Once again the safety of MB has been breached. A WS has found this site.

It is my personal opinion that when BS come to this site, that right after the welcome, sorry to find you here but you will get help. THe NEXT thing that should be stressed is to keep this site secure. To the point of instructions on how to clear the cache, shut down their PC etc.

It is not only the BS that suffers when an active WS gets to this site, but ALL the BS that are in pain and sharing their innermost feelings and struggling to keep going.

While I understand that when newly BS for the most part think their sitch and their WS is different from the norm, the experience of the other ppl that are or have gone through this, it is CLEAR that MOST WS share too many of the same characteristics.

imho, any posters to newly BS are doing a disservice to the ENITRE MB community if they don't stress how important it is to keep this site as a safe haven for BS and RECOVERING WS.

THOUGHTS?

Rule of Thumb

Never post anything on the internet that you don't WANT the entire world to see.

This is a public forum. It is not a safe haven.

TOTALLY Agree. HOWEVER it is like closing and locking your front door. It might not STOP someone breaking in but you are not INVITING them in either.

And there are ppl on here that are physically and verbally abused. And BS who are very much alone and isolated in IRL. And, if they are vulnerable becasue their WS has convinced them that they are worthless or it is their fault for the WS's actions, they has support here where they might not have it IRL. I am of the opinion that deliberately sharing this site when it puts other ppl at risk in not the best solution.

If there is a BS viewing and discussing then that is communication and maybe it's something that needs to happen. I always felt everyone has a right to their opinion, just like everyone has an arm or a leg, it's how the appendage is used that proves the person. You can always tell if there is a defect........it shows sooner or later.

Brenda, we have had many BS who had to FLEE this forum when their WS found it. When a BS is trying to bust up his spouse's affair and save his marriage, it is counterproductive to have the WS here. In fact, in the recent case to which FAA is referring, the BS is being threatened with eviction after reading his posts. It is just a bad idea to bring an active WS around here.

FAA:
Maybe it's here somewhere and I'm not aware of it...but what about posting a "How to keep your WS in the dark about MB" post? Include SPECIFIC instructions for the BS about how to clear the history, suggested security measures to take, etc.

BSs may just not realize the risk...and/or don't know HOW to protect themselves. Some people are technologically challenged.

Just a thought...
LilSis

EXACTLY!!!!! Thanks, Mel. For me this IS a haven. MB sheltered me from the insanity that Dork heaped on me and gave me the strenght and the TOOLS to do what was needed for my own healing and safety.

imho, MB is a shelter for ABUSED ppl. ABUSED hearts, abused TRUST, physical and emotional and verbal abuse.

THe analogy that comes to mind for me, is a shelter for woman and children. IRL, ANY woman or child who is staying in a safe house to give them time to heal and to escape and learn how to cope with the problems is instructed to NEVER give up the location. NOT only for their own safety but for the safety of the other women and children.

THe REASON for secrecy on it is because the ABUSER might not personally come here. BUT The abuser can and often does share with other ppl. The action of sharing this site with a current WS is counter-productive.

And to be VERY clear, I am NOT talking about FWP. ONLY current WS. FWS are an invaluable resource.

I agree 100%

There needs to be some set rules that we can post to new BS.

-Don't tell WS about this place

-Don't tell OP about this place.
I know of one BS that went right to the OP and told them all about the fog and why the SP was acting the way they were. Also added what they were doing to try to win the BS back.

We have the DOs and DON'Ts of what to do while the WS is in the fog so why not a DOs and DON'Ts of what to do when you start out?

Yes and it gets worse! What about the OP? The site for OW cite this place and every few months a few trolls come along.

AND the thing that goes along with that is that the OP USES MB techniques on WS AGAINST the BS!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

It renders any attempts by BS to follow any plan becasue they are literally disarmed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Don't make this bigger than what it s/b. The BS should always be cautious but not so as to hinder support.

I gave OW the nickname PBR (psycho babble rabbit) and called WS, the WS. So even if they came....so what? I invaded their privacy? I exposed them? Breach of confidence?

Hm... Yes, Yes and ....stupid, what confidentce?

I think the BS needs to expect the WS and OP will find MB. Even in the fog it is always a possibility. When they do, so what?

On MB, a true WS and OP are out of their environment. Let us help suffocate their attitude and shoo them away.

The BS should feel safe here not scared. We will stand united with the BS and family and thwart any stupid WS and OP dumb enough to stick the likeness of their minds on MB.

A good dose of RB, sprinkled with LB (not love busters....da' otha' kine)...... then drop shot of plan B is enough to make a WS and OP run for 'dem thar hills'..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So our plan s/b to give support to the MB. Remember to their A, the BS and the BS supporters are POISON.

To BS and their supporters, the WS and OP are TOXIC.

Just one's POV.

Nothing t/b scared of. I would like to opportunity to chat with a real WS and OP..... LOL!! My RB needs practice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> grin:

Gotta go to work now.

L.

I think you meant to write...

I know of one BS that went right to the OP and told them all about the fog and why the WS was acting the way they were. Also added what they were doing to try to win the WS back.

It's hard to believe a BS would need to be told NOT to do that, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Shocked me too.

~ Marsh

yes your correct Marsh. Sorry about that

No need to apologize. I knew what you meant.

I just wanted others (who hadn't read about that sitch) understand what you meant too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

Oh, and just to be clear...when I wrote this "It's hard to believe a BS would need to be told NOT to do that, huh?

Shocked me too."

I was referring to the particular sitch that you mentioned...not your mistake. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

I got that part, but thanks for the <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />