If you pull this off, I'm startin a slow clap.

Bugs:

That's why I asked if YOU could drive....

Men and maps....

LG

Bugs:

Actually.

Since he didn't know when or where? He wasn;t focused on it. D is much fuzzier for him now.

Good luck today. Hopefully the eye opener he will need...

LG

BC-
Perhaps I need more coffee this am. I don't get the 'startin a slow clap' thing??

LG-

Men & maps?! Obviously an issue since I am the one having to 'show him the way back HOME!'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Perhaps you are right, that the lack of attention to detail indicates a lesser focus on the D.

I don't know.

I DO know that his spending so much time at our house the last 2 Sundays has been 'strange'. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but it is confusing to say the least.

The MB knowledge in me says this is Cake Eating. That he is enjoying it, but also wants the 'other' part of his life just as much.

He was telling me about test driving a Harley. He knows us together would mean putting that off for a while.

I did not comment. Just an 'oh really?'.

After a Home Dept commercial he commented that 'you never had to worry about me starting a project. I always reading to tear into something. It was just the finishing part that I never did'

I replied 'I would not say never. You have done a lot of great things around here'

So,,I see/hear him fishing for that admiration & ASSURANCE, and I am taking the bait every time.

Maybe it is sinking in a bit. But he is still Drac.

Going in my office now to call for the Harley appt for him.

Will ck bk later

rats...(minor 2x4 warning)....this is why I suggested scheduling it as soon as yours was done. Then you would have had the date and time set when he agreed.

Drac: "Sure, I'll do it."
Bugs: "Ok - Tuesday at 1"

Now you have to schedule it, maybe 2 weeks out, and it gives him time to squirm about it.

rats rats rats.

Expect some squirming. He could hardly turn you down. You were in tip-top Plan A doing all these nice things for him, and hit him for a "favor." He couldn't resist.

But now he'll have time to get uncomfortable...try to poke at you...use the mediation to push you away...and overall try to avoid this discussion.

(((Bugs)))

That's great that he will talk to Steve.

I hope I have a much success as you did with my WH. Still letting it stay in Gods hands.

Still

PS Jealouis of the SF you lucky girl you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lexxxy,


2x4 accepted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I know I should have done that.


I did call and just sent Drac a message about it.

I scheduled Thurs at 1 AND gave him 3 alterate times, and asked him to confirm which one is best for him, along with a 'thanks, I really appreciate your doing this for me'

He read the message 10 min ago,,,so I am a bit nervous that he has not responded yet!

Am giving that to God!

Still -- the amount of 'success' remains to be seen. I am trying to stay positive, but am also trying to expect nothing,,,if that makes sense.

And after my 2x4 I should have congratulated you on a very excellent Plan A Father's Day.

Wow -- EN's being met all around!

I think its very telling that he "hates" that character. It leads me to think OW is LB'ing him. I think you are dead-on on the contact days. You can just TELL. So it leads me to believe that she is toying with him. Thinks she has power over him. Sending him that cute postcard. Probably been in touch with him. Making him jealous. Torturing him over choosing his daughter over her...

Just my opinion...

Bugs, that's wonderful about DRAC saying yes. I hope that the mediation today does nothing to spoil it. I hope DRAC doesn't expect you to cave to everything just because things have been so good between you two. Dang, I wish you didn't have it today! If there's ANY way you could get it postponed, it'd be so much better. If not, then you have to look out for yourself and at the same time not push DRAC away. It's gonna be hard to balance. OTOH, maybe it'll open DRAC's eyes more to what he stands to lose (besides you!)

Lexxx,

Thx,,,although he does not realize it, a LOT of his ENs were met yesterday,,,,if they hadn't been, he would not have stayed all evening!

I don't want to lose focus, but the character he hates is a HUGE manipulator. Before he made the comment about her reminding him of someone, he said 'I hate her. Did you hear that? First she tells him that there is Nothing he can do about the situation,,,,THEN she ASKS him what he is going to do about it!'

So, I am guessing you are right. HO is starting to LB BIG time.

Now serving a Dose of reality to Affair table #1!

PM -- you hit the nail on the head!

BEST thing would be to postpone, but that isn't happening. Perhaps, that is the way it is meant to work (God's plan, not mine)

So, I DO have to stand up for myself & DD,,,but not push Drac's buttons too much.

My plan is that if it something we start to disagree about,,,,rather than argue I am merely going to say "I am just not sure right now,,,it is something I 'think' I want, but am willing to consider an alternative. I need time to think it over"

BUYING TIME. VS. LB'ing.

Thoughts??

What time do you go today?

I think your strategy is perfect -- be LB free. But do not concede any points that make you uncomfortable.
I think this is a great time for you to start previewing divorce-world to him. DD and Bugs might live XX miles away.
I would think your potential living arrangements would come up. That of course is going to make it more difficult for him to have mid-week visitation....
And we can communicate any issues via emails through XXX.
Why? Because I will have to cease being your friend if you destroy my family for HO.

Good, although I suspect the mediator will try and PUSH you because they're being paid to get this thing DONE and off the court docket. Keep that in mind and stick to your guns, you do not HAVE to agree to anything today.

I agree with Lex on this... make it real.

You are BOTH right on.

Today begins his D reality education. Non-emotional, very factual, this is they way it will be after the D.

I just did a line by line analysis of our parenting plans and have noted the areas where they are different.

I am now going back through it and noting what I will or will not agree to.

Do not worry- I have been known for pulling up the stubborness of my German heritage when necessary!

But don't forget to make it CLEAR that you do not want a DIVORCE. I would participate MINIMALLY and state that I was here only because DRAC wants this..I would be in OBSTINATE 2 YEAR OLD GODDESS MODE...arms folded..minimal conversation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I DON'T DO DIVORCE!!!!
I don't agree with saying that you will live miles away. That sounds punitive and is not in the best interest of your daughter. Are you really planning to do that to her?

Not a time to preview divorce world when you are trying to negotiate the session with Steve. Your main goal should be getting him to do that session...

Mimi,

First, WE (as a family) had been planning to move to the area closer to my family. We even have land where we were planning to build our new home

This is where MY support system is and where I need to be. It is within a 30 min drive from Drac's work.

I like the image of the 2yr old,,)yet in Goddess form.

Yes, the goal IS to get him to do the session w/Steve.

My visual of the divorce preview is merely that we HAVE to go through what I see as Carving up and serving the rest of our Daughter's life.

Not being punitive, just being Factual.

Remember, Drac's niceness MAY all have been a ploy to butter me up for today. I have to be prepared - I think someone told me that once (or twice or a dozen times) LOL!

The plans are pretty much alike w/few exceptions. Those few are partially financial in nature. SO my plan is to state tha this is NOT what I want, so I have am 'unsure' and would rather 'think' about it OR just leave those few items to be finalized later in court.

Not saying YES but not saying NO

???? Thoughts?

I would go this route..I betcha Steve would agree...

"Thanks for the information about your position, Drac..I'll have to THINK about this and get back to you, guys..I have so much on my mind these days..SIGH".....

Bugs, looking at watch and batting eyelashes....


Message conveyed: "What's the point of this crap anyways? I'm not getting a DIVORCE....

Chances are you won't be speaking to Drac directly. Mediation usually happens with the opposing parties sitting in different rooms and the mediator going back and forth between the rooms. So I suggest that you make it clear to the MEDIATOR that you don't want to be there, don't want to do this, but will reluctantly "consider" those points of which you're unsure at a later date. Make sure the MEDIATOR conveys the message that you're not being a Bit*h, just unsure about things. You don't want him telling Drac's attorney you're playing hardball when you're not.

Mimi;
You may have forgotten or missed it -- but Bugs was planning to move to this other area at the end of the school year, then delayed to end of this month.

I think the residence and location of DD certainly needs to be addressed in custody mediation.