WS just called. He starts the conversation with an almost joking voice,,,

"Well, you think WE have problems? You should try being married to X. "(he is referring to the lawyer friend of his who is to be taking care of my ticket)

He just got off the phone w/him and apparently this guy's wife was calling him every name in the book while they were on the phone. WS is more a friend than a client with them

I really did not know what to say to that. I just asked what happened,,,,,and said WOW. I didn't make any reference to the comparison to our sitch.

What SHOULD I have said? Is there anything that wouldn't be a LB?

Some things came to mind like "oh really, is he committing adultery too?" OR "Being married to you is Quite enought for me"

I said neither those or any of the other sarcastic comments on the tip of my tongue.

WS just wanted to let me know that another attorney was working my case,,,,,,,,he called the other guy but he was out of the office. He asked if I wanted the number.

I said "Yes, but if you have already called him I will just let you continue to follow up on it for me. "

WS - "No problem"

Now,,, this all sounds very nice, doesn't it? That maybe he's wanting to HELP me,,, to take CARE of me? Nope, he's also working traffic issue for another person at the same time.

It's nothing to do with me personally.

But, I do appreciate it and told him so several times.

He said he had to go,,,,,"talk to you soon". I know some BS's would be encouraged by that,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

I take it to mean, I'm working on making you comply with my wishes just as soon as possible.

I don't know why but I now expect the mean angry cold WS most every time we talk.

remember that you are the DAMSEL IN DISTRESS with the GODDESS UNDIES..and you are HIS WIFE... and she is the HO...

It's on his mind, GF..you better believe it....

HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR POWER....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mimi for the Goddess Power Reminders!

It's hard to hold on to when buffeted by these storms. However, the wand is firm in hand now!

What do you think about asking him in a neutral voice AS IF for INFORMATIONAL purposes..what type of GODDESSWEAR he would have liked for you to wear "IN THE PAST"???

BUGS: "Just wondering..."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,,,,

I'll have to work that one in sometime soon,,,,,THANKS! Maybe I'll get my VS catalog in the mail soon and can use it to say "Do you think this would look good on me?"

Last night I got tired of waiting to hear from him on what time he was to pick up DSS. I called both cell phones and got VM. He didn't call back for over 1/2 an hour. It frustrates me that I get no answer all of the time,,,,,,,,,he ALWAYS answers his phone.

He said he was just leaving work,,,,I told him I'd have DSS eat with me and DD. I think it surprised him that I offered, but he accepted.

Nothing special in the conversation,,,,the usual work stuff. At the end, I joked, "well, hurry home baby, we're having FISH STICKS tonight"

This used to be a running joke of his when I'd fix fish sticks for the kids. He'd always say "Fish Sticks?? Honey, is it our Anniversary already?"

Ws answered - "no, thanks. I'll grab something for myself"

Bugs - "well, that really wasn't an invitiation, but we would LOVE it if you would eat with us"

WS - No thanks

Bugs - Ok, you'll be missing out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:)

He picked up DSS,,,,I was sitting working on my computer on the couch. He made sure not to get close at all and remainded standing. Brief conversation and he was out the door. As he was walking out, I made sure to say "Have a great evening, honey!"

This am, DD and I were getting ready to walk out the door when WS and DSS are walking in. DSS neeed to get something from the house. WS and I are standing next to each other at the door. He hugs DD.

I told him I'd be glad to take DSS with us, and drop him at school so WS can go on to work.

He looked SHOCKED - and said OK. I made sure to put my hand on his back as we turned to walk out the door.

He walked out and put DD in the car. He leans in from the back and tells me - "You can just take DSS to the house tonight, it's our worst day of the week at work and I know I'll be late"

I asked what time do I take him over

WS - Whenever you want, FIL will be there.

I asked if he should have dinner with us

Ws - Yes, that will work.

I am getting a little aggravated with WS assuming that I am always available for kid duty EXCEPT on his night of the week. However,,,,,,,,supporting him in his long hours at work has always been important. FOR NOW,,, PLAN A,,,, it meets a need that will NOT be met in Plan B, so I am rolling with it.

I was in Goddess mode when he unexpectedly showed up this morning,,,,,,,,only thing missing was the lipstick!

Anything on your letter to OW's parents yet?
Did you send it Fed-ex or regular mail?

Be ready for the explosion.....just be prepared. And go back and read some of the exposure threads so that you are ready for what he might dish at you.

"I was thinking of coming home until you did this...."
"I can never trust you again...."
"Why would you hurt innocent people...."
"You are bitter, vindictive, etc....."

Are you ready for what he will unleash? And are you ready with your mantra?

Have you scheduled an appointment with your attorney? To get your legal separation in order? (BTW, have you noticed that WH has not filed yet? hehehehe)

Not a peep on letter. I sent regular mail,,,, as you may recall, the address I found was questionable. Long story, but that property has recently sold so I am not 100% sure that it is the right address. Am hoping perhaps it was forwarded,,,,,,,,,

Good advice on the preparation for the explosion,,,,,I will work on that.

Left a message for attorney yesterday,,, she was in court all day.

You are right,,,,,,,,he hasn't filed yet. Him sending the LIST last week was his way of trying to get me to cooperate and make it easy (and cheaper).

Ho is likely pushing hard (these arguments happen when he has spent time with her). Since I am not cooperating, I would think the push will be back on via the attorney soon.

DD is feeling pretty sad. She said she heard the "D word" the other night and she doesn't want us to divorce. She misses her Daddy and wants us all to be together again.

I just keep giving her all of the reassurance that I can. I promise her that everything will be fine. I give her and show her and tell her I love her as much as possible. I assure her that her Daddy feels the same way about her.

THAT really is the HARDEST part for me. I can't stand to see her little eyes crying!

Ok, I have an appointment with my legal counsel to move this forward.

I feel a little ill,,,,,I am uneducated in this, but in my state a LSA is really no different than D. All of the same things are decided except the parties are not free to marry someone else until D is filed.

Everyone thinks I'm NUTS not to just make it a D.

They all ask, why proceed with filing for LSA?

Why not file for D

OR

Wait for WS to file for D

I am kind of asking myself the same questions here.

I just know that I do not want a D. I have been nothing if not consistent with that fact to everyone, including WS. I won't betray myself by filing for D.

So,,,, why not wait for WS to file?

Because it's time to move on with my life,,, with or without WS. It's time to get ready for Plan B.

Help me out here folks,,,,,,,,,,needing some assurances that I am on the right path???????????

That's BULLCRAP...A LSA is not the same as a DIVORCE.

That's what I had and when we RECONCILED I tore that piece of paper up..it was meaningless..it was meaningless when it was signed..because my H had no intention of getting a DIVORCE...

Its necessary for you to get into a new house, correct?
so the timing requires that you move forward -- with the least damaging choice (lsa vs. divorce)

Make it clear to him why you made the choice you did. That it is NOT because you are giving up, but merely to get yourself settled house-wise.

You have to do this. Plus getting support established. Time for some consequences for him....

I got the LSA to PROTECT MYSELF LEGALLY..but I also had no plans to DIVORCE...

Lawyers DO DIVORCE..I searched for a lawyer who agreed with my POV...

The LSA is there so that folks won't move TOO SWIFTLY to DIVORCE...

It's a GOOD THING...

That is it exactly--to stop moving to D too fast AND to protect and mostly, DD.

Ws left message while we were taking DSS to FIL house. He had talked to kids earlier and it was clear he would NOT be home when I would be dropping off DSS. Obvious he would not still be working! DUH!

DD called and talked to him. I could hear, he probed enough, trying to find out if I talked to FIL

I got on. He was pi**y! I asked what was wrong. He started with nothing

He could not resist and it went into that FIL is not speaking to him. Bottom line WS is stating it is FIL that is WRONG, not him.

I was pretty quiet - which made him even more upset. I did not defend or argue

At one point he says "well, you have turned my father against me, now you can work on my mom

I said 'I am not turning anyone against you

WS - oh yes, you are doing a really good job of it. He won't look me in the eye. It is either because he knows your conversation with him was Wrong, or what you said has made him so disgusted with me. Your conversation was wrong.

Bugs says' so my saying that I love you, that I want you to end this other R, and that I want our M back is wrong?"

He, of course, ignores that and continues with how everyone else is at fault

Wish I was not on blackberry so I could give the details, but that is a decent summary

I did not get angry or react to his rant. I am sure he was disappointed

Funny, he said not one word about this ALL day or even when we spoke earlier,,,,,

Only after HO time does any of this come out. He had not even SEEN his dad today.

I am so thankful right now that I found this site to help me be prepared for this!

Oh Bugs... that's his guilt talking. Yahoo for your ILs. You're doing great. The "consequences" are hitting him hard. Keep on keeping on what you're doing. Of course it comes out after "HO time". She feeds it. But deep down deep... he knows. {{{Bugs}}}

(((Bugs)))

Just wanted to pop in before I head out in the morning for sunny Florida.

I was told the same thing that LSA is about the same as a D except you can't remarry. Esentially it protects you. If I had to do it all over again I would file LS. I didn't because at the time I thought it was a waste of money. When I filed I was determined and angry,

Keep fighting for you M and don't let the fog talk discourage you. I'll still be praying for you while I'm away.

I think I might go through MB withdrawel <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Still

Bugsmom, you are MOST DEFINITELY on the right path.

I filed for LSA as soon as my WH left, the second time. A LSA is there to protect you and to be able to enforce the agreement being backed by the law. It is a binding agreement, so if you do not receive the agreed upon child support or alimony, you can take it to court. WS's have been known to try and take everybody down with them. This protects you and the children while he stumbles and falls.

I asked my lawyer, "What if we reconcile but we still have this document?" She said, "Well, you can burn it or tear it up, that's clearly up to you."

I remember when my WH first learned of the LSA, he said the same thing, that we're basically divorced. I said that there was nothing in the document that said we were divorced and no court has seen any filing of that sort from me.

You are doing the right thing. The LSA is NOT about WH, it is about protecting you and the kids. Plain and simple.

Thx Still!

You have a GREAT time on your trip, I am very jealous!

Enjoy the time - you deserve it.

A MB break, although we are 'addicted' is probably a good thing

Recharge those batteries. Gather your strength. Catch some rays. Have a drink with an umbrella in it (or 2 or 3)!

I'll have to sneak the drink with the umbrella till after all the teenage girls are asleep....oh wait they usually stay up later <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I'll try to fit one in.

Still

Ok - - Let me replay the conversation last night.

WS talks to DD,,,,,,,,just getting enough info from her to find out if we saw FIL when dropping off DSS last night.

He was very short, , , the way he is when I know he is mad, so I asked "What's wrong?"


WS - Nothing

Bugs - Ok, you just sound stressed

WS - So, did you talk to my Dad? How'd that conversation go?

Bugs- He was asleep when I got there. The dog woke him up. We said our hellos. How ya doing? How's work. That's it

WS - Well, he's not speaking to me now. He apparently heard me talking to you the other night and didn't like what I had to say. He KNOWS what he did was wrong.

I'm quiet.

He vented a little more about it, then says, "hello?"

I said "Hello"

WS - "Ok, so you're not talking. Fine. I'll go"

Bugs - "I don't know what to say to that? What am I supposed to say"

WS - "I don't know what you're supposed to say"

Bugs - "well, I'm sorry you are upset. I thought you said that you 2 don't talk anyway"

WS - "I NEVER said that to you",,,,, as he's getting more angry

Bugs - "Hey,,, I'm not stating this as FACT,,,, I'm just telling you my impression of what you said"

WS - "Well, we don't talk much. We pass each other because of work, and I don't stay at that house much because I Hate being there. We talked, but just not a whole lot"

Bugs "oh"

WS - "You have done a GREAT job of turning EVERYONE against me. You've got my dad,,,, how about you now work on my mom and it will make it complete that I lose MY family?!!"

Bugs calmly - "I am not trying to turn anyone against you"


WS - "Oh, yes you are!! Now, he won't even LOOK at me. It's because he knows he was wrong. He should never have talked to you. I should be able to share Personal Private things with MY dad without him spilling it all to you."

Bugs "Honey, first, he didn't spill personal things to me. I told him things, not the other way around. Besides, I didn't think you 2 talked about our R anyway"

WS is getting even more wound up, "Whatever,,,, you 2 never talked before and now you talk all of the time. It's not right. Him not looking at me is because he knows HE was wrong. It's that,,,,,, or now because of what YOU told him, he is so disgusted with me that he can't look at me"

Bugs is quiet, and then calmly said, "So, my telling him that I love you, that I want to have our M back, and our family together was wrong?"

He didn't respond to that.

He vented some more,,, pretty much the same stuff.

So, I said, "Honey, I'm not arguing with you. These are your opinions and feelings You are certainly entitled to have them."

My calm certainly didn't make him happy!

As I said last night, WS had been fine all day. We talked in the morning and he was fine. We talked early evening and he was fine.

Then, 2 hours later, the ANGRY WS calls on the phone. Ho is working him pretty hard, I think???
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I am I crazy,,,,, OR am I correct in what I think I have learned here and that this kind of outburst is possibly a GOOD thing???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

DD talked to him this am. I got on and he was ok again. I know he had DSS in the car with him, so perhaps it was a front for DSS's sake?

However, I asked him to do a couple of things for me today and he was willing,,,even pleasant about it.

Ok ==== Need some input here? Comments??? Anyone???

Bugs:

I don't have much time....

But you did great.

If it comes up again, let him know that there is still room at your house.

He is feeling the disgust that others feel for him for his actions. After being with his HO, he needs to beat you up to make himself feel better. And you didn't let him do it. By remaining calm. And stating your truth. "I want you, I want our marriage"

Great Job.

This is very good.

LG

Thanks LG!!

Like every other BS, I so often need those pats on the back!

I sent WS a few of the pics of the kids from Easter via email. It probably would have been better to give him printed copies, but I felt the need to do something "nice" for him as he agreed to do a couple of things for me today.

I won't be seeing him in person until next week, unless I can think of an excuse,,,,,,,,, He has kids tonight, I have them Thurs thru Sun.

He's picking up some stuff from DD's school for me this evening. Think I'll offer to come by and pick it up on my way home later! The Goddess is looking & feeling pretty good and need to show that off! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Am trying to think of some more nice Plan A actions,,,, as WS is feeling the negatives for his actions from others I feel it very key that I stick with being UP, being CALM, being THOUGHTFUL, and GIVING. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Is it wrong to be happy that he is so upset? I think it's just that I like to think that PERHAPS he is finally reaping a little bit of the harvest from his actions. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I don't expect him to have a "wake up" moment" as a result of it. In fact, I am expecting a LOT more anger from him in the coming weeks.

I just hope that I can keep MY positive outlook about it! It was great last night in that the more upset he seemed to get, the more calm I felt. It was such a weird feeling. In a way, if felt really good. Good to be in control of myself & emotions instead of just reacting to his.

Isn't it amazing what happens when one has a PLAN?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />