Post deleted by Jayban

Sounds like you are doing a bang-up job! You sure didn't waste any time. Usually we have to post for days and days to get folks to expose.

Post deleted by Jayban

hi friend...

in the sh*t here too... you may consider talking to your Doc for anti-depresents and possably anti-anxiety meds they are what is holding me togeather right about now... they do help and you are under enormious emitional stress...

Wife just called back, it was brief:

"You are trying to destroy me! I'm giving my two weeks notice on Monday, I don't want to work anywhere near you!"

I told her I was not trying to destroy her, and that I am simply trying to end this affair and save my marriage because it is THAT important to me.

She then hung up.

Whatever happened to next weekend? Oh well, I can barely ever hold any secrets either. You did good with the confrontation. Now that the A is out in the open, it will die a quick death. OM and/or WW will be terminated. FIL will stop enabling WW. MIL will hear from FIL. Everything will go to ****** this next week.

I'm going to say this in a caring way, but I told you so. I told you your WW was having an A, I told you it was with a coworker, I told you when it was exposed she would say it was over and she was getting a divorce (which my WW did as well 3 months ago when I exposed, but she's never hired a lawyer and we are working on our M), AND I'M TELLING YOU THAT YOU WILL LIKELY BE ABLE TO SAVE YOUR M NOW. Good job! Way to stand up for yourself and your family. Like I said before, it is going to get worse before it gets better. Let exposure do its trick. If you have people putting pressure on the A and not enabling it, then the A will crumble. Then you can start picking up the pieces and try and salvage your M.

Find and contact OM's parents. You don't need to talk to OM. Just make sure he gets fired. That will be hard for them to continue their little affair if neither of them has a job or any money.

I would just stop trying to reason with her. She's just trying to hurt you right now. I would let things die down a bit.

Oh, my other saying is "the angrier they are when you expose, the more effective exposure is in ending the A."

You just hit her where it hurts and struck the A a staggering blow.

"And the truth shall set you free!"

Doesn't it feel good and empowering now that the truth is out? You are no longer a doormat. The truth might be able to free her from her addiction. Keep putting pressure on the A. Let OM's boss and HR know that you expect them to discipline OM because of moral turpitude clause. Keep in touch with the IL's. Expose to OM's friends and family so he feels the heat (sometimes it might take OMF to say to OM, "If she will cheat on her H, she will cheat on you.") Keep working on yourself. Let us know what was wrong with your M pre-A and what you are working on to fix it. You have seemed to pick up the MB principles quickly and trust in the system. You WILL be alright. Keep up the good work.

Post deleted by Jayban

Leave OM alone. He is not your problem, your wife is.

Let FIL and MIL know that you love your wife and refuse to sit by while your marriage is broken up by adultery.

I like the idea of calling OM


Because I bet OM...no, I know OM has been lied to.

Perhaps one of those things she's lied about extensively is the status of your wife's marriage.

She likely just said: We are separated, marriage is over, he's okay with me dating, we talk but only about our daughter, etc.

I wish I could find the thread about calling OM's...someone recently did it pretty well and it was discussed a bit before it happened. At the very least, you will put pressure on the affair from his end.

Like I said earlier. WW's get way to emotionally attached. A ta/graduate student isn't even in the real world. He likely doesn't want a hassle and MAY dump your WW as soon as it gets complicated. A call to him adds to complication. Presume he's an innocent dupe in all this and treat him as though he MAY have some honor here. Don't threaten him. If he has been told about you it's about how bad a husband you are cause that's what OM's need to do to justify having an affair in their own mind. They need to "save" the woman from a jerk neglectful husband. Don't feed that. Make him think you are actually a good guy that loves his wife and asking him to stop with honor TODAY.

I vote for a call and some discussion beforehand.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - you handled the confrontation GREAT. Keep minding those LB's.

For all BSs out there, this is why you need to find proof and expose ASAP, so your WS doesn't have time to poison the minds of other people against you and lessen the effects of exposure. I'm sure that there are coworkers whose minds she has poisoned as well. She'll just try to make you out as a jealous *sshole.

By the way, how do you know your MIL is pissed at you? Don't believe a word that comes out of a WS's mouth. She'll try to make you believe all these other people think you are an *ss to try and intimidate you into stopping what you are doing. Don't buy it. Continue to try and gain the support of MIL. Plan A the ILs like you would plan A the spouse.

He changed my mind. But if you do, keep your cool and don't come off as a jealous psycho that your WW needs protection from (that's probably how she has portrayed you).

JB,

I know it hurts to hear all those words. That is her purpose. Just pretend you are looking at Linda Blair in the Exorcist. It helps. I heard all those things - all of them - from my WW who is still with me and dedicated to our M.

Everything she is saying and doing is normal. Now her fantasy is over. The A is no longer fun. Let's see how she likes reality. Personally I would use the PI one last time and go knock on OM's door and show him the video. You need his ID to find his family and expose.

Your WW is angry but she is also fishing. Don't lay all your cards on the table. Keep her guessing. She may already know everything that you know - but she doesn't know that.

MIL is with WW. FIL may lean toward you but I'm certain he is not willing to sacrifice his M for yours. Show him the video and let him do what he wants. Don't consider him much of an asset because I'm sure MIL will be controlling him.

Exposure to OM's family is vital. If OM is as emotionally attached as your WW is, it may require exposing to his family for him to stop pursuing your WW. Sometimes OM may fantasize about marrying your WW, but if his family tells him, "No way, no how will that tramp ever be welcome in our house and our family," it sends a powerful message. Hurry up and expose to them before OM and WW have time to spin it.

I second the idea to call OM...I bet he's been lied to too.

Call him.

You are doing GREAT, Jay, you really are!

Stay strong.

~ Marsh

Expose OM to everyone you can. Whether exposing to his family has any benefit depends on what their views are on infidelity. They may just say it's his business. Also be careful about how you do this. Blood is thicker than water. Definitely expose him at the university. Take a snapshot from the video with a nice caption and post it on every bulletinboard you can find. Make it the hot gossip of the campus. Too bad you can't prove he was using grant money to fuel the A. Or is it gulity until proven innocent? I can never remember.

Jay, let me just say that this is the WORST it will get and you are surviving. You are doing a TREMENDOUS job at fighting for you M and I wish more of the BS here would take up the fight like you have. As you have seen it isn't EASY but exposure will kill your WW's A. Maybe not today, mayben not next week or month, but a mortal wound has been inflicted and soon the lies and deceipt of her R will become its eventual downfall.

I can almost guarantee that a 21 year old single male does not want the hassle of dealing with a 32 year old M woman with child. Throw in a husband who is willing to fight for her and make his life a living he11 and watch how soon this scumbag makes a run for it.

You can't see it now but your actions have given you a much better chance at recovering you M. If you continue to Plan A and Plan B if necessary, you will have a chance. Don't look for results in days or even weeks...this takes much time and patience.

As for her threats and anger, that is all normal. I found the first 5-7 days after exposure to be the worst. The WS usually starts to calm down as long as you don't engage her anger. My WW also threatend to have the papers to me by the end of the week after exposure...we didn't seperate until 7 months later and now I'm in Plan B. Recently she has said she was sorry, takes blame for most of our problems, and misses me. She is slowly crashing but it takes alot of time so be prepared for that.

Keep working on yourself and eliminate all the things that hurt your M.

Now just sit back, Plan A and let exposure do its work!

I'm proud of you my friend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

HTW

Post deleted by Jayban