My WW and I have been married 17 years. Two months ago she said she did not love me any more and wanted to separate. I was floored, did not see this coming and did not know what to do. After a week I found this site and started Plan A. Then found out she was involved with OM she met on the internet. I confronted her with this and she denied it. She soon left to go to her mother's, where she stayed for 3 weeks until she left to go to FL to OM. While at her mother's she admitted to sleeping with OM. We have 4 son's and they are devastated and angry that their mother has abandoned them. Now what Plan B?

Well, first you need to make sure she cant take those boys out of state--I'd get a lawyer for something temporary. That's the first thing that popped in my head. And maybe get them some help--they'll need it. How old are they?

Sorry you are here, but the kind people here are great and will be on their way to help I am sure.

Intexas

Hire an attorney as soon as possible so that you are not faced with the prospect of her coming back and trying to take you children to Florida.
This situation will require a very delicate touch until the custody issue is resolved. Call the Harley's and seek out help from her family. This is an absolute disgrace on her part. I am sorry for the obvious pain you must be going through. Take care of your children and yourself first here.
You are dealing with a woman that could leave four children for a man she met on the ineternet... that should tell you a lot about the type of person she really is. Please, call the Harley's... secure your finances so she cannot access them... and call an attorney immediately.
Good luck.

Get an Attorney today if not sooner and get a temporary order for full custody, supervised visitation, no leaving the state with children, exclude OM from being around sons, ask for child support, and 1/2 of the household finances. Do this while the iron is hot.

The OM may think paying her bills, paying you and more are too much for a piece of tail which is all he likely wanted to begin with.

Have you expose the affair to everyone that can help on both WW and OM's side??? Do it.

Soon,

We need more info. Tell us about your wife, your kids. A little bio stuff here. Employment. Also about you!

As the folks above listed, you need to see an attorney immediately! What state do you live in? You need to protect yourself and your kids right now. First things are first!

Also, make sure you journal everyday. Write it down, where your wife cannot find it. Write down everything you do for the kids and the marriage. Write down all the things she does that day or says. This will be CRUCIAL in court!

Now listen to me closely...you can make it. Even your marriage can make it. But you have a lot of work to do! My wife left me and the kids...and even went to Florida to meet his family at one point. At one point, she was gone for 7 months...had moved into an apartment in another town.

And we are together today! So, just understand that as bleak as it looks right now...many have been in your shoes. And all have survived and many have recovered great marriages.

So, let's hear the bio stuff so we can begin to come up with a battle plan!

I'm 38 she is 36. Our boys are 17,16,13(twins). I am a chemist she was a Admin Asst. We known each other for 23 years. The oldest two know about the affair. they asked and I told them the truth. The twins do not. My wife and I are very busy with work and kids and don't make time for ourselves. SF has not been good for about a year. I'm the main reason for that. My sex drive isn't what it use to be. I'm sure my wife thought it was that I did not desire her, but I told her repeatedly that it was not her, but me. That leads to our other big problem communication. We say things to each other but neither of us understands the other. Things that are important to her are not so important to me and vice versa. I do understand that the affair was 100% her decision and that I'm not responsible for it, However; if we are able to reconcile I don't want my marriage to suffer from the same old problems.I'm 38 she is 36. Our boys are 17,16,13(twins). I am a chemist she was a Admin Asst. We known each other for 23 years. The oldest two know about the affair. they asked and I told them the truth. The twins do not. My wife and I are very busy with work and kids and don't make time for ourselves. SF has not been good for about a year. I'm the main reason for that. My sex drive isn't what it use to be. I'm sure my wife thought it was that I did not desire her, but I told her repeatedly that it was not her, but me. That leads to our other big problem communication. We say things to each other but neither of us understands the other. Things that are important to her are not so important to me and vice versa. I do understand that the affair was 100% her decision and that I'm not responsible for it, However; if we are able to reconcile I don't want my marriage to suffer from the same old problems.

If you don't want it to go back to the same way it was before you need to communicate better and have SF more often. Pop a few Viagara if you have to. Fill her love bank with admiration. Let her know how much she is wanted. She probably suffers from low self-esteem and depression, so the OM is a temporary distraction from her negative feelings about herself, but it will only made her end up feeling worse about herself in the long run.

Sounds to me like your wife is having a mid-life crisis. Is she sending child support? If not, I would see an attorney. In fact, I would see an attorney anyway. She is not acting rationally, and you need to protect your family.

I'm sure she will be back.

I found email form OM to my WW in the tax forms she left me. God works fast! I went to OM's web site and saw that he works with his W. I put her name in place on his and email her their steamy email. She got the email and emailed me back. She talked to WH and seems to have stopped the A. My WW was livid saying I ruinned everything and that now she is alone. But she said that she is not coming home. She in FL and says she is going to stay for awhile. She says that he was not the reason she decided to leave, he was a bonus. She says she has been wanting to leave for seven years and that in her mind she had been gone "for years". What should I do now that the A hasbeen broken up and she still does not want to return?

Good job Soon...you exposed..good for you...stay in Plan A for now...she will be back...learn from my mistakes, do a good Plan A and stay there for awhile...

Soon,

Plan A your "A" off. Even from afar as much as you can.

Who is financing this Florida vacation? The funds must be cut off.

Have the kids talk to her, asking her to come back. (if you want her to come back!)

How selfish and self-centered can she be????????????????

It is sad yet so comical how livid she was/is because you ruined everthing!! Right out of the Wayward Spouse script.

And also on your previous post,(the one before this one) you have got to stop repeating yourself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

k

Soon,

Trust me the A is not over yet. Even if OM decides to stop dead cold, there will be contact between him and your W. Your W must go through withdrawal from him, and it will be very strong given she was willing to leave her children and you. You can expect months of very strange rewriting of history to justify her affair and her dissertion of your family.

I would strongly recommend that you see a lawyer and obtain custody of the children NOW. Then you do your best to plan A when you have the chance. You have a larger obligation to your children to protect them, and keep them from being moved around than you do to her right now. When and if she really does end the affair, then you can try and rebuild the marriage, but you can only do what you can do.

Get a physical and make sure you are in fact healthy, getting enough sleep, and don't forget to consider anti-depressents to get you through this period. It will help you and the boys if you are healthy and on a more even keel emotionally.

You have a lot to do for yourself right now (I am including your children) so don't worry so much about her. What she is saying is the usual WS rewriting of history and fog, don't take it very seriously. Focus on you and the kids and getting things settled down.

Your job in the long run is to be "the lighthouse" that indicates the way back for her. Right now the fog is so thick she won't see it, but work on getting the power right, the lenses clean, and everything operating well. You will need all you have to get through recovery.

Hang in there and please read all of the articles on this site. If you can consider counseling. The Harley's are good, very good and do it over the phone which might be a plus for you given 4 kids and a job.

God Bless,

JL

My WW has not paid her car payment for 3 month and now they want to repo it. Should I let the bank know her new address or not?

Hmmm. It might help her hit bottom sooner if that happened....

Letting her car go won't win you any points short term but it will point out to her that she's got to take things a bit more seriously. When the rubber meets the road is when she will realize this isn't a game she's playing.
Plan A can be very helpful. Don't try to turn people against her in the meantime, as you don't want to make things worse...assuming you want things to be better in the future.

I would go get a lawyer and get temporary custody of the children while she's abandoned the family. I would deal with the M later but you will never have a better opportunity to protect your children from such a selfish, self centered and frankly non thinking Woman. When and if your WIFE comes back you can discuss all things about the M and family at that time.

Update of sorts. My wife has returned home and after two weeks of being here says she made a mistake coming home and that she does not love me. Two weeks ago she wanted to come back and work on the marriage. She said while she was in FL that OM was not enough, She still thought of me alot. Is this fog?? Is she lying about wanting to work on the marriage?? Is this withdrawal??

Update of sorts. My wife has been back at home now for two weeks. She ofcourse, is not remorseful or sorry for her actions and will not even call it an affair. Her explaination for that is that she had decided to leave me before she got invoved with OM. How convient! When she came back two weeks ago she wanted to work on the marriage. She said while she was in FL with OM having fun that it was not enough and was still unhappy. Thought of me alot. Last night she says that she does not love me and can't see how this is going to work. I told her it has only been two weeks and that it will take much longer to withdraw . As far as I know she has been in NC with OM ie (email passwords, phone records,etc...). Is this fog?? Is it Withdrawal or is it that she has crossed a line (moraly, spiritually, personally) and feels that she can't come back from this?