I disagree with Bugs taking her daughter far away from her F to the extent that visitation during the week is not possible...that would be so TRAUMATIC for DD who was so happy the other day just to have them eating a meal together..but that's another whole discussion...

Bugs should do what's best for her daughter regardless of her own needs IMO...

I bet the mediator would agree with that...

This is another whole issue..we can talk about that later...

All,

Real quick. Weekday visits will be OK w/the move.

Drac has already AGREED to the move and put that in HIS paperwork

. Also, papers state that Drac intends to move as well.


No matter how everything turns out what is best for DD is #1. Having a great R with her Daddy is a HUGE part of what is best for her. I would Never keep them apart.

PM - thx for the info.

If that is how it works, then this may be EASIER for me. I can 'play' unsure a whole lot better for somone I don't know than I could in front of Drac. Although it is not really an act, as I AM unsure about a few things

He knows that I am rarely indecisive.

The things that are 'different' in our plans relate almost EXCLUSIVELY to Financial matters, NOT to his seeing or having access to DD.

That is why I can be 'unsure' and still have a 'chance' to come off not as LB'ing at the same time.

Am leaving in about 15 min. Will ck in after

Prayers may commence!! Thanks!

PM-- whispering a prayer (I'm at work!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, it went as well as could be expected

We were in the same room w/the mediator. She started w/basic info. She kept talking about when the D is final,,,,until I had the oppoprtunity to say 'I do not want this divorce'

Took her by surprise. So she asks if I have DENIED in my response. I said I had responded w/legal separation. Drac looked surprised.

This was after Drac said we had not discussed financial matters yet. I had told her I could not say WHERE exactly I could buy a home, as things were not settled.

So, the parenting plan in this jurisdiction is DIFFERENT than the ones both of our A completed for us. It was strictly visitation issues, nothing at all financial in any way.

Drac agreed to the move. We discussed summer visits,,, I made sure that Drac understood a part of it and took the time to say 'I want you to be SURE understand what this means''.

He took EVERY opportunity to harp about getting HIS rights.

I took opportunities to say things like 'Drac is a good dad. I do not issues with his parenting skills. He sees DD as much as he can. He loves her'

One thing at the VERY beginning was that HE misunderstood what MY plan said re: JOINT LEGAL custody. I made sure to look him in the eye and say adamantly 'I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS had it as JOINT. '

He was obviously 'pumped & coached' for this. Several things he said hurt, but I did not LB or rollover for anything I did not want

When she asked about how DD was doing, I looked at him and waited for him to answer. He said 'well, we see that differently'

When asked about DSS, he said it was probably hard for him 'at times' but he's seen 'such good changes in him in the last year'. PUKE.

I did not disagree, as it was he knows what I have told him already and I was not going to contradict him in that environment. It served no purpose.

When asked about where DSS would be going to school next year he said 'well I HAD planned in moving back into the house, so he could stay where he is until I figure out about moving over to where Bugs will be. BUT NOW I do not know if I will be able to AFFORD to move over there'.

The mediator AGAIN brought up issue of appraisals and how Mine will be High, and his will be Low.

I looked straight at her and said 'it is Not like that'

Her reply was 'well, your lawyers will do that. They will make sure of it. '. Basically saying we are going to have to fight.

I replied 'My lawyer works for ME and does what I tell her to do. I am telling you, it is not like That'. She dropped the subject

.
After, as we walked out, he asked about Thurs appt w/Steve. He asked if this was someone I counseled with, had I seen him in person, where did I find him, and was I still seeing my IC

I told him 'yes, I counseled w/Steve. I only did so over the phone. I have not seen IC since DN's death, due to time issues, and that I found Steve on a website

I asked if the time worked for him. He replied, 'I will make it work'.

So,, that was it.

I did mutter a LB under my breath, but he did not hear it. I just said never mind when he asked about it.

Right now, I do not know if I want to cry or hit something. I Hated every moment of being there and slicing up the rest of my daughter's life!!! Selfish b*stard! Ugh!

So, I am unsure as to how much, if anything to share w/Drac about MB before his appt.

Also, what is the mood for tonight? Continued light and breezy Goddess? Quiet and reflective Goddess??

GREAT!!!



WONDERFUL!!! He brought this up... I think he wants HELP, Bugs....He wants to be HAPPY again..as Steve said...



WONDERFUL! WONDERFUL!



As painful as it was..it was BULL CRAP...

Point is, he's still doing the session with STEVE...BABY STEPS....CRUMBS to find his way home...he doesn't know how to do it..he may think that he's too far gone...you may need to help him with a PLAN..but NOT YET...



If the subject comes up, FOCUS on how THIS MAN will help HIM...SELFISH WH that he is...it's all about him right now..but I would try to avoid the subject...



PROCEED ONWARD as if that BULLCRAP MEETING did not occur...be in your own GODDESS FOG... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I had pretty much come to Some of these conclusions myself, but to read that you agree helps me So much!

I am less sure of Drac wanting the crumbs home,,, a bit of that is self doubt, some of it is self protection. In the form of not expecting from WH.

I already put into motion the Bullcrap meeting never happened mode.

Drac called to tell me FIL was picking up DSS as he was still at work. We had our 'normal' conversation. Drac telling me about work, me telling him how wise,smart he is, even down to the terms of endearment!

I appreicate the clarification on sharing/not sharing MB. Right now, Drac thinks Steve is just another IC. I will be sending Steve a prepatory email tomorrow AND scheduling an appt for ME to talk to Steve after Drac.


I know I can't 'educate' him right now.

All,,,thx for the continued prayers!

Drac called earlier but did not talk to DD, she was out playing

As of this moment, he has not called to tell her good night. She is asleep.

I did not mention earlier that since Christmas Drac had been wearing a right hand ring he 'said' he bought for himself

He has not worn it since the supposed breakup,,,until today. Obviously, I noticed.

I don't know why, but I am feeling like the last few weeks have been nothing but a 'play' on his part.

Telling FIL about the breakup, not wearing the ring, spending time here, being at FIL's when he is not here,ageeing to talk to Steve,,, I can not put my finger on it,but something is telling me I have been totally played here.

Maybe it is just the ring - but I KNOW Drac. That kind of symbolic thing is Right up his alley.

He made a point earlier when he called --i asked how it was going and he said 'did you notice the caller id?'. He was calling from the office, and was pointing it out. He's never done that before. AND he has never failed to talk to DD each evening.

Just my gut - but SOMETHING is up.

((((Bugs)))))

Of course something is up. He is still DRAC..he is still a WH...until he is committed to NO CONTACT with her FOR LIFE..the AFFAIR IS ON..

I have not for once thought that it was OVER between them..remember how I was saying that it could be ON AGAIN..deep at anytime...

This means NOTHING different about YOUR PLAN...

During PLAN A, the BS needs to ASSUME that the affair is continuing...

PLAN A is about YOU DOING WHAT YOU NEED TO DO...

Drac talking to Steve is perhaps only ONE LAST STEP in PLAN A...ANOTHER SEED...

PLAN B is likely going to be necessary BUGS...

It's a PROCESS...PLAN A..then PLAN B..then RECOVERY...

PLAN B is not as effective without a GREAT PLAN A..and that's what you have done, Bugs...and PLAN A is coming to an end...

TAKE YOUR FOCUS OFF OF HIM..HE IS LIKELY TO DO ANYTHING..ANYTHING..I don't want you to be FOOLED like I WAS SOOO MANY TIMES...

PROCEED ONWARD with YOUR PLAN ..regardless of what he is up to...which is most likely getting up with his HO... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mimi.

I think I was just overwhelmed last night after the mediation, after the seemingly great Father's Day, and his agreeing to talk to Steve.

Too much rollercoaster again, combined with the length of Plan A starting to possibly wear on me.

We all know Plan A feels great when the WS 'seems' to be responding in a positive way.

So, am feeling today like I am back on a Countdown of sorts.

Just over 48 hours until Drac talks to Steve. 68 hours til I talk to Steve. Am sending Steve an update email for prior to Drac's appt.

After Fri am, I will have the info needed to see where I go from there.

Hoping and praying Steve pentrates the fog, atleast to plant that seed you mentioned that can then grow in Plan B

Drac dropped off DSS this am and came in the house. I was still in bed and he did not even come in. OUCH. No word from him at all today

But, hey, I am in Plan A. So, sent a funny email this am.

Back in Goddess mode. My powers unable to be penetrated by the yucky selfish actions of the WH, Drac!

Down to 36 hours to Drac talking to Steve.

He called when he left work, and we had a good conversation. Nothing special, but good.

He got here, got his mail, and started looking at our movies. All the while we were chatting about work and sutff. He went in our bedroom to look for more movies. I laid on the bed while we talked ,,,while he tried hard not to look at my behind! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

In fact, it was obvious he was 'struggling' and making an real Effort to keep his distance. Obviously overwhelmed by my Goddess powers <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> LOL!

I didn't get a hug, but did get a wink, which is different.

I did hear from his friend C's wife the Drac did spend the time he said with c. Nice to know.

Also heard that the Ho is seeing her Ex again

Neither of these things change my plans - but does help to settle my nerves a wee bit.

I am struggling not to go down the 'what if' road. What if Steve makes real progress w/Drac? What if he doesn't? And on, and on, and on!

Think I will take a bath. Nite all!

Well, of course, I wanted to let you knwo hnow how great of a job you are doing...

Must be a nice arrear! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

All that other stuff good to know...leave it at that...

It's better for you...sounds to me like you may have a little fear of the unknown...call with SH and Drac...then your call with Steve...fearful of what SH wil tell you about Drac...

Waste of energy...I remember AmI bring in your position and it worked out for her...it will work out for you...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

keep your head up...

Always in your corner! My Charlie's Angel!

i'm the brunet BTW!

just for you:

Rin,

Which brunette? There were 2.

I know I am afraid. I am just glad I can see that and that I have that fear somewhat under control. At minimim, the fear is not controlling ME at this point.

Drac came by this am,, I was just getting up. Dd greeted him at the door for hugs and kisses.

I walked up after standing & streching in my Goddess gown while he tried hard not to look at me.

I got the 1/2 arm, fake patting hug. YUCK! He sure is trying hard to pull back.

Gotts get to work. Rin-get some sleep tonight!

Later

Bugs,

I'm so happy that Drac will talk to Steve.

I have my fingers and toes crossed that my Wh will also talk with Steve.

Have my appointment later this monring.

Still

Thanks Still.

I will cross arms, legs, fingers, toes and even braid my hair for your WH too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I was just thinking that by next week I expect to change the title of my thread and that I will be offically joining the Killer Bees. But, am not going to jump the gun just yet.

28 hrs for Drac.

I sent him a tm last night that the weather was perfect for outdoor 'activities'. No response

So I just sent him another tm saying that BOB joined me for the outdoor adventure, but he was not as much fun. LOL. Drac was in a meeting, but I know he read it.

Of course there was NO outdoor adventure, but Drac doesn't need to know that!

Just planting those seeds & memories before exiting Plan A.

LMAO...I will do my best, hopefully I'll have some news today...

i really need to stop looking at what POWS is doing...all the trips, not paying the bills, etc...refocus on me and my stuff...

As far as which brunet...this is a democracy, we can vote! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> i was being silly!

Bugs:

Tomorrow morning?

When Drac Wanders up to your bedroom?

Ask him why he Leaves? Why can't you just stay here?

He is lost. And playing you to a certain extent.

But you have a plan.

And that plan points out that sometimes, you just have to ask:

"When are you coming home?"

I always say IRL: "You don't ask, you don't get."

I know with the phone Convo with Steve coming up tommorrow, it might not be the perfect time. But it's coming.

OK?

Your plan might include a Plan B to fully succeed, but, that's still in the future.

Right now? Your still doing great....

LG

Who could be Bosley, but most likely still the man in Brown.

LG,

You are right about the offer - you don't know if you don't ask,,,and letting the fear stop me from asking predetermines a NO.

I did tell him last Fri that I want him to come home.

Tonight is his night with the kids but I think I will make a point to be home tonight vs the last several months of always being out on Wed.

I may get the opportunity tonight or tomorrow am to say that. Maybe not. If I do, I will.

I am trying to 'focus'(word of the day) on being Present,,being in Plan A & leaving the future in the future.

That is why the flirty TMs.

Just had a thought. If I Drac does not come by the house, I will 'need' a pot that he has at FIL's house. He kept the one I took over there full of gumbo. Gives me a reason to stop by!


HMM, I WAS picturing you as Bosley,,,what color is your hair? White, silver or gray automatically makes you Charlie!!

i THOUGHT bOSLEY'S HAIR WAS BLACK!

oops, sorry, at work!

i like that plan you have miss mam'! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


::::focusing on my break in a minute::::

Bugs:

About this:



No, it's still blonde, with just the hint of gray at the temple.

But I still look good in those brown shorts....

And Mimi is all OVER Charlie...

The calm, self-assured voice of reason.

LG:

The Killer Bee UPS man. Not yet making deliveries to Bugs....

You are right on target, Bos, I mean LG

Please continue to HOLD any of packages addressed to me at this time

I am hoping that it will be necessary to mark them Return to Sender!