nope.

You have to be careful and not let it take over your life. She already tried to destroy your marriage one way -- don't let her get the upper hand again by becoming YOUR obsession.

Can you move? Switch jobs or churches or neighborhoods or even find another STATE so you don't have to run into her so often? Why are you always running into her? I think a little distance might help.

"frognomore" I know, in a way, she is winning. But I can't help wanting revenge. There is such a fine line between love and hate............

I read the cards and letters she sent me in the past, I read some of the things she has given my H. She idolized my H, almost to the point of worshipping him like God!! It makes me sick!

She totally "used" me!! I am so upset at myself for not even being aware of the 4 yr A. I just can't help wanting to humiliate and embarrass her.

"AmIok" I have no idea why I (we) keep running into her. Most of the time we just pass each other on the road or we are across from one another at a stoplight.

We will be moving to different town in approx. 8 months, but I even run into her in outlying towns surrounding the one we live in now!! Moving to a different state is impossible because of my widowed mother.

I won't do anything that could land me in jail. Just anominous things once in awhile..........

I just wondered if anyone else has done anything similiar or if I am totally whacked!

I wanted to seek some form of revenge against my STBX, and the other MM by notifying his wife. I decided not to because I couldn't fully picture the full consequences of what I was going to do. Couldn't flatten tires, couldn't write the W word all over her car...

So far, I am doing pretty well, getting the bills paid with cash and not credit.. all while I watch her party all of her money away and use credit to pay her bills.

Sometimes living well is a sweet form of revenge. Once my bills are all paid off, I'll accidently let it slip I am debt free.

Notifying the OMW about the A should not be viewed as an act of revenge, but an act of absolute necessity.

Gem25 you have to realize that these acts of revenge are doing the exact opposite of what you intend. Instead of simply removing yourself from OW's life and letting her live her life w/o a best friend. Instead of allowing her to reach a point where she misses the friendship and begins to feel true sorrow for what she has done to you. You are simply making her angry and when people are angry they feel no remorse. So I am sure that everytime you do something vengeful she is feeling re-newed justification in having an affair with your husband.

She is running into you because she wants to see you. She wants to know what is going on in your life. OW hurt deply when the WS goes back to the wife. Affair partners have giant egos, they really start to believe their own hype after a while. They feel like they can do a better job at partnering the WS. These OW truly believe when the A is going on that they actually stand a chance. They build up a fantasy relationship with the WS and feel like WS loves them more than they love the BS.

When the fantasy comes crashing down as it inevitably does they feel absolutely awful and foolish, and are truly heartbroken. They feel super envious of the spouse and are devestated to learn that in most cases they were only used temporarily to fill a WS EN and were thrown away like yesterday's newspaper once BS/WS got back on track.

Do yourself a favor and go dark on her. Cut her off completely, avoid her as much as you can. Never speak to her again, pretend that she doesn't exist when you see her in public. Hold your head up high look dignified not mad as heck when you see her. That will be the best revenge on her to let her know that despite it all that your life is still good, family is still intact and she is out in the cold where she belongs w/o a lover of a best friend.

Here is a link to some useful information about revenge.

http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/revenge.html

I hope you find it helpful. You are wasting a lot of energy that could be put to better use. I wish you the best.

The fact that you can't help yourself from acting out like this is a clear indicator to me that you have a problem that needs to be addressed immediately with a mental health provider. You are poisoning yourself with hatred. Why you still "run into her" is beyond me... but whatever allows for that to happen needs to change immediately. NC extends to you also. YOU should also not have any contact with the OW.

MEDC is right. You are way over the top. You actions are coming close to criminal. If you end up arrested, who has the last laugh? OW was never your problem. WH is your problem. By placing such hatred on the OW, you are avoiding having to take any responsibility for your own actions.