I can finally take the time to reply to all of your wonderful, supportive, and even Impatient messages from today!

First, sorry it took me a while not get it all posted. Between having to do it via Blackberry and wanting to re-create it as well as possible, it was slow work!

PM - Your message almost made me cry, too! How you iimediately saw where Drac could have ended the entire process, but didn't was very helpful to me!

Rin, your note about Faith, or rather Drac's lack of it right now, was right on target!

Lexxx, my honest, and hopeful friend! The 'haunting' of Drac by the ideas and comments,,very ironic use of words based on his name being Drac for now! LOL!

Mimi,

OMG! Yes, I am a TRUE believer in MB. But, Lil Mimi? I wouldn't in my wildest dreams put myself there, but to have you say that is a True honor!

Yes, the mountaintop is a beautiful place to visit for such great guidance and direction!

It truly does come down to using the principles and working the Plans! I know I get so much out of the time because I have studied and continue to study it all!

I DEFINATELY have used the EXACT words S gave me and it worked!

LG- your insight and support means so much!

I love, love how you help me to understand where Drac may be and where he is coming from!

Your guidance is irreplaceable.

Fernando! You, my friend, are mah-ve-lous as well! Don't you ever doubt it!

BC- thx for ck'ing in here! I am now imbibing in the wine you sent for the tent revival yesterday!

I know there is such a Long Long road ahead, but for the first time, I feel as though there is TRUE hope, as documented by conversation with the Expert.

Now, I am going to be reviewing and practicing all of the stuff S gave me.

Practicing the mantras, reviewing POJA,, studying up and working on no DJ's and generally continuing to spiff up my Plan A

Tomorrow, cleaning house and taking kids to the water park.

Sun, Drac's family goes to their family cemetary to put flowers on all of the graves and then have family lunch at the park

Several of his family have made a point to invite me and say they want me there. Drac has not brought it up yet. I am planning on going.

Am going to catch up on some other threads!

Papers from family court from the mediation the other day came in today's mail

I have both Mine and Drac's copies

Do I give to him now or wait a few days??

hold both sets..remember that was bullcrap... goddess fog is out

Bugs:

Thank you for the kind words! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I only hope that this rollercoaster keeps going up for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LG

Goddess fog?? What's that??

Thanks, Charlie!


Bosley,,,, you know Everyone always loved Bosley, no matter who their favorite Angel was!

Rolleroasters USED to be my favorite! Now, not so much!

I don't know what the immediate future holds, but I know I must be true to myself. That means doing what I've done, being who I am. Bugsmom.

I haven't read the mediation papers, yet. I want to ride the positive wave just a bit longer. Tomorrow, I'll look at them and determine the "reality/validity" of them.

Drac called earlier and taked to the kids. Spent 30 seconds on the phone with me to say he was "out with the gang"

I asked "which gang" . He told me a group of mutual friends of ours.

He said he'd call in the am,,, wanting to know what time we were going to the water park. I said we didn't have a time and asked him what time he has golf,,, he said not til afternoon.

So, I asked if he would come in the am and help put in the airconditioner in the bedroom. He said, "of course. You should have reminded me when I was there. I totally forgot"

I replied, "I always forgot, too.:

I hope he might have gotten the underlying message,,,, that household things are not as important as HE is when he is here. I doubt it, but maybe later he will, maybe not.

So, he'll be by tomorrow am. In the meantime, the Goddess took it upon herself to send a TM to a friend in the "gang" he is out with tonight.

I said, "IF you get the chance, please remind my husband that I love him, and you don't need to mention that I asked you to do so"

I KNOW that this friend will do it.

Planting the seeds,,, being the Goddess. Hoping for the best.

Kids are outside w/FIL right now. Am putting them to bed as soon as they come in. Then am going to TM Drac,,,,, thinking it will be something about relaxing on the deck,,,if he's on his way to FIL's,,,,, stop by,,,,

Bugs,

I'm so happy right now for you. I know the feeling of being cautiously optimistic.

Keep that attitiude and it will get you far.

I'm hoping that my talk with Wh this coming weekend goes as well. Right now I'm praying it turns out like your tak with Drac went.

I have been practicing what I'm going to say... and will practice it on my IC tomorrow morning.

Still

Bugs:

You are such an inspiration for me to keep hanging in there.

At any time in your process did Drac seem to distance himself from your kids ?

My Daughter ended up in the hospital and H would not even come see her even though it was 15 min away.

I'm sure my H is different from Drac, because I believe he suffers from Bi-polar and is having his first year of major episodes.

When I don't talk with his friends how do I expose the big A. I thought about emailing everyone, but that's one of my love busters, he said I talked to too many people about too many things.

I'm walking on eggshells, like I know you have been. You have so much strenght and courage right now, and I pray that I get just a small portion of what you have. I have no clue who the big A was with it was someone at a hospital that he services, but not even sure which one.

BUGGIE! My GIRL!

Good Morning! Was just catching up...sounds wonderful...I have had hope for your sitch for a long long time...

He loves you BUGS, poor thing's just mixed up, confused, and that trail of bread crumbs he left to find his way home was ate by Ho....

he's almost there...you can feel it...but it's going to be slow and YOU have to stand still...you are so far ahead of him...be still, subject up, take care of yourself...soon enough...soon enough! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Rin! Morning to you!

You are right it will continue to be slow. He does need to catch up, so I will sit down on a bench to rest for a bit.

Then, I will go sprinkle some new crumbs out there for him again. Then I will be still again while I wait

The hope is that Drac will agree to use the Guide was found in SH to help find his way!

INAH,

Hey there! Glad you are still around, as I haven't seen you post on your thread here for a while

I have to be honest, I don't know anything about bi-polar so am not sure that any advise I can give will help you.

IMHO, the #1 thing is for your WH to have treatment. If he is sick, then I do not know if it matters much what you do.

That aside, Drac did pull away from the kids somewhat,,but if DD was in the hospital, he would be right there.

Again, is that because of his bi-polar? I do not know

Do me a favor. Copy your questions to your thread and post them there

That way, I can answer there and everyone else can check in as well!

Hang in there!

Drac called last night and talked to the kids. He was “out”. He spent 30 seconds on the phone with me. I FELT something was up. He hadn’t been that short with me in a long time.

He was supposed to come over this am and put in the air conditioner. DD called him at 10:30 and got vm. We went by FIL’s house to get DSS’s swim trunks, no one was home.

Drac never returned the phone call.

We went to the water park, but had to leave due to rain. We’d been home about 15 minutes when Drac walked right in the door. He was dressed to go out. He said he was here to put in the air conditioner and got right to it. He was short in his words, barely looked at me, and worked fast.

When he was finished he told the kids he needed to get going, he was running late for a benefit dinner tonight. He was in the kitchen getting his mail, I walked in and asked him how golf was today. He said he didn’t go,,, he had to work. Yeah,,, sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So, he pauses as he’s getting ready to walk out of the kitchen and says “I just wanted you to know that you asked me to make that phone call and I did. I don’t know if you’ve talked to him, if you talk to him every week or what.”

I could tell it was going NEGATIVE, so I told him I hadn’t talked to S. I did ask something to the effect of, how did it go?

He said I should just understand that this is what he wants. Period. That’s it. He said he felt manipulated. This guy saying he has this idea that he should do,,,, it just felt like I was trying to manipulate him, just as I am trying to with everything since this started. He said he’s told me from the BEGINNING he wants a DIVORCE.

I moved across the kitchen and sat on the counter close to him. He moved across the room. I said, “I am sorry you felt that way. I was not and am not trying to manipulate you. I just was hoping that you would be able to understand where I am coming from and what it is that I want. I am in no way trying to be disrespectful of you, your feelings, or your decisions”

Drac continued,,,,,,,,,,,”I know when we talk you say that I try to make you out as the bad guy,,, I’m not trying to do that. But this is just like when we were in counseling before. You insisted on seeing the same counselor when you KNEW I didn’t want you to”

I said, “I don’t want to interrupt what you have to say, but briefly, let me say that I am so sorry about that. I thought you wanted me to see her so that it would help us in our joint counseling. I didn’t think you didn’t want me to see her”

Drac “I told you at the time and you disagreed”

I TOTALLY do not remember him EVER saying that to me, so I said, “I am sorry I misunderstood. I wold never intentinally interfere with you getting IC. I am sorry for that. Now,, you were saying??”

He continued “well, it was just like that. This guy telling me he has this idea I need to do. I felt manipulated. I want this D. I want to be alone.

This all should have been finished by now, but you INSIST on using lawyers. Now I KNOW this is going to drag out for over a year.

I know I’m getting F’d! You are going to wait until the end of the summer to move. Then I am going to be STUCK with this house and with Dad’s house. I plan on “giving” this house to the family. It’s their’s, they can have it. I have to figure out a way to sell Dad’s place and for him to afford this. “

(NOTE - - FIL told me the other night that he does NOT want this house. Drac is trying to force him into it)

Drac continued “So, to sell Dad’s place, I’ll have to fix it up. Before I can do that he has to get his stuff outta there” He pauses and just looks at me

Bugs “And I am hold that up how? Is there something I should be doing to help that””

Drac “This ALL should have been done by now, but you won’t even talk about it. You keep dragging it out”

Bugs “Really? As far as I can tell the process is moving forward. I haven’t stopped any dates or missed any deadlines”

Drac “ You insist on the lawyers and they are going to keep dragging it out and costing us more money. We could have settled all of this. NOW I won’t be moved by the time school starts. Then, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to AFFORD to move.

You keep on this path and all we are going to end up doing is continuing to butt heads, just like we did in our marriage”

I just listened to it all. I waited for him to finish and then said “Drac, I’m sorry you feel manipulated. I have not been trying to manipulate you and am not trying to do so now. I am not trying to fight with you or butt heads with you.

I just see a different way of doing things. I have had a shift in my belief systems and am very different now. I love you, I love our kids, I love our family, I understand now that there is a way to take the great things from our marriage, and then not so great things, and fix them so that we can have a better marriage and the happiness we’ve always wanted.

To say I want a divorce would be being untrue to myself. And I can’t do that. I can’t unlearn what I’ve learned and pretend that it’s not possible. I believe it is.

I don’t mean that to sound judgemental of you or disrespectful. You are entitled to your feelings and beliefs. I can respect those even though I don’t agree with them.


Despite what you think, I am not trying to make this all terrible for you,,, I’m not trying to “F” you as you say. Yes, I insist on the lawyers. I don’t do divorce. They do. Lawyers are necessary to be sure all of the bases are covered. That’s it.

I’d like to think of what would YOU do if the roles were reversed here, if you were in my shoes and felt my feelings.”

I was very cool and calm. Very Goddess like in my demeanor,,,, while wearing my 2 piece swim suit beneath my see through cover up,,, for all the good that did (:

So, then he says as he starts to walk out “I understand you guys are going to the cemetery tomorrow”

I said yes, are you?

He said no

I asked “Are you not going because we are going? If so, then come by and get the kids and you all go”

He said “No. No one in my ENTIRE family told me anything about it. I had to hear about it from my daughter. So, I am NOT going. In fact, I can’t wait to get this all settled so I can get out of here. All I inherited was a bunch of SH*T, and they think it’s all that, they can have it. I have to get moved. They can have this place and I can leave and never look back. They are all the same, all of them. “

Bugs “I’m sorry. I just assumed that you and your Dad had talked about it”

Drac “No, no one told me anything about it. They are all the same. I’ll be a BETTER person when I am done with all of them.”

I said “Well, I think you are a good person now”

He walked into the other room, calling to the kids for hugs and kisses. He told them he’d call them tonight and he left.

I want to crawl in a hole right now. I feel like I have been standing here beating my head against the wall. Finally, when someone put a pillow up there this week, and it was feeling better, Drac pulls out the pillow and replaced it with spikes.

Now what?????????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I know he’s hurt and angry with his family. So THAT is my fault,,, or at least I get to take the brunt of it.

I’d love to find out who he talked to yesterday and last night that held his hand and helped him back down the path that says D is the best way! I really thought he was considering not going through with it.

I really did think we had a chance.

?????????????????????????????????????????

From what I see BUGS, he confused and feeling guilty and trying to blame YOU for the sitch...don't let him!

PLan B time!

Yes, we are back to the Bugs is responsible for everything wrong in the world scenario.

He is holding on to all of that hard, as it is his "security blanket" to justify to himself that he is doing the RIGHT thing.

Refusal to consider MB as a logical plan,,,, refuting it with having felt MANIPULATED??

Notice, he never said that plan wouldn't work.

I don't feel like I am to blame,,,at least not for everything. It's hard not to take on some of it, because if I'd realized things sooner, it wouldn't have gotten this bad.

BUT, I can't change the past. I can only set the future.

I think we are going to be counting down to PLan B again. The timing will be tricky, I think. I should probably do it before the court hearing on the 9th.

Darn! I had hoped to avoid it all together.

(((Bugs))),

Sounds like his ho had something to do with this. Let him think everything through. He may be battling with himself over this and trying to make you to be the bad guy.

I'm sorry.... here for you if you need to talk.

Still

Thanks Still.

I do think he is battling. Steve & I talked about how he feels so SET on the path he has already laid out to the D. He doesn't see enough potential or long term happiness to turn from it now.

I think there is conflict,,,,,,,,,,,,,,bringing up the OLD stuff to blame me about again. As if I am preventing him from being the "better person" he knows he can be?

Well, I'm not rolling over and agreeing to the D. That just isn't going to happen.

One part of me just feeling like packing up everything and moving right this minute. Another part of me says, hold firm, keep working the plans. Ignore his words.

Funny, he was GREAT still on Thursday. Although I did not see him, his attitude was still so very positive towards me.

Whatever/whoever he interacted with on Friday helped to make the change. I wonder if he is back in some sort of IC. S and I discussed how some IC can in fact be detrimental to MC. It's all about the individual,, doing whatever they want to be happy, and to Heck with anyone else.

Am trying not to go too far down in sadness or dispare tonight. Gonna be tough.

Bugs,

You are one tough cookie. Drac doesn't even begin to realise how strong and beautiful you are.

He is in conflict big time. My feelings are that is good.... he's begining to hit bottom.

Tonight I'm trying not to think about what WH is doing. We are suppose to talk sometime this weekend.

I did text him about hoping he was having a good day and he just texted me back to ahve the same. Doesn't mean he's not with her thou.

I tols IC this morning that my hope is that she can tell someone sitting in my chair there was this patient that didn't give up and she is now happily married with her H. She told me she would love to be able to say that. She is slightly skeptical about telephone counciling but told me I need to do what I feel is right.

Still

Still,

Thanks for the positive thoughts!

I have such GREAT hope for you right now. A text message response,,,,and a good one.

Baby steps for you two, but they seem to be baby steps in the right direction!

I gotta get dressed and go grocery shop. Need to make some side dishes for tomorrow's picnic after the cemetary. It will be sad to be there without Drac. I have a picture of me & Drac together the first time I went with him there. I am leaning on a tree, and he is leaning in kissing me. It's one of my favoriates of us!

DARN IT! Why did I go there!! Sad feelings welling up again.

I am also wondering who Drac is with tonight at this "benefit dinner". Am sure it's someone who supports D.! UGGH

Ok, I gotta stop. Thanks for the support! I'll ck in later tonight or tomorrow after the cemetary

HEy, NO negative thoughts! ONly Goddess thoughts...

water rolling in, white fluffy clouds, 'ght' in hand, sistas sittin next to you, humming a tune...

What the heck, your pick...

Toes in the water, laughin, and jokin around...

Breathing....being still...

God provides what we need when we need it Bugs, just sometimes it's not the way we think we should get it...be open...mircles happen EVERY DAY...

you haven't come this far for nothing...box of chocolates baby, box of chocolates! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Remember he's DRACULA and you WAVED THE CROSS!!! He's back into the ROLE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

You said:



PERFECT!!! You didn't take the BAIT to turn back into the OLD BUGS...

And you continued to answer PERFECTLY, Bugsy....



EXACTLY..ALL GOOD!!!

He was trying his best to PROVOKE you...




Bugs, it's a PROCESS..PLAN A then PLAN B..then RECOVERY..IMO, it takes all of the steps. The MAIN THING is that he talked to STEVE and HE DID HEAR AND UNDERSTAND WHAT STEVE SAID..that's why you have the DRACULA response...

It's an ADDICTION. He can't be TALKED out of it...

My H LEFT ME after his initial TALK with STEVE but believe me, HE NEVER FORGOT THE CONTENT OF THAT SESSION..there were times when he said that it "DIDN'T APPLY" to him ( WH FOG/BULL CRAP) but he heard it and understood it so that I could refer back to it many times...

The talk with Steve was A SEED THAT HAD TO BE PLANTED...

And I knew but didn't tell you that there was a chance that he would be REPELLED back to her..

It's out of FEAR OF LOSING THE DRUG SOURCE..knowing that he NEEDS to... but AWARE that HE CANNOT GIVE UP THE ADDICTION...



You know who he talked to Bugs. He used this as an EXCUSE to do that...and we will let him have her 24/7..NO BUGS...BLACKNESS..She's saying that she's the ONLY ONE WHO LOVES HIM....YUCK...Let's give her chance to DO IT ALL...She will FAIL..I want to almost guarantee you of that...



You do have a BIG CHANCE.

DON'T GIVE UP..like he wants you to do...

Maintain YOUR PLAN as recommended by STEVE..helping your H to BELIEVE that there can be a FUTURE with you...don't let the WH steer you off of YOUR PLAN...

It's a series of BATTLES, remember? The WAR CONTINUES...NO EASY ANSWERS..

You have as much of a chance as I did..AT YOUR SAME POINT...

And I couldn't be HAPPIER today...

Bugs, you know I'm no expert on the plans, but even "I" can see that it's time for Plan B. DRAC has NOT experienced life without Bugs. Why wouldn't he want to continue on as is... he has his freedom, he has Bugs when he wants and he's getting affirmation all around (except from his family). Mimi's right. His reaction is no big surprise (although I was hoping for a miraculous seeing the light). DON'T GIVE UP. You did great with him and he's probably scratching his head wondering why you didn't react like HE expected.

I suspect that your DRAC is a very intelligent man and he felt like he was being given a "hard sell". What does he do for a living? I sense a great deal of pride. You know what they say... Pride goes before a fall.

You just keep on doing what you're doing. I believe that God is working behind the scenes in ways you don't know about. Just like in Lil Sis' marriage. I believe that with all my heart.

(((Bugs)))

I hear what you're saying, Meggy...but that's WH FOG AND BULLCRAP...Steve doesn't come across as doing a SELL..he was ON TARGET and thus repelled DRACULA...