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Well, I'm still alive. It feels like yesterday in a way. But then again it feels like its been 10 years.
We are still in recovery, I guess. I had a bit of a mini breakdown yesterday thinking about it, but today I'm ok. FWS still reasures me every time I get upset that he is not that person anymore and will spend his life proving that to me.
I still think about A every day. I think about OW all the time, even though NC has been in place since last April.
Just wondering when I will not think of A. I have read here extensively, I know 2 yrs is the norm, but I really dont think I can be like this in my head for another year.
Dh is doing everything right, it's just my own mind that drives me nutty
Me 30
fws (dh now) 31
D- day 1/27/06
plan a 1/30/06
plan b (he moved out) 3/16/06
moved baCK IN (NC letter) 4/3/06
FWS left job 6/12/06
moved to new town 6/21/06
IN RECOVERY!!!!!!!
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Joined: Dec 2006
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You are doing Great!!
My 1st aniversary of D-Day will be next Thanksgiving. I have wondered from time to time how I will ever approach that holiday again.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Joined: Dec 2003
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Congrats...the second year makes a world of difference. We're heading towards the 3rd anniversary from the start of recovery, and I hardly think about the affair anymore.
With your FWS doing a fair share of the work, you are going to be fine!
SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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I have had trouble with ALL of the holidays from October ( when A began) until ds"s 2nd birthday ( last Sunday.) That one really hurt b/c I know DH talked to OW on the phone last year while I was gone to pick up DS's birthday cake. Also, I scrapbook, and still havent scrapped the pictures from last Christmas or ds's 1st birthday b/c it is still too painful.
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this will get better I promise you are right on schedule <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Pep
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CGU,
Thank you for coming back and updating. Good to see you again.
How much effort have you been putting into choosing your thoughts?
How much sharing time do you and your FWH do together...any communication exercises? How 'bout that RC/UA time?
I ask because you are right on schedule...and I wonder how you handled the anger phase at six months past last contact? Would have been about October...so I'm curious?
LA
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LA, I was a complete BEAST in October. I was triggering several times a day, and threatening divorce over everything. I would tell fwh that I thought my flying off the handle was due to the calendar and nothing more- b/c A started last October, so every day I was thinking " Last year at this time they were doing....." I thought I would go out of my mind! But he was so patient and reassuring with me.
Do yall know Les and Lslie Parrott? They are doing a marriage seminar at our church and we are going!
Last April right after we bagan NC "for real", we went to a Gary Chapman ( 5 love languages) seminar. I really think it was a turning point for us. he went into a scenario about how a workplace affair begins and dh said "he could have been a fly on the wall- that was exactly how it happened."
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CGU,
I didn't see an answer about choosing your thoughts.
So you had an A walk through...going through the season, knowing last October what you didn't the October before...and it sounds like you shared those triggers, questions, feelings...great choice, CGU!
I saw where you permitted yourself to SD if you hurt enough...and if your FWH took it.
At six months, you get angry...because you are safe to get angry...due to FWH doing his thing...reassuring, staying, through the LBs and keeping on in his amends. You can't get to six months with contact, continued betrayal or stuffing it under the rug. Both of you get kudos for getting there...know this is interdependency...which is marriage. Recognize it.
As for now...I was like you, renting OW waaay too much space in mind. I was obsessed. Had to work my way out of it. Slowly and steadily, with great commitment. I realized if I didn't, then I would be putting a third person into our marriage, and that crossed my marital boundary.
LA
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LA, I have not been very productive in the department of choosing my thoughts. it seems at times that I just let my mind run away into "darkness." I really need to do some work in this area.
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CGU,
Good to know...and I didn't say kudos for you and FWH attending seminars...together...because I believe they do enrich...even the choice to go...demonstrating our heart's desire to know and grow and heal...important to the actual acts, don't you think?
Choosing your thoughts is really important to living a thriving life...and NOT living from our emotions...downward spirals, and more. It's part of knowing how powerful you really are...instead of reacting to your own thoughts, making you think you're more limited than you really are.
Gets you to balance...and I don't know why they don't teach this in school!
LOL!
LA
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